Gaddenn

Hello all.

History:
I am/was a night drinker. My favorite thing in the world is to play video games and drink. Specifically rum and coke. For the past 12 years or so starting about 7pm every night (week and day), drank the following, one normal dinner sized glass filled with half rum and half coke. I would always drink two of these. Sometimes I would pour a third one but would almost always never finish it. I would go to bed or pass out in my recliner. Almost always black out.

Sometimes I would get on forums and say some real stupid **** or my most embarrassing past time, drunk texting while playing said video games. Even more fun post angry nonsensical ******** on facebook...

Anyway last week my wife was away on a business trip and I was doing my usual routine. After the first night, the next day I started to feel really bad about 6pm. REALLY bad. I figured a drink was in order to fix this, what would an hour early hurt? So I did and it fixed it.

The next day, same thing, except 5pm....ok fine, I am here alone, who cares. Started drinking at 5. The next day the same thing....except 4pm. The next day I was sick to my stomach by noon. I said to myself, **** this. I am toughing it out and going back to 7, this is dumb. It sucked but I toughed it out till 7. Got up to grab the rum and without warning, vomit. Except nothing came out, not dry heaving, puke came up and hit a hard stop in my throat. This went on over and over, it was horrible. Shaking I shoved in as much rum and coke as fast as I could to stop the heaving.

That night the wife came home and I told her that I thought I had a big problem. She called off work the next day, as did I to be together. Upset stomach all day, we just lied in bed. About 11am I got up to puke, same thing, stomach sent it up, hard stop, no air, no puke nothing would come out. This went on for an hour before I called it and we went to the ER.

ER don't didn't seem concerned that I could not vomit but about my drinking (for the first time I admitted everything to a doc). He immediately checked me in to an IMCU for medical detox. What happened next over the next three days is a blur. I had needles and probes stuck in me all over the place. Shots in the stomach. At one point I thought I was on a cruise ship, hours past and I thought it was days I was not allowed out of the bed without a nurse.

If I unhooked myself to **** all manner of alarms went off and nurses came out of the wood work. Once my wife tried to get in the bed with me and some weight sensor went off in the bed prompting nurses and scolding that that was not allowed. All in all the nurses were angels and were the nicest understanding people I have ever met.

The whole time I was there I was allowed Valium anytime I felt I needed it as long as it was 6 hours apart. Then abruptly on day three a doc came in and said you have spots on your liver, non cancerous and I was being released. This surprised me because as far as I know it takes 5-7 days to detox from alcohol.

Turns out my insurance had reached it's limit. I was released on this past Saturday with a script for 30 ct. Diazepam and sent on my way. I have not experienced any seizures and thank the maker no DTs. So far it has not been as bad as I thought it would be or could have been. Not a drop since I went in.

Now to my question. Since my release on the 9th I have taken 3.5 of the 30 ct pills, the half pill just now. They do make the insides stop the nawing and help me sleep but I DO NOT want to trade one problem for another. The bottle says one every 6 hours as needed. If I take say, one a day to help me sleep for the next few days, will I become addicted? I DO NOT want that. I do no want to take all 30 by any means

I want to take them because they make the horrible anxiety stop for a while (I still work full time, from home, luckily I was able to skim by with minimal work while in the "hospital" and that is all work knows about) but I DO NOT want to become dependent on something else just becoming a free man again from my long time addiction. Please help.

Obladi

Hi Gadden,

None of us are doctors so we can't give medical advice. I know that when my doctor prescribed klonopin as needed, I was concerned because I knew it could be addictive. I understand from reading and hearing others speak that your medication has the same potential.

I'm now seeing a therapist and psychiatrist that specialize in substance abuse and doctor is quite clear that he would never prescribe benzos to a person with alcohol abuse disorder.

Maybe look for a physician that is familiar with substance abuse for their opinion?

O

PhoenixJ

Empathy to you. You really need a doc- for answers AND supervision. The trouble people get into is medicating themselves. I know someone- sobetr many years. VERY smart. But dumb- he decided after year of taking medication- to start more medication from a different doctor- who did not know about the first doctor. THEN he decided he felt sooooo good he would stop taking all of them medication. He did not drink, but his brain was in hell- anxiety... ANY MEDICATION THAT IS TAKEN FOR IT'S SPECIFIC PURPOSE...with medical guidance is okay. Yes stuff causes addiction. I got hooked on otc codiene based pain killers- to get rid of hangovers.
BUT if you stop taking what is advised- or change the dosage- or stop talking to a doctor..that is where the problems kick in.
Empathy and support to you.

Dee74

Hi Gaddenn - welcome

Like others have said none of us are doctors and none of us can give you any kind of guarantees.

You seem to be taking way under the dose recommended for you, tho, and I assume you have no repeats on the script, so I would try not to worry too much

If you're not sure you got good medical advice you can always get a second opinion maybe?

D

NYCDoglvr

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. I didn't start out drinking a magnum of wine at night, it just happened over time. And while my drug of choice was alcohol it could easily have been drugs. Suggest seeing a doctor, hopefully one who understand addiction.

Gottalife

I did one medical detox a year before I got sober. They gave me Ativan, which I think is the same thing they gave you. I was out of it for three days, then woke up straight one morning and refused to take anymore. I did not like the effect. I don't like drugs.

After I got sober, over the years, I have met quite a few alcoholics who developed a liking for the detox drugs, especially benzos. They all had a dreadful time coming off them. The withdrawal period is much longer than it is for alcohol, and like alcohol, benzo withdrawal can be fatal.

I often count my blessings that somehow I believed my answers would not come in a bottle. Seeing the extended suffering of withdrawing from those other substances is very sobering indeed.

I didn't need them, I didn't take them, and was spared that extra suffering.

Gaddenn

I just wanted to give a small update here. I ended up taking 3.5 of the pills. That last half pill, right after I took it I remember thinking, this is just dumb, and that was that.

Have not had a drop since I went into the hospital. Little past 60 days now. Can't say I don't miss alcohol, I do. Just not drinking, one night at a time. Tonight is my wife's birthday dinner celebration with her and my family. I have not really spoken about any of this with any of them or really seem them much.

I have sort of just been..hiding I guess, doing my thing. I am sure someone will order alcohol, I can't really not go. I am sure I will be fine, just a little apprehensive.

I have been taking over the counter Meletonin to help sleep. I know it's "natural" but I am going to work on knocking that off next. I took less than I usually do last night, slept about 3 hours. I think it's the last short term hurdle I need to get over before the long road.

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear you have made it through all the withdrawals safely and congratulations on 60 days sober. Regarding the party for your wife, she obviously knows about your issues, hopefully you have discussed it and that you can not drink under any circumstances tonight? You need to have a plan for what you will do if you are tempted or asked to drink. Even one drink can potentially take you back to where you were 60 days ago remember.

Gaddenn

Thank you for the reply. She is very aware that I am done and very supportive. It's just an odd situation, I can't really ask her not to order any, it is her birthday and I am the one with the problem, not her.

She has gone out I think twice with her female friends for drinks since I started my thread, which is of course perfectly fine, she came home, told me what she had, if it was good etc (I didn't ask but it didn't bother me that she told me). I just wasn't there.

Just going to be weird sitting around people or next to her drinking for the first time since...the mess I created. She may not order any drinks, who knows, I am certainly not going to ask her not to though.

Getting ready to leave in a few minutes, please feel free to post any advice, I will probably be looking at the forum a time or two if I step out to have a smoke. There is no way in hell I would have the balls to order a drink in front of everyone. I don't think they know the details but they know "something" happened and I ended up in detox.

Thanks again.

Gaddenn

Also tomorrow we are scheduled to go spend the day with her Father at his place. I have this really overwhelming urge to explain everything to him, how ashamed I am, that I am sorry and I am trying to do the right thing etc.

Probably shouldn't, dunno, that's a whole other topic anyway.

Gottalife

Just wondering what is the nature of the sleep problem. When you wake up after three hours, what is happening in your mind? Do you just gaze blankly at the ceiling, awake but otherwise peaceful?

scaredikklegoth

Well done on 60 days! I hope you don't struggle too much with tonight's festivities. I went to a party recently for Halloween and did not drink but I'm pregnant so it was easy to pass on alcohol. I imagine it may get more difficult as time goes on. If you don't want to outright tell everyone then perhaps just say you have a lot of work to do the next day or that you're on some meds that don't mix well with booze.

Also, how awful that you can just get bounced out of hospital just because your insurance ran out. Isn't that dangerous? Madness.

corriec

Why not just try to do without the pills for as long as you can, Gadenn? You'll know when you really need one, I'm sure. But maybe you don't need them at all; which you won't know unless you try.

Dee74

I'm glad you're doing better Gaddenn
I don't see why he needs to know quite honestly.

Drinking made you really sick, you stopped drinking. The end

D

Downthepath

I tell people that drinking causes me to have intolerable anxiety, so I'm just not doing it any more. I've had the same response each time, 'good on you for cutting it out, I'm not sure i could...'

HTown

Do what feels right to you with the Father but it is early. I would wait to tell people.

I would advise you to ask your wife to be supportive and not drink in front of you. Out with her friends is great, but just for now.
Change up your routine. Walk around the block; rearrange the furniture. This is more than just giving it a break. There are spots on your liver. This is awake up call.

complete lifestyle change. All alcohol out of the house, You will save a ton of money and believe me you will feel so much better without an alcohol habit.

if it comes to mind, “f@&$ it I am having a drink” remember the thing that gets f’d is you.

you can do this, good luck. read the stories here.

Mizzuno

I think these types of Conversations happen over time. It's important to know your truth and come to conclusions about yourself and your drinking. In reality, it is no ones business what you choose to do or not. The relationship you Have with yourself and your wife is of the utmost importance. Just an opinion.

It's good to hear how supportive your wife is of your recovery. This is an important aspect to our overall health...She isn't your only support and leaning on us here will prove to be invaluable.

Take care of you. Good work on 2 months. The sky is the limit.

Gaddenn

Thanks all for the advice, I seems I only post when I have a hurdle coming up. Sorry about that. In regards to the last party, almost everyone at the table ordered drinks. It was a little uncomfortable sitting there surrounded by drinks but I got through it.

This weekend is yet another unavoidable event, the wife's company Christmas party. It's a very small company with less than 10 employees, again would be very strange for me not to attend.

It usually involves a night in the city well into the AM. Her boss usually ends up buying food and drinks for all at several restaurants and venues including comedy clubs and stage theater throughout the night. Leaving at will isn't really an option, the past few years everyone met at the office and loaded into a rented limo for the night. It would be more than odd driving myself tagging behind the limo with everyone else in it more than an hour into the city one way. I am sure there will be drinks flowing in the limo as well.

Thankfully this year it is supposed to be a shorter night but at a casino instead. I can't really skip it, that's not fair to her and I can't avoid places like this for the rest of my life just hiding from them. As much as I want to...I can't just hide from life in a bubble.

In the past I happily accepted the drinks at this annual event as it made me more sociable and not as on edge. Should be a challenge for sure. I will update. Looking forward to day 90.

Maudcat

Oh, those office party rituals.
Who ever thought they would be fun should be pelted with cats.
Wait, that would be cruel to the cats.
Honestly, anything you can do to guard your sobriety is good.
If you can’t pass on the event, I would just have something non-alcoholic in my hand all of the time.
I would also be upfront about not drinking, if anyone cares to ask.
If you want to cloud the issue, there any number of things you can say: I’m on meds and can’t drink. I have a bad stomach and drinking makes it worse. (I’ve used that one).
Good luck. Hope it goes well.

Maudcat

Congrats on 90 days. Meant to say that earlier.
I felt much more secure in my sobriety at 90 than at 30.