paragonlost

I drank again tonight I couldn't even make it one night. Its such an escape and at the time seems like the best thing to do

Anna

Hi Paragon,

I used alcohol to escape from my problems for a few years and, of course, it doesn't work. The problems were still there and I made things worse than I could have imagined. You can regain control of your life by taking small steps. Take it hour by hour or minute by minute and you can do it. Try to do something different in your day, anything that will take your mind off drinking. Hang around and keep posting.

Love, Anna

1Marty

Hi Paragon, for myself I also thought drinking was just the best thing to do. It was the only thing that I could take to really relax, to really feel good. But it is not the best thing to do, it just feels that way because it is comfortable and familar. Its going to take time to unlearn the drinking for comfort, and to relearn somthing else to take its place. We didn't just get into this situation yesterday, so take it easy, don't be to down on yourself. Concentrate on staying sober just for the current day.

mikee

Hi Paragon, hang tough, get up & ride again. I stand by: take one day at a time, it works! For me when i need a drink, I'll make myself take a long walk..Today it was pouring down rain.....hence, I certainly did NOT need a drink today!

Music

"Alcohol gave me wings and then took away the sky."

I thought booze was my best friend. It was always there and always seemed to know what I needed. It seemed I couldn't do without it, at least that's what I thought.

I had to hit my knees and ask for help each day to do what I needed to do to not drink. Didn't matter what it was that I needed to do. I went to AA meetings, got a sponsor, and worked the steps. I guess I wanted what AA had to offer and I was willing to go to any lengths to get what was offered.

Most the people I've seen fail and drink again, just weren't willing to go to any lengths. They kept trying to strike a bargain and do things their way again. That's what got them drunk in the first place.

Dunitall

Hi Paragon

I agree with all the posts here.

Firstly. Don't beat yourself up. What's done is done. In the past. Out of the way. Today is a new day and that's what you need to focus on. Here and now. One hour at a time, one day at a time.

Just do something for yourself today. We've all been through the same feelings and behaviours. You know you can do this and it sounds like you want to.

Perhaps you can get to an AA meeting today. Both there and on this site you will get lots of support. You are not alone.

Take courage from one of Nelson Mandela's most moving speeches. "The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but rising every time we fall".

You're OK.

Rich

dave65

hi paragon
like dunitall has said don't beat yourself up over it, i spent the last 20 years telling myself today i will not drink only to drink again and promise myself it would be the last time and now i'm comming up to 2 months sober it can be done and there is a lot of help and support on here , i don't think i would have made it this far without the help and support i have received from here.
good luck and stay strong.

Connie

"What they said!"

It's a brand new day, just know that there's lots of support out there, when sought.

Good luck, one day at a time.......

allaroundtown

Hi Paragon, don't beat yourself up just look forward to a new day. I am not even a month sober yet and I crave a drink constantly. This is not the first time I have quit , but i hope it will be the last. You CAN do it, if you want it bad enough! keep posting here, it has really helped me stay strong lots of times when I just really wanted to have a drink I just came here and read some post from other people dealing with the same situation and it made a big difference in my battle with booze. Good luck and don't give up sobriety, is worth the struggle





Dee

Dunitall

Hi Paragon

Two days since you're first post on this thread!

I hopeyou've found the hope and strength which you were looking for.

Hang in there dude. It gets better from here. So much better.

Rich

paragonlost

well I've still been drinking. It helps me deal and maybe that isn't the right choice but sometimes it keeps the other thoughts away

splendra

what other thoughts? Why don't we think them together and see if we can deflate them running from them just gives them more power over you don't you know.....

Chy

Ditto to the above, you'll know it when your ready, and the good thing is your almost there!

paragonlost

Just the thoughts of not being good enough, never doing anything right. I'm a perfectionist and at least when I am drinking those thoughts are gone for a short time/

Music

Well Ms. Perfectionist...I've got a news flash for you. You never will be as good as you can be if you continue to drink. I used to come up with all kinds of "excuses" to drink. I started fights with my wife just so I could storm out of the house and go to the bar. If you're such a "perfectionist," why do you settle for doing the one thing that will surely render you imperfect. Let's face it, you drink because you want to drink. You can say anything you want, but some of us have heard it all before and it just doesn't wash. Nobody is so good at being so bad that they never do anything right. I think what you really need to do is keep right on drinking to the point that you land in a hospital, nut house or jail so you can get a wake up call, and even then. some folks just don't get it. They continue to drink way beyond what they think is the worst that can happen.

You can get off the downward elevator anytime you choose. My prayer for you is that you ride it all the way down 'til you can't stand it any more. Maybe then you'll have an "excuse" to not drink.

splendra

((((PL))))))

We have to shoot lying thoughts like that down...... they are lies!!!!!Your disease wants to keep you drinking. If I can pull out of thoughs kinds of thoughts anyone can. For years I went though the motions of living doing my duty but, not really considering that I did many things out of not feeling I was good enough.....

I wanted everything to be perfect too it never was until I started realizing that the only perfection for me was seeking my Higher Power's will for me.I may not do everything perfect but, my HP leads me in perfection.

When I used to drink.... alcohol was my Higher Power and it's yours right now too. Are you really willing to give yourself to this false god? I am sure you real HP has much better ways to bring about perfection for you but, you will only obtain it when you give up the lies....

paragonlost

I hope I don't keep drinking to this point........... thats the whole purpose of trying to get help is so it doesn't get to that point. As far as the question of why I drink if I am a perfectionist, I don't want to be a perfectionist, its an unrealistic goal for anyone so just thinking that it won't make me perfect doesn't help. I drink to overcome the thought that I'm not perfect, if that makes any sense at all

Cadence57

And how is that working for you?

paragonlost

Realistically its not working a all, I just end up being more angr for drinking again, but at the time it works because it makes me not think about the other things that have me upset. I know its not the right solution, and I'm trying to stop it, I'm just having a hard time managing to do that.

Cadence57

Well, it sounds like you're working on it - you are aware - that is a good first step. Quitting must move beyond the "want to" stage and into the reality of wanting it badly enough to do whatever it takes. I'm sure it will when you get "there" -- to that point... your "bottom" that place in your life when you say "Enough"
Good luck