LoneWolf04

Hi all, I am new to this and have been struggling lately.. most of all I was wondering, what are your experiences with dealing with the sense of hopelessness in *very* early recovery? I find myself really burdened by my past drinking, as if its a curse I have to carry around and regardless of how much I make amends, improve my life, the sense that the 'damage is done' is strong.. I need that hope now more than ever in order to make sobriety stick...

Ghostlight1

Well, I'll tell ya. I don't forget those feelings and I hope I never do. I've been sober six years nine months and posts like yours help me.
You may never lose those feelings, but remembering them keeps me sober.

That's why I read the Newcomers forum. So I'm reminded of what it's like 'out there'.
I'm sorry you're feeling hopeless. That part can go. You don't need to carry that burden around.
I know I felt that way in early sobriety, too. In fact, I was lost. I didn't remember how to live sober.
I learned that by going to AA. That there is hope because others like me had overcome it.
Feelings of hopelessness will leave us, to paraphrase a passage in the Big Book.
If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. It can really help and make you realize you're not alone. And you're not. I've been there and what was a burden and shame of twenty years of drinking, the memory of the misery it caused has become an asset.
I never want to go back there and your post reminded me of that, so thank you.

The damage is done. There's no changing that. The past that is. Look toward the future and the blessings sobriety will bring, and then we can make amends for the wreckage of our drinking lives.

I wish you the best. You're not alone. I went through the same thing and came out the other side a better person. I hope the same for you.

LoneWolf04

Thank you so much for this. Was a great thing to read particularly in this vulnerable moment in time. It is very encouraging to hear someone like yourself come out the other side. So happy for you, it must feel like a miracle. I made some progress this year, but after relapsing and struggling again, and I am kind of stuck between trying to take one day at a time and finding motivation and clarity for the 'day by day' process, and then that of dealing with the overwhelming gravity of the situation... that ability to balance the emotions etc is gold, I guess.

ardy

Hi Lonewolf... yep I had that and still do. can have one crawl over me for hours.. work helps I can push it back.. sometimes its just to much. Its the brain telling you off Royally ... love prayers and hope for a stable little bit..

ChloeRose63

You are not alone. I struggle to find meaning and a sense of purpose sometimes, too. Some mornings are more difficult then others but, I have learned that I can either be my own best friend or worst enemy depending on how I "speak to myself". My sober self is very positive and optimistic. I look forward to each new day and have the energy to accomplish great things.
The AV that comes when I am tired...it is the 'worst enemy' and brings me down...lures me into old habits and 'tempory escape plans' of drinking. It is a battle sometimes but, I will not lose my life over alcohol!

Obladi

LoneWolf,

Developing a program of recovery/discovery has been invaluable for me. In part, it helps me to stay busy and Accomplish Things which is self-reinforcing. But the greater part is contact with people that understand. For me that's IOP, therapy, SR, meetings, and calling loved ones on the regular.

The damage indeed is done and I've found an odd sense of freedom and promise in surrendering to that reality. From here there are two choices: let the despair of ruin take me down with it or build anew from the inside out. I hope that you take the second road. I've been a good way down the first and it's beyond grim.

O

Awake61

Hi - your post helped me so much today. The past few days I have been experiencing fatigue and sadness deeply. I realize it is part of my brain becoming used to sobriety and the ups and downs of not booze retreating. Good to hear others share about the same experience. I will never drink again.

tomsteve

i walked into AA feeling hopeless,helpless,useless, and worthless.
in very early recovery the one major thing i did to deal with it:
admit and accept alcohol NEVER helped with those feelings. i didnt drink over the feelings.
i went to meetings, read the big book, prayed, started working the steps, repeat.
as i worked the steps, i started feeling better about myself- i was able to see i wasnt a bad man, but a sick man. bad men dont have remorse and guilt for past actions. sick men do.
but i was feeling better about myself because i was changing one major ingredient in my life- ME.
i was able to clean up the wreckage of my past the best i could.i i made amends, which wasnt running around to everyone saying,"im sorry."

it took T.I.M.E. ( Things I Must Earn) to start feeling better about myself, but with the ACTIONS i was doing, it started happening.

i walked into AA feeling hopeless,helpless,useless, and worthless.
today i have hope,worth,use, and can help others.

thomas11

I can assure you that time heals most wounds. Things are fresh right now, and they are painful. If you can remain sober, a year from now those things will be a distant memory. People will know the new you and not the old you. Generally, we as a people are pretty forgiving. Stay sober, stay strong.

JudicatorPanzer

For me in very early recovery I had the same feelings of guilt, shame and hoplessness. My brain was still foggy for weeks after my last drink, and the anxiety ran high. When I started to clear up I said the serenity prayer out loud several times a day. I had to accept what I couldn't change, and have the courage to change the things I can. Every day is an opportunity to better ourselves. I put the past in my rear view mirror but keep looking forward through the windshield of the present. I look back every once in a while, but usually keep my focus on today.