Planning a Slip
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 83
Planning a Slip
I am not quite one year sober. I have a business trip coming up in a couple of weeks and I have been planning to drink during it. I have been thinking about it so much that I've almost gotten comfortable with the idea. It is a very selfish thought, but it stays with me. I haven't told on myself inside the rooms or even to my sponsor because I didn't want anyone to get in the way of my plans. All this said, I shudder when I think of the myriad of ways this plan can go horrible wrong.
I guess I just wanted to tell on myself.
I guess I just wanted to tell on myself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
That sounds like a terrible plan! Why? You are letting your AV get back in control and you need to put a stop to that immediately.
I'm glad you came on here and told on yourself. It would be a crying shame for you to return to drinking and you know it.
I'm glad you came on here and told on yourself. It would be a crying shame for you to return to drinking and you know it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 83
You guys are right and thanks for replying. Just telling on here has made me feel differently about it. I am going to talk to my sponsor today.
You are both correct. It would be a really, really bad idea. I don't want to throw away my year.
You are both correct. It would be a really, really bad idea. I don't want to throw away my year.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
It's not even about the length of time since your last drink, it's about going back to that way of living and thinking and being! Remember what it was like and how you felt when you were wanting to stop but couldn't and what it took to finally get to the head space where you were ready to quit. I don't know about you but it was hard to get the mojo to quit. If you make this crazy decision you could end up stuck back in that sh*tty cycle for years again. You don't want that. The REAL you doesn't want that. This is your addiction talking to you and you need to stop listening to IT.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
Man, that scares me! Every time I read about someone slipping or thinking of slipping might be a wake up thing for me to stay on top of my game. Thank you for being honest I know you really don't want to slip or you wouldn't have said anything. Hang in there you won't be sorry!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Hi feldknocker 
I think it's great you ratted yourself out.
The one thing I can guarantee is nothing changes when we make the decision to drink again - except that things may be worse this time around.
Don't fall for the lie that abstinence equals control. It doesn't.
My life is better and I am better because I removed alcohol from my life - reintroduce alcohol and I slide back down to square one.
I see you've been at this at least since 2013 so this is not your first rodeo.
what do you think alcohol will add to your life?
at nearly a year in are you missing something?
D
I think it's great you ratted yourself out.
The one thing I can guarantee is nothing changes when we make the decision to drink again - except that things may be worse this time around.
Don't fall for the lie that abstinence equals control. It doesn't.
My life is better and I am better because I removed alcohol from my life - reintroduce alcohol and I slide back down to square one.
I see you've been at this at least since 2013 so this is not your first rodeo.
what do you think alcohol will add to your life?
at nearly a year in are you missing something?
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
Thoughts do not hurt, maim, kill- destroy careers, families -........
I THINK ALL SORTS OF ABSURD THINGS- all the time! Thoughts that are put into action- do.
You already have an awareness. If I get angry at some one- I could 'feed' that anger by doing nothing to calm down- shout at the person I am angry at, hit walls, cuss at people...rerun the anger story in my mind until I am ready to fight (with words). Or knowing I am angry- I can remove myself from that situation, do the breathing bit- count to 10- mindful in 5, hold 4 out six- whatever. I can eat and have a coffee in a quiet place and talk to a quiet friend.
YOU can do that with your thoughts of drinking. To say 'it is inevitable- I WILL drink', is crap. You have an awareness...use it. Have a plan- what to do, have non booze drinks with you, talk to your sponsor- be honest. Secretive behaviour was the anchor stone of my addictive drinking. Write stuff down. Post here to be accountable to yourself. Say- post before a meeting where you might feel like drinking at- if for work...then post after the meeting to tell us (SR people like you) how you went. The most important time to work hard- is when you do not want to. Not just to report of all the gold star moments- but the dark ones.
Support to you.
I THINK ALL SORTS OF ABSURD THINGS- all the time! Thoughts that are put into action- do.
You already have an awareness. If I get angry at some one- I could 'feed' that anger by doing nothing to calm down- shout at the person I am angry at, hit walls, cuss at people...rerun the anger story in my mind until I am ready to fight (with words). Or knowing I am angry- I can remove myself from that situation, do the breathing bit- count to 10- mindful in 5, hold 4 out six- whatever. I can eat and have a coffee in a quiet place and talk to a quiet friend.
YOU can do that with your thoughts of drinking. To say 'it is inevitable- I WILL drink', is crap. You have an awareness...use it. Have a plan- what to do, have non booze drinks with you, talk to your sponsor- be honest. Secretive behaviour was the anchor stone of my addictive drinking. Write stuff down. Post here to be accountable to yourself. Say- post before a meeting where you might feel like drinking at- if for work...then post after the meeting to tell us (SR people like you) how you went. The most important time to work hard- is when you do not want to. Not just to report of all the gold star moments- but the dark ones.
Support to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
I slipped at 9 months and absolutely regret it. I did hop straight back on the horse though and have over a month sober... again.... there was no easing into my old habits, was right back to November last year after that first drink.
Speaking from experience, it is not worth it, certainly not enjoyable, and the anxiety and worry that enveloped me for days after was truly horrible. A mental nightmare.
Kudos for snitching on yourself
Speaking from experience, it is not worth it, certainly not enjoyable, and the anxiety and worry that enveloped me for days after was truly horrible. A mental nightmare.
Kudos for snitching on yourself
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
One thing that helped me when I would get thoughts like that was: Play the tape through.
OK, you drink for the first time in a year, for whatever reason your feeble addict voice thinks makes logical sense. What happens after that?
For me the answer was always clear, because I had gone down that path before. There is no joy, it doesn't feel good like I thought it would, it doesn't even taste good like I thought it would, I'm just drunk and extremely upset with myself that I've hit the reset button and have to go through at least part of the whole withdrawal process all over again. So upset that it's easier to keep drinking and forget about the guilt, after all what the hell, I've already started. So one drink turns into 10 and I pass out and wake up feeling like hell, and I remember what happened and feel guilty and know what one thing will make it go away: More drink.
When I looked at it that way, that one reward drink didn't seem so appetizing after all, because playing the tape through I knew it would mean a return to the hell that I had worked so hard to escape.
OK, you drink for the first time in a year, for whatever reason your feeble addict voice thinks makes logical sense. What happens after that?
For me the answer was always clear, because I had gone down that path before. There is no joy, it doesn't feel good like I thought it would, it doesn't even taste good like I thought it would, I'm just drunk and extremely upset with myself that I've hit the reset button and have to go through at least part of the whole withdrawal process all over again. So upset that it's easier to keep drinking and forget about the guilt, after all what the hell, I've already started. So one drink turns into 10 and I pass out and wake up feeling like hell, and I remember what happened and feel guilty and know what one thing will make it go away: More drink.
When I looked at it that way, that one reward drink didn't seem so appetizing after all, because playing the tape through I knew it would mean a return to the hell that I had worked so hard to escape.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
We fantasize about how fun & relaxing it would feel - but it never does. We crossed over from social to alcoholic drinking long ago - there's no going back. I know - because I tried having a little vacation from sobriety - it led to a horrible, lengthy relapse. Glad you told on yourself, Feldknocker.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
Why not ask your sponsor for some real help now. Time to humble thyself and ask for real help.
Or, you could die a slow and painful alcoholic death or work on living a spiritual way of life; being of maximum usefulness to others.......
It's a choice. Glad you told on yourself. It took me 25 years to stay stopped. Chronically relapsing or in the midst of a drunk or a sober stint.....(they never lasted), please, remember you don't want to know what your new consequences will be! Plus, ya got some AA in ya, your drunk won't be that good. It will suck. (well, this is MY experience!)
Or, you could die a slow and painful alcoholic death or work on living a spiritual way of life; being of maximum usefulness to others.......
It's a choice. Glad you told on yourself. It took me 25 years to stay stopped. Chronically relapsing or in the midst of a drunk or a sober stint.....(they never lasted), please, remember you don't want to know what your new consequences will be! Plus, ya got some AA in ya, your drunk won't be that good. It will suck. (well, this is MY experience!)
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hi,
I'm glad you came here to post and glad you planned to talk with your sponsor (did you?).
I've much less experience with being sober (this go-round) than you do, but my advice having gone through a similar planning episode last week is to express your thoughts with your sponsor, another AA friend and at a meeting. The more I told on myself, the weaker that plan became. And I didn't drink.
O
I'm glad you came here to post and glad you planned to talk with your sponsor (did you?).
I've much less experience with being sober (this go-round) than you do, but my advice having gone through a similar planning episode last week is to express your thoughts with your sponsor, another AA friend and at a meeting. The more I told on myself, the weaker that plan became. And I didn't drink.
O
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
Dare I say you are actually in the midst of a relapse right now. Relapsed don't just happen out of the blue. Your mind starts working way ahead of time... exactly like you described. If you want to stay sober you will certainly tell your sponsor all about your plans and ask for guidance.
Even calling a relapse a "slip" is a way your mind minimizes the event by making it sound like a mistake and something that isn't your fault. The alcoholic mind is a terrible foe that forces you to be on guard at all times and continuously aware of your actions.
Even calling a relapse a "slip" is a way your mind minimizes the event by making it sound like a mistake and something that isn't your fault. The alcoholic mind is a terrible foe that forces you to be on guard at all times and continuously aware of your actions.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 31
Well you told on yourself here, good for you. It's not uncommon to plan a slip when you are about to achieve a milestone. Just because we stop drinking doesn't mean we stop being alcoholics. Seems like you are in AA so talking with your sponsor is a good idea. Another good idea might be instead of planning your slip, plan to stay sober during your trip. Plan ahead and see what AA meetings are available to where you are going. Call the intergroup in the area where you are going and see if you can make contact with a sober person who will go to a meeting with you. I have done a lot of trips in my time and have always connected to AA where I am going. And I have been to AA meetings all over the world, and it was amazing...Montreal, Brazil, out West, Asia, Scotland...they follow basically the same format, but some of the fellowship aspects after the meetings are culturally different, I have made new friends and have stayed sober and have wonderful times on those trips, both business and pleasure. Plan to stay sober, not to slip. I wish you well
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by feldknocker 
You guys are right and thanks for replying. Just telling on here has made me feel differently about it. I am going to talk to my sponsor today.
You are both correct. It would be a really, really bad idea. I don't want to throw away my year.
You are both correct. It would be a really, really bad idea. I don't want to throw away my year.
pre meditated drunks suck and planning a drunk is an extreme example of self will run riot.
prolly a good idea to put yer HP back in the drivers seat,eh?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 83
I really appreciate those that took the time to reply. This board is a great resource.
I talked to my sponsor about this yesterday. He told me I need to up my meetings, be honest with others about my plan, and continue to ask God to remove this obsession. I'm currently working through my 9th step. He told me that sometimes revisiting those old memories can cause thoughts of drinking because they are unpleasant and our mind wants its instant relief. He is a wonderful sponsor and I felt great after talking with him.
I have been a bit light on meetings in recent weeks and I'm going to change that. I also will sign up to chair a meeting prior to my trip. That gets me thinking about something besides me. And in my prayers, I will ask for God's strength in keeping me away from this temptation.
Seeing my original post and reading your responses makes me see what a horrible idea this would be. I especially like the thought of "playing the tape through". I've had relapses before. It was said on this thread that they were never the fun that the romanticised fantasy makes them out to be. Traveling is a huge trigger for me. I did a lot of drinking in airports and hotels by myself. Ironically, last drunk in September 2016 ended with me being arrested for disorderly conduct in an airport after I'd gotten drunk and bothered some passengers with sloppy behavior. I see no reason why that couldn't easily happen to me again if I drink when I travel.
Even if I don't have a consequence while drunk, as it was said by someone on this thread, the anxiety and depression of the following days will be monumental. I am 47 years old. I know that that alcohol's toll on my body chemistry has increased exponentially over the years. My anxiety and depression goes to dangerous levels after drinking. Not to mention how bad I will feel about myself for throwing a year away.
Sorry to be long-winded. Typing all of this out is helpful. I don't want any of the consequences a bender will have no matter how small. I'm taking action today by hitting a lunch meeting.
Thank you all and God bless you. I love having other like-minded people in this world I can turn to.
I talked to my sponsor about this yesterday. He told me I need to up my meetings, be honest with others about my plan, and continue to ask God to remove this obsession. I'm currently working through my 9th step. He told me that sometimes revisiting those old memories can cause thoughts of drinking because they are unpleasant and our mind wants its instant relief. He is a wonderful sponsor and I felt great after talking with him.
I have been a bit light on meetings in recent weeks and I'm going to change that. I also will sign up to chair a meeting prior to my trip. That gets me thinking about something besides me. And in my prayers, I will ask for God's strength in keeping me away from this temptation.
Seeing my original post and reading your responses makes me see what a horrible idea this would be. I especially like the thought of "playing the tape through". I've had relapses before. It was said on this thread that they were never the fun that the romanticised fantasy makes them out to be. Traveling is a huge trigger for me. I did a lot of drinking in airports and hotels by myself. Ironically, last drunk in September 2016 ended with me being arrested for disorderly conduct in an airport after I'd gotten drunk and bothered some passengers with sloppy behavior. I see no reason why that couldn't easily happen to me again if I drink when I travel.
Even if I don't have a consequence while drunk, as it was said by someone on this thread, the anxiety and depression of the following days will be monumental. I am 47 years old. I know that that alcohol's toll on my body chemistry has increased exponentially over the years. My anxiety and depression goes to dangerous levels after drinking. Not to mention how bad I will feel about myself for throwing a year away.
Sorry to be long-winded. Typing all of this out is helpful. I don't want any of the consequences a bender will have no matter how small. I'm taking action today by hitting a lunch meeting.
Thank you all and God bless you. I love having other like-minded people in this world I can turn to.
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