leanabeana

My ex announced his new relationship on Facebook and I really want to drink. I unfriended him (finally) but it really triggered me. He was more of a longer term friend with benefits than a boyfriend, but it still hurts. She is someone he spent the weekend with while we were "together" so it brings up a lot of stuff.

This is the most overwhelming desire to drink since I quit. Relationship stuff usually puts me over the edge.

We quit drinking together two years ago so even quitting is haunted by him.

He posted this the day after the one-year anniversary of his ex-girlfriend's suicide (the one he dated right after me).

Dee74

Drinking at someone or something never work leana...it won't make you feel better, it won't help you forget and it certainly won't get you to a healthy place in order to move on.

As painful as it must be this is a great chance for you to start gaining some new tools and learning how to live life sober...remember there's tons of support here - you're not alone.

Post as much as you need to.

It sounds like this guy was quite a while ago? I think you deserve a new start

Here's some things thats may help too:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

You can do this

D

leanabeana

We stopped sleeping together in August 2016 and we were "together" for 18 months. I have not been with anyone since and it generally takes me forever to get over people. Especially since I drank through all the feelings over the past year -- I feel like I'm dealing with it for the first time. But yes, I deserve a fresh start.

I think I'll get through it but I just felt so vulnerable feeling emotional distress and trying to tolerate it without alcohol.

leanabeana

Is it normal to have such a delayed reaction to something after quitting?

ScottFromWI

Yep, absolutely. Things were up and down ( and sideways ) for me for weeks after I quit. Your body and mind need time to heal.

biminiblue

That over-connection to people is all part of the depersonalization that happened to me too as a result of alcohol.

At about three months sober I felt like my psyche was coming back together, almost like puzzle pieces fitting back in place. I started feeling safe, in control of my emotions. It was a profound experience.

Hang on. Read around the Friends and Family section of this site, too. It will help you detach in a healthy way.

leanabeana

I'm genuinely worried I will see him at an AA meeting. I don't know how I'll react because I definitely don't want to share in front of him. His new girlfriend drinks so I doubt he plans to get sober anytime soon.

tomsteve

yup, and THAT is what triggered ya. it wasnt what happened that brought the want for a drink.
it was not knowing a solution other than drink-yet.

and ya didnt drink so good on ya !


"I'm genuinely worried I will see him at an AA meeting. I don't know how I'll react because I definitely don't want to share in front of him. His new girlfriend drinks so I doubt he plans to get sober anytime soon."


worrying is like rockin in a rockin chair-its sumthin to do,but gets ya nowhere.
you wont see him anytime soon. no worries then,right?

and if he walks in in the future,you will have worked on yourself a LOT and it wont bother ya.

might be wise to get back into today,eh?

leanabeana

My therapist asked me what I would do if I saw him at a meeting. I can only imagine myself walking out. Maybe that will pass.

waynetheking

Why would you totally destroy yourself and run the risk of dying from alcoholism due to the actions of another human being on this planet? Nobody but nobody can say or do anything to me to make me want to drink and kill myself. When it comes to my personal wellbeing I have become bulletproof. Me first. My life depends on it. It's that simple.
Think about what alcoholism really is. Don't worry about other people's actions. They will never meet your full expectations. Never. Think about yourself. You are the only one that cure your disease and that is to stop drinking. Forget about people and their actions. Let it be.

DayTrader

Maybe a good idea would be to work the steps, especially in the relationship area, so you can be free of stuff like this?

There's no way I'd want to walk around knowing that if the wrong person showed up at the wrong time I would want to drink....or just start drinking. The purpose of recovery is to recognize that all our troubles are of our own making and then taking the necessary action to get past them so they no longer haunt us.

tangledknot

A little over a year ago, the guy I had been dating for two and a half years revealed to me that he had cheated on me by sleeping with a girl that I had been friends with for eight years. Apparently they had been talking privately behind my back for close to a year. This former friend of mine was deeply entrenched in our friend group, so for her to do that was a very serious betrayal, besides being betrayed by him also.

They are still together, although not officially and not happily from what I hear. Everywhere I go, I know that there is the possibility of seeing them out together. Often, I do. It doesn't feel like I'm being socked in the stomach anymore, but it still hurts.

Anyway, after I let him obliterate my self esteem, I went majorly off the deep end. I started smoking cigs again after giving them up for an entire year. I was drinking 1.5 L of wine every single day for 2 weeks. None of that nonsense helped me to recover from the devastation. If I could take back lighting up that cigarette again, I would. I'm still smoking now, after going through absolute hell to quit.

Don't let your feelings over him steal what you've worked so hard to achieve. Those feelings will pass. Also, forgive yourself if you feel guilty at all for not being over it yet. Everyone heals on their own time schedule. I get incredibly attached to people also and it takes me more time than most to get over it, so I understand where you're coming from. Much love to you and good luck!!! Stay strong and carry on

leanabeana

Thanks tangled. I'm feeling a bit better about things. It helps that I unfriended him on Facebook which is something I should have done long ago.

I know I need to work on myself to get to the root of why I'm like this. I haven't decided if that will be the 12 steps. I'm doing a lot of things that mirror the steps in therapy. We are starting to make progress now that I'm not drinking.