leanabeana

Suddenly I'm doubting my alcoholism after hearing the stories of others at meetings. I drank an average of 3-4 glasses of wine a day and drank a whole bottle about once a week. I know this is considered heavy drinking but I'm not feeling totally "legit". My friend also told me she thinks my drinking was moderate. I'm just feeling a bit confused.

nez

It ain't a competition. If you want to stop drinking, you are in the right place and not a fraud.

leanabeana

Thanks. I just wonder if I'm exaggerating my issue, but I know it's just my brain wanting an excuse to drink.

ScottFromWI

That's a very astute observation, and a correct one for most of us. Keep coming here to talk things through and don't bother comparing yourself to others.

eve123

I tried Aa nearly 11 years ago only to quit cos I also felt that my drinking wasn't bad enough. Fast forward 10 years and drinking nearly cos me everything!! There is no amount if you were not concerned about your drinking in first place then you eouldnt have gone to Aa. Take it from me it is progressive and it will cost you a lot more than money eventually. All the best and the only requirement for Aa is the desire to stop drinking. That's it

BlownOne

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Doesn't matter how much or anything else. That's your own business and no one else's.

Ariesagain

I was almost identical in my drinkng patterns...

But it ain't the amount, it's the impact.

leanabeana

Thanks everyone. It helps to get some perspective.

Forgot to mention I would also sneak to the local pub during the workday one or two days a week and get a vodka soda. Once I went to the liquor store across the street and got a medium bottle of vodka and drank it in the bathroom stall at work. So yeah, it was definitely not insignificant drinking.

nez

I can't answer for you or anyone else, but I well imagine most people probably don't exaggerate their issue with drinking but rather do exactly the opposite...rationalize and justify. I am not that bad.

That line of thinking is what kept me drinking and in living hell for years. I don't recommend that path, but it is certainly available to anyone who wants to take it. :~)

tursiops999

Hi Leanabeana -- my drinking pattern was just like yours -- same amount. And I had those exact same thoughts early on in AA. I wrestled with it a lot, but just decided to keep on with sobriety anyway. I'm glad i did ... now i can see that those thoughts are just the addiction trying to deceive me.

I read the AA book "Living Sober" early on. It had a paragraph that has always stuck with me -- something like, if you're on a bus headed for a town a thousand miles away, it may take awhile, but you're going to end up in that town, unless you get off the bus. That's how I understand my addiction -- it may have been in the "early" stages, but I was headed to a bad place unless I got off the bus, permanently.

Obladi

Yup, there's that addiction trying to hide things from you. Sneaking and drinking in bathroom stalls at work are definitely indicators of someone with a drink problem. You're in the right place. xo

Fusion

Hi Leanabeana, YES to the above! I drank like you, many, many, years ago.......then, alcohol tolerance took hold, and I drank more and more. I stepped off the bus quite late. But you have the ability to get off that bus much earlier. The reason why so many SR posters post, I believe, is to guide folks to stop drinking in the early stages and save themselves from an otherwise, eventual, enormous loss and heartache. It can be done and you can do it!

tomsteve

good on ya for recognizing this.
now for a suggestion:
when ya go to meetings, stop listening to the amount others drink and start listening to the thinking.
when i started doing that, i found myself right at home. even though________ only had 6 blackouts in his entire drinking career, he still had the same low self esteem i had. even though__________ never drank bourbon and only drank wine, she had the same fears and insecurities i had...........................................

leanabeana

Thanks all. Yes, the thinking and the attitude towards alcohol is key. I admitted to my therapist yesterday that I would often wake up looking forward to my first drink at the end of the day (or the middle of the day). That is not a healthy relationship with alcohol.

JeffreyAK

First time I went through outpatient rehab, actually in Oakland CA, a new guy came into the group. He could not communicate in complete sentences, he looked like he'd been living on the streets for years, his hands shook continuously, and he crapped his pants sitting in the room - no one wanted to sit anywhere near him because he stunk. The story, told to us by the counselor (he could not have done it, except in an incoherent mumble), was that the fellow had been a prosecutor in the DA's office, before he was fired for alcoholism, and he had been through their program several times already.

I think most people, me included now, would have looked at that sad case as a warning and an example of how bad things can get if you keep going down the same path. But at the time, I had the opposite reaction: Woo hoo, I'm not an alcoholic after all, THAT GUY is an alcoholic, but I'm fine.

A totally reptilian reaction, and subconsciously I just wanted an excuse to keep drinking, so I did. I didn't go as deep down the hole as that fellow had gone, but I was well on my way before I finally quit for good 4-5 months later.

biminiblue

You're not as bad as them...yet.

You're Eligible Too.

Keep drinking, it will happen. My body didn't send me a postcard that said, "Hey, psst, tomorrow when you start drinking you'll keep drinking until blackout. Day after that, you'll drink in the morning because you'll feel awful until you have a drink. You are now addicted and alcohol is your Master."

^^That stuff? It just happens. Insidiously, slowly, then quickly. An invisible line is crossed and it gets ugly after that.

leanabeana

Thanks everyone. I definitely feel less confused now. I need to pay less attention to drinkers who try to downplay my problem.

Gottalife

Our stories are sometimes the things that separate us. Dramatic drunkalogues cover the behaviour of the individual in terms of what he did drunk. There were things I didn't do, like drink meths, like wear a long coat, like have blackouts, like kill anyone, like lose a business or a lot of money ( never had any) lose a wife ( never had one) and on it goes. So I don't really identify with someone with an extreme story because my story is different.

Same with people who only drank in the shelter of their own home never getting into trouble like I did. That is probably why so many women have trouble identifying in AA. The professional lady may not have much in common with the skid row bum.

It is a matter of knowing what to look for in the stories. The drama is not what makes me alcoholic. I have two things in common with any real alcoholic, regardless of their story. When I start drinking I cannot guarantee how much I will drink every time, and even though there were many times I would have given anything to stop, I was defenseless against the fatal first drink.

It comes down to control and choice. If you have control, or if you can choose when and how much you will drink, you are not like me.

leanabeana

Very true for me. Thanks Gottalife. Finally coming to terms with all this.

Nowsthetime

ExCtly!!!

Sometimes people are forced to evaluate their own drinking and start downplaying...

This is about YOU, not them.