Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Alcoholism Information > Alcoholism
Reload this Page >

AH quit drinking cold turkey, what to expect now?



Notices

AH quit drinking cold turkey, what to expect now?

Old 08-31-2017, 08:24 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
ukiah77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 79
AH quit drinking cold turkey, what to expect now?

It's been awhile since I've visited here, my last post was 2014. Been with AH for 15 yrs, we have 3 children together. He started drinking when he was 15. He quit for a year in 2014, started back up, now here we are, he quit again. I guess people can hit "rock bottom" more than once. This time he swears he's quitting for good, no more 1 year time frame like last time. He swears me and the kids are more important to him than drinking. He knows I would have no choice but to leave him if this (emotional) abuse continued. We've heard all this before. My question is, can people really change, can they make good on their promises? Please tell me it happens sometimes. I've heard more stories of, "Well, he started drinking again so I had to take the kids and leave him..." I'm currently trying to get him to see a doctor or talk to a professional. Last time he didn't, and his mind tricked him again into believing I'm the only one who had a problem with his drinking...The same old quacking. Although, he seems to have a better attitude about abstinence this time around. His dad had a big talk with him and I think it sank in. Would counseling help with his dry drunk brain playing tricks on him again? He has been mostly pleasant and positive, but sometimes he makes comments like I am the reason he can't drink anymore because I "hate" drinking and am over dramatic, etc. It sounds to me he is already glamorizing his past drinking habits and turning on me, as the party kill joy. He is rude to me when I try to act like a normal husband and wife, kissing hello, asking how his day was, etc.. He says fine, and walks away from me. He seems cold and hollow. But other days he says he is serious about quitting and that he loves me and the kids more than anything. It's such a rollercoaster day to day. I am hopeful that some marriages can and do survive this. Not all have to fail, do they? How can I be supportive, but not codependent? What does an RAH need from their wife to help them maintain abstinence and build back our relationship? Everything I try to do seems like it's annoying him. I am trying my best to get him to talk to someone, but he has been very resistant to that idea. I am staying hopeful. I love him very much.
ukiah77 is offline  
Old 08-31-2017, 09:14 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
JD
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
I think the most important part of quitting drinking is you have to do it for yourself. Yeah, doing it for the kids and wife is a noble cause but you have to want it no matter what happens in your life. You're already seeing the resentment in his comments of blaming you. There's a big difference between quitting drinking and recovery. Recovery often entails some significant changes in thinking and life style.
JD is offline  
Old 08-31-2017, 09:17 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
totfit
 
totfit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Can't really tell you what to expect as one can never predict. Statistics show the odds are about the same whether or not someone goes to AA or has therapy or just quits on their own with no support. The no support thing though is a little fuzzy as we all seek some type of support or validation. As far as what you can do for him, I think it best just to leave for him to do. You might say that you are happy and/or proud of him for doing what he is doing for validation sake, but just let him deal with his demon. It was best for me when I was just left to deal with mine. Just let him know you are there for him, but a hands off approach is best or at least it was for me.
totfit is offline  
Old 08-31-2017, 10:33 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
Doesn't sound to me like your husband gets it at all. Quitting drinking is not the same as embracing recovery. In order to get anything out of not drinking or being sober, a person has to learn how to think and act in a completely different manner . AA refers to this a psychic change. A total shift in thinking that compels a person to want to be a better human being by taking responsibility for their actions, words and lives. If he really want to get sober and embrace recovery he has to want to do it for himself. Not for you. Not for your kids. And he'll do it, with or without you. And that's how it should be. We can't get sober for someone else. Hugs to you.
BlownOne is offline  
Old 08-31-2017, 10:52 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Done4today's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
I would suggest Al anon meetings. You will be able to get support and insight. Good luck.
Done4today is offline  
Old 08-31-2017, 12:17 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
ukiah77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 79
totfit: I will take a step back and refrain from trying to "help" too much. I can show my support without questioning or judging or fixing. Thank you for the advice.
ukiah77 is offline  
Old 08-31-2017, 02:08 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
~sb
 
sugarbear1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,986
How about getting to Al Anon meetings and begin your own healing?
sugarbear1 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:42 PM.