Beebizzy

Hi Everyone,

I was here a few years ago - I hope it's OK if I come back?

I don't really know how to start this post - or anything lol.

I quit drinking for about 8 months after I was last here, then went back to it somehow (can't remember the circumstances). I've realised that next month it will be 3 years that I've drunk every single day, to a greater or lesser degree (mostly greater). Not had a single day without alcohol in 3 years.

I know this is an alcohol forum but I also smoke way too much. I am worried sick about the effects of these two things on my health. I wake up panicking like crazy at 4 or 5 every morning.

I drink in the evenings at home alone. I think a lot of it has to do with work. I have a good job that I like, and recently got promoted. But I feel super-responsible for everything. I have, always have had, an over-developed sense of guilt and responsibility. And my boss doesn't ha ha. She is really nice but relies on me for absolutely everything.

And there's nothing in my life apart from work, which doesn't help.

I want to change all of that, but I don't know how. I always say 'tomorrow I'll stop drinking' but I never do.

How do you push through the first day without - mentally I mean? Not what do you physically do, but how do you get through the mental anxiety around it, if you know what I mean? Is it willpower that first time?

Thank you
Beebizzy

Obladi

Hi Beebizzy,

I'm glad you came back and of course you are welcome here! It seems that our stories have a lot of commonalities. I've also recently returned after a long absence and found nothing but open arms. As you can see from my join date, I've been trying for over 5 years to gain control. Turns out that the best way to gain control is to give it up and acknowledge 100% that I simply can not drink. Period.

Have you been to your GP to discuss this? I would go with his or her recommendation based on your physical and mental state as well as your potential risk for serious withdrawal.

I've been sober for 12 days. My method of quitting is not recommended by the vast majority of people on SR because it's difficult and generally not effective, but it worked for me. My last day of drinking I tapered off; I bought half the amount of vodka I had been drinking and sipped on mixed drinks a tiny bit at a time throughout the day and into the night. I also took prescribed medication that my psychiatrist said could be used for withdrawal. This kept the tremors and anxiety at bay, not completely but enough so that I could tolerate it.

After that first day, I got busy. Really busy. Working the tools with a passion, cleaning, rearranging, going to meetings, etc. It has been tremendously helpful and lessened the anxiety as my attention was focused elsewhere. Pop over to my thread for a read on that if you're interested.

I'm so glad you're here!

O

biminiblue

Welcome back, Beebizzy.

Are you in the U.S.? This upcoming long weekend would be a great time to do some recovery work. Can you quit this week?

I also tapered a little. I went from 12 to two, to one, in about four days total. Like Obladi, on that last day I just had a little tiny bit when the symptoms got scary. A lot of people here say that tapering didn't work for them. It may not work for you either - but I was able to manage it, and I didn't know withdrawal could be dangerous. Blissfully ignorant, I guess.

Then it's just a matter of reinforcing that decision to stay quit on every single morning. Not touching it, no matter what. Deciding I can get through anything without it.

A long weekend would get you past the withdrawals, the first few days were shaky for me - I think if I had asked a doctor I may have gotten through it easier, so keep that option open. You can do it.

Some people tackle all their addictions at one time, and some pick away at them. You know yourself best.

Beebizzy

Hi Obladi and biminiblue,

Thanks so much for the welcome! I'm glad I'm back here. Well done to you both for quitting.

Funnily enough I also see a psychiatrist - for bipolar 2, but I only see him twice a year now because I've been really well for a couple of years. The first two times I tried to quit it was under his supervision and he gave me valium for that. The last time when I quit for 8 months I did it solo without anything and it went fine. I'm not sure I really drink enough to have serious withdrawal, but I might be deluding myself. In any case, I'm way too embarrassed to go to him with this because I may have, ahem, made things sound better than they are in previous appointments.

biminiblue, I am in Europe (Belgium) so no official long weekend here. But I've just had a week off work and today as well and stupidly I didn't use it for this purpose, although I intended to. That's my problem. I'm not sure about tapering as a withdrawal method, not because I think there's anything wrong with it but because I know myself and I may just see it as a way of keeping the door open. You know?

I really want to try to at least reduce first, or at least have some days without alcohol.

Did you guys just push through the first day (evening for me - I never start before 6.30), putting up with urges and so on?

Obladi I read through your thread with much interest. I am exhausted ha ha. How on earth do you do it????? You have motivated me to clean my kitchen. This place is a mess.

Thanks again to you both

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Beebizzy. Lots of good advice here already, and i'd reinforce that the physical act of quitting ( ceasing to drink ) and the associated recovery are 2 very distinct and different things. It's already been mentioned that withdrawals can be severe sometimes - not always of course, but it needs to be accounted for. I drank every day for 20 plus years and was able to stop a few times with not too many bad side effects other than just feeling like crap for a few days. Then one time after I had gone back to drinking and quit ( on my own ) I had a whole host of somewhat alarming symptoms and wound up being taking to the ER as a result.

Tapering is sometimes prescribed in your part of the world, but it's usually quite difficult to do. Think about it - you've been drinking for 3 years every day and can't control it - how would you discipline yourself to reduce your consumption? If you could do that you probably wouldn't be here in the first place right?

If you have a BiPolar issue and see a therapist about it I'd definitely recommend either going back or finding a new therapist. The fact that your old one prescribed you valium is somewhat alarming as benzodiazipines function almost exactly like alcohol in your brain, and alcoholics are very prone to becoming addicted to them as well. Sometimes they are used very sparingly during withdrawals but only temporarily and under close supervision.

The "recovery" part of things is where the real work starts. Once you've detoxed safely, you need to really find a new way to live your life. Some folks do this through very structured programs like AA, SMART Recovery, Rational Recovery (AVRT) and others use things more self-paced like mindfullness, CBT, therapy , etc. The real crux of the issue is that if you just "stop drinking" but live your old life, it's probably not going to turn out too well.

Some even use SR as their main sobriety support/recovery vehicle. Even if you choose another method, SR can be a good place for additional support and conversation with others following the same method. You'll see all different ones in the Secular and 12 step forums, and in the general rooms as well.

Again, Welcome back and I hope we can help you on your journey to be sober.

Obladi

You mean the first day after tapering? I just tapered for one day and the next day I turned into that whirlwind of activity and did not drink. Little bit of tremors remained and I had some cravings, but I knew what they were and breathed through them. And kept moving! And this is how I do it: I have to keep my day full right now with things that are healing to me. My habitat is extremely important to me, as is my sobriety. Perfect fit.

One thing I forgot to say about that last day: I left one drink out of sight "just in case." And the "in case" was if I honestly could not stand the tremors. I did not touch it until the next day when I threw it out.

Honestly, after that one day taper, it was not that bad (it=urges, etc).

Sasha4

I was drinker and a smoker.
My advice would be do not tackle both at that same time.

Personally, I think trying to stop both at the same time is too hard and will lead to failure.

I stopped smoking around 8 years ago,
I stopped drinking nearly 6 years ago.

But thats me, others may not feel the same.

I wish you the best xx

Beebizzy

Hi ScottFromWI!

Thanks a lot for your great reply!

I should have said, there were many years before the 3 years in question...

Yeah no, the valium was on a strict regime for sure, certain small amounts at certain times only, with seeing the psy and only for 4 or 5 days. He refuses to give them to me otherwise for exactly the reason you say.

I'm really interested in what you say about changing your life in general. Makes perfect sense. It needs to be changed anyway really. I'm not too sure how to do it though. Sometimes I think I'm just lazy and procrastinate, you know?

Thanks a lot for all the resources!

Beebizzy

Yes Obladi, indeed, the first day after tapering. I see, so basically doing stuff and keeping really busy worked for you. Well there's certainly enough to do in my habitat...

Thanks

Beebizzy

Thanks Sasha4. Interesting that you stopped smoking first... I'm not sure I would drink if I couldn't smoke at the same time. It's all sort of part and parcel. But yeah it doesn't seem pretty daunting at the moment to tackle both...

ScottFromWI

I personally believe that it's an ongoing process that really never ends - and i'm still trying to figure out how to do it too ;-)

The first stage for me was changing some of the obvious things - like not hanging out at brewpubs anymore and not attending events that were solely focused on drinking alcohol. Even though I was mostly an at-home drinker ( or wherever I was ), I still did stop at a local watering hole almost daily and I associated with others who did the same. That was a habit I needed to end. I had to end relationships with some people who I considered to be friends because the sole purprose of our time together was drinking alcohol - we had no other common interests.

The second stage was to inventory/assess all the problems/issues in my life that I had been avoiding all those years by drinking. For example, I had underlying Anxiety issues which needed to be addressed separately and distinctly. I also had some responsibility issues with my family and job due to the time I was selfishly devoting to drinking. This stage is ongoing for me - at about 5 years sober I still work on it, and probably will the rest of my life. I use mindfulness and meditation, I still see a counselor occasionally, I spend a lot of time here on SR discussing things, and I read a lot too as my main "tools". And some of them are really "life" tools more than sobriety specific tools, but at the end of the day we want to focus on living a better life without alcohol, right?

Beebizzy

Most definitely :-) I really have let myself go (don't get me wrong, I'm very functional, professional at my job etc) in terms of how I take care of myself - clothes, food, activities, friends, exercise - it's all fallen by the wayside to a greater or lesser degree vs how I was 'before'. I always thought that's why I drank, but maybe it's the other way round...

Thank you

Obladi

Alright, so what's next Beebizzy?

RileyTalbot

Hi. I drank alcohol almost every day for 8 years. I stopped it only when my doctor told me about the threat of my life. I realized that if I do not stop then I can just die. This was the start.

Dee74

Lots of good advice here,
Welcome back!

D