Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Alcoholism Information > Alcoholism
Reload this Page >

Broke up with ABF. Now concerned he's off the wagon.



Notices

Broke up with ABF. Now concerned he's off the wagon.

Old 08-26-2017, 10:41 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 52
Broke up with ABF. Now concerned he's off the wagon.

Broke off contact with ABF. He had been doing well staying sober but my ex-husband cannot get past his prior horrible actions towards me and doesn't want him near my / our child. He did get a job but was injured on the job due to no fault of his own.

Now he is jobless, homeless, broke and alone.

If that's not enough to push a recovering alcoholic to drink I don't know what is.

My only thought is that if he doesn't have any money then he won't be able to drink I hope. He does have a tent.

You always see homeless people drinking though. So somehow someway they find a way to drink.


What help is there out there for someone who is homeless jobless, broke, alone, and has no transportation?

Even the bus costs money.

He lost his driver's license due to DUI.

He doesn't have contact with family, not that that would help. His dad does drugs and his brother does crack. He said his mother pops pills and drinks. So there isn't anyone sober truly in his family that's willing to help him. I think his grandparents are sober but they are not willing to take him in.

I'm worried that breaking up with him may have pushed him over the edge.

Is there any help???
Frustrated47 is offline  
Old 08-26-2017, 10:54 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
If he wants help, he will find it.
Forward12 is offline  
Old 08-26-2017, 10:59 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Forward12 View Post
If he wants help, he will find it.
I know he's tried in the past, but there is always a form to fill out and it seems every organization wants a phone number and address. He has neither.

He is truly homeless and broke living out of a tent.

The last place he tried when he had a couple dollars for a bus pass left over from his last check would not help him without an address and phone number to put down on the form. Also, there was a waiting list.

So what is someone like that to do?

He doesn't even have a way to eat. There is a soup kitchen downtown but there is no way for him to get there.

I'm just worried.

Just because I can't continue a relationship with him doesn't mean that I stop caring or am not concerned when he is completely in lack without food, transportation, or shelter other than a tent Outdoors.
Frustrated47 is offline  
Old 08-26-2017, 10:59 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
Hi and welcome to this part of the site Frustrated

sounds to me like you made a good decision based on prior incidents, your sons well being and ultimately your own well being.

going no contact has clear benefits for you and it may indeed help him too.

Leaving me to clean up my own mess was one of the things that eventually got me sober.

You ex has the same resources available to him as everyone else

If he does drink, it's REALLY not your fault - it just means he hasn't go a strategy to deal with life yet that doesn't include drinking yet.

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 08-26-2017, 11:10 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 52
That's just it though...

Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi and welcome to this part of the site Frustrated

sounds to me like you made a good decision based on prior incidents, your sons well being and ultimately your own well being.

going no contact has clear benefits for you and it may indeed help him too.

Leaving me to clean up my own mess was one of the things that eventually got me sober.

You ex has the same resources available to him as everyone else

If he does drink, it's REALLY not your fault - it just means he hasn't go a strategy to deal with life yet that doesn't include drinking yet.

D
That's just it though Dee.
We've seen the resources that are available.

He has no transportation to get to anywhere.

When he was able to get a bus pass with a couple dollars and went down to a place whose purpose is supposedly to get people in contact with these needed resources it was a no-go.

Every organization wants you to fill out a form.


Every organization wants payment of some form and insurance information.

He is truly without ANYTHING at this point.

What is someone to do when all they have is a tent?

Other people have an address to put down on a form.

Other people have a phone number or an emergency contact to put down on a form.

He literally has NOTHING at this point.

He is literally living out of a tent and has no way to eat, shower, or get to any of the so-called resources that are supposedly available.

He also has no support system.

He has no phone.

How is someone in that situation supposed to get help?

I'm really scared for him.
Frustrated47 is offline  
Old 08-26-2017, 11:15 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 52
He's not the type of person who does well on his own alone. He always seems to feel like he needs someone there.

I think we all feel like we need at least one person in our lives. At this point he doesn't have anyone.

He gets emotional when things get bad which is probably true of most of us, but I fear he may do something to harm himself.

You can't hit any lower of a rock bottom than being broke, homeless, alone, jobless, hungry, and with no transportation as well as no support system.
Frustrated47 is offline  
Old 08-26-2017, 11:21 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
I assume you're stateside - I'm not in the States so I have no local knowledge to help. Others might.

I know you have feelings for this guy. I know you're scared and you feel like you're his only hope..

I wonder how true that, and all the stuff about forms etc is tho - did he tell you this?

If he wants to stop living in a tent and existing on no money he really will find a way.

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 08-26-2017, 11:40 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I assume you're stateside - I'm not in the States so I have no local knowledge to help. Others might.

I know you have feelings for this guy. I know you're scared and you feel like you're his only hope..

I wonder how true that, and all the stuff about forms etc is tho - did he tell you this?

If he wants to stop living in a tent and existing on no money he really will find a way.

D
Yes, we're in MI. (Brr )

I've actually gone to a few places with him since he didn't have transportation. I have driven him a few times to places.

That's honestly the way it is. You go in and inform the intake person of your
Situation and they hand you a form to fill out.

If you can't put down the information they are looking for (i.e. address, phone number ,insurance information, Etc)
You are then told they cannot help you.

The couple rehabs in the area are full and have waiting lists.

Some people will actually commit a crime when the weather starts getting cold up here in order to be arrested so at least in jail they have shelter and some form of something near food.
Frustrated47 is offline  
Old 08-27-2017, 12:20 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
salvation army. their rehabs take people all the time. no insurance needed. no money needed.
tomsteve is offline  
Old 08-27-2017, 12:58 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
salvation army. their rehabs take people all the time. no insurance needed. no money needed.
I'll look into that.

Thank you.
Frustrated47 is offline  
Old 08-27-2017, 01:00 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
 
Gottalife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
The only thing that will make him drink is untreated alcoholism. Strangely enough the circumstances in which he now finds himself were the same for me, and that resulted in me sincerely taking action to treat my alcoholism. My recovery started by talking with a recovered alcoholic from AA one Sunday afternoon. He didn't charge me anything. Within three weeks I had taken my last drink.

Sometimes it takes serious consequences to prompt us to take action. Folks like me don't seem to be able to honestly see the problem until everything has gone down the toilet,
Gottalife is offline  
Old 08-27-2017, 08:22 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Gottalife View Post
The only thing that will make him drink is untreated alcoholism. Strangely enough the circumstances in which he now finds himself were the same for me, and that resulted in me sincerely taking action to treat my alcoholism. My recovery started by talking with a recovered alcoholic from AA one Sunday afternoon. He didn't charge me anything. Within three weeks I had taken my last drink.

Sometimes it takes serious consequences to prompt us to take action. Folks like me don't seem to be able to honestly see the problem until everything has gone down the toilet,
I'm so glad you are better now. That's a horrible place to be.

How did you do it all?

How did you eat, live without heat or indoor plumbing, function without money, transportation, or a phone, much less another person in your corner?

He is more than just the horrible things he's done in the past. He's more than just an alcoholic.

When he's sober he can be the most wonderful person. He would bring me flowers for no reason. He would cook, clean, fix things, and would dote on me all the time.

I feel like I didn't really have a choice but to end it yet feel like I have lost so much that will never be replaced.
Frustrated47 is offline  
Old 08-27-2017, 10:17 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
Maybe this can help. As it is for homeless people (and other assistance) I cannot imagine they'd ask for an address. They give a toll free number which he should be able to call from a pay phone free of charge.


Michigan 211

This is a resource database for assistance service agencies all throughout Michigan powered by United Way. Whether you are looking for help with housing & homelessness, food, tax assistance, utilities, veteran & military affairs, transportation, and more, you can navigate MI 211 to search for direct contact information for services in your area, based on county.

Click here to access the database online or dial 2-1-1 to reach it by phone (if dialing this number does not work for you, try the direct line at 1-844-875-9211).
Homeless Resources
53500 is offline  
Old 08-27-2017, 12:29 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
SoberCAH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
This happened with an ex of mine.

It is very sad.

I haven't seen her in quite a few years.

I hope that she has gotten clean and sober, but I have no idea whether that is the case.

It certainly wasn't the few years following our divorce in which I actually spoke with her a few times.

You need to protect yourself and do whatever it takes to do so.

Your ex may get sober yet - time will tell.

Glad you're here.
SoberCAH is offline  
Old 08-27-2017, 07:02 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
 
Gottalife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Frustrated47 View Post
I'm so glad you are better now. That's a horrible place to be.

How did you do it all?

How did you eat, live without heat or indoor plumbing, function without money, transportation, or a phone, much less another person in your corner?

He is more than just the horrible things he's done in the past. He's more than just an alcoholic.

When he's sober he can be the most wonderful person. He would bring me flowers for no reason. He would cook, clean, fix things, and would dote on me all the time.

I feel like I didn't really have a choice but to end it yet feel like I have lost so much that will never be replaced.
There were people around who thought I was ok sober too. In the end, the fact that employers fired me, and friends and family disowned me, those were the things that prompted me to get help.

Last night I was thinking about my 22nd birthday. I was in a town where I had lots of extended family, and I liked them. I was staying in a rather seedy bedsit, but decided to invite them all over for my birthday. I was in my bloody mary stage, a way of drinking and getting vitamins at the same time.

Anyway, start time arrived but no one else did. I rang a few and got some excuses, and we might get there later sort of thing. In the end, not a single person turned up. I was totally miserable about that. Did it harm me? Absolutely not. It was another factor in me getting help.

After that I began living in the parks. There were some semi derelict office buildings in the city that were unsecured. I slept in train carriages. When it was cold, I wrapped up on old newspapers. I didn't eat much. Eating interferes with drinking, and I had very little money anyway. There were no cell phones or internet. I had lost my driving licence and in anycase had drunk away my car. I pawned my electric guitar for a fraction of its value, and sold a radio that I hadnt even paid for. I had one friend that took me in for a short time, but he had to kick me out when I mearly got him evicted. That was the final straw.

I was then ready to do what had to be done to get well. Just like your man, I wasn't a bad person, I was a sick person. When I was willing enough, I was able to find a solution.

Those family folk I mentioned, They are still amazing people. My cousin just spent 6 weeks with me touring Thailand, and thanked me for an amazing time. The solution I found has enabled me to recover all of those things, and have an amazing life.

I sometimes think to myself, what would i do if I lost everything again. Would I drink? I doubt it, because those were the exact conditions in which I was able to recover. Often the best recoveries come from what seems to be the most hopeless situations.
Gottalife is offline  
Old 08-27-2017, 07:41 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 52
Wow

You went from living in a boxcar to traveling Thailand.
That is such an encouragement since all I've ever experienced is someone passing from such a situation.

Wow. Honestly, that does make me feel better.

Apparently my father passed from alcohol related health issues. Never got to meet the man but family on his side that I met via Facebook for the first time said that he was an alcoholic and had passed from alcoholism. My first grandfather passed from alcohol-related health issues. My ex step dad was a raging alcoholic. My first grandfather who passed away had a best friend who also passed away from alcohol related issues.
Grandfather and his best friend were both in a homeless situation.

So personally I've never witnessed anyone bouncing back from that situation like you had which prompted such worry from me.

I'm so glad you are sober and doing so well. Thank you for telling your story.
Frustrated47 is offline  
Old 08-27-2017, 07:43 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 52
I remember hearing about two one one paying someone's bill before electricity got shut off Etc. I'll look into that as well. If he ends up somehow getting in contact with me I will definitely tell him to ask a stranger to use their phone to call 2-1-1 or call for him and tell him where to go. Thank you!
Frustrated47 is offline  
Old 08-27-2017, 07:45 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 52
Thank you

Thank you everyone that has replied. As most of you know it's a horrible feeling to feel so helpless to help someone and worry when they are out in the elements with nothing.

I really appreciate the input since I have no one else to talk to.
Frustrated47 is offline  
Old 08-28-2017, 04:24 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
~sb
 
sugarbear1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,951
I'm gathering that you are the family of an alcoholic.....maybe find a local Al-Anon Meeting and go. If you work those steps you can start to heal and maybe you won't repeat the relationship pattern (co-dependency).

If he wants help, the Salvation Army, as suggested, can help! AA is free. There are other methods available, too!

Breathe slowly, things will be okay! ((hug))
sugarbear1 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:25 AM.