Pathwaytofree

I was at a restaurant with a friend recently, and we sat at the bar. She ordered a mixed drink. I ordered a sparkling water with lemon. The bartender asked me, "Do you want that in a wine glass?"

I politely said no thank you, but honestly I'm extremely curious why would she ask that? Why would I want water in a wine glass? There are many reasons I could think of why I definitely would not want to be served a drink in a wine glass....

nez

She was trying to satisfy the needs of a guest.

She naturally wouldn't have any insight as what they would be, so she was asking for input to allow her to better perform her job and meet your needs.

August252015

Probably because that is a habitual question, or to make it look like a "Drink." Perhaps she is an alcoholic or familiar with it (more likely, given she works in a bar)....could be any reason. Happened to me the other night at a party where wine was being passed around- and I think that it was most likely because the wine glasses were handiest.

Most important part is that it was water and I also hope you enjoyed your time with your friend!

Pathwaytofree

I would think if someone ordered water, they'd expect it in a water glass unless a special request was made.

I have to admit I am a little taken back by reading this sort of response on an Alcoholism thread, and I do confidently feel I have reason to be.

biminiblue

I would say, "No, a regular glass please." Leave it at that. It isn't a big deal.

I was a server for years. Some women order juice or lemonade in wine glasses. It's not an uncommon request.

Pathwaytofree

Thank you, August. I was curious if that was the case. But why would someone want their drink to look like a drink? To me that'd be messing with my mind in a major way.

I was wondering about that, too. It's bothering me but I made sure to still be kind and pleasant to her, since she had no way of knowing what I was thinking and I didn't expect her to.

How did that make you feel?

Yes good points!!! And I did, thank you! :-)

Pathwaytofree

Thanks. I wasn't aware that that's a common request. I know it's not a big deal on the surface, but for someone who is in recovery, it is. It would've been a complete mind f*ck for me. I'd be waiting for the buzz to take effect.

biminiblue

I think people like to feel fancy at a restaurant. I dunno.

I hear ya. I threw away all my drinking glasses except one. I just liked it too much. Now it's a water glass.

There's a lot of stuff to navigate in early sobriety. I got calmer about everything as time went on.

August252015

It didn't bother me at all. We don't have any wine glasses at home, because we don't need them - we don't keep alcohol in the house (my fiance is in recovery too) so it's just normal not to have any and no one would expect us to if they came over- and when I'm out, I simply notice things but not much surrounding drinks and all bothers me. I actually pay MOST attn in a restaurant to the food because SO much contains alcohol; it truly does not "cook off" and such like people think. Another topic, though. And one I have learned to deal with because, like you say about glasses, Path, the first time I encountered alcohol in food unexpectedly it COMPLETELY freaked me out (I even left the six person dinner party!). Now I do my research on dishes ahead of time and have a specific way of handling ordering, etc.

Glad you enjoyed your friend. I try not to think too much about the motives of others anywhere- especially in a situation like this where someone is working on tips (I am in the restaurant world, hence my comments about knowledge of alcoholism since it is a HUGE industry problem- I actually lead a recovery group just for F&B folks) is doing what they think would make a guest comfortable- here, presumably giving you the "Same treatment" as the other guest.

nez

I meant no offense, my apologies. I am an alcoholic but I have worked in restaurants for over 40 years and was merely coming from the perspective of the service person.

tomsteve

its a servers/bartenders responsibility to make the experience more enjoyable to the patrons. they arent mind readers,though. they have to ask questions.we dont have signs on us that say,"im an alcoholic-please dont ask about which glass i want my drink in"
or
" im allergic to __________. please dont suggest__________ as im allergic to it."

remember-you were sitting at a bar

Mountainmanbob

I agree and what if my wife (real normie) was having some white wine with her dinner? Chance of a mix up with the glasses?

As said above -- no big deal -- no thank you a water glass will be fine.

M-Bob

nez

In my experience, in all honesty, I would be very surprised if they have water glasses stocked at the bar.

biminiblue

Yeah, most bars use beer pints for water. Or highball glasses.

Or! Wine glass for the pretty lady.

nez

If I were the bartender, my automatic response would have been to grab a Tom Collins glass, complete the order, then on to the next order without a pause or thought.

FindingMyNext

I can't help but smile at the (personal) irony of this thread. Putting the shoe on the other foot: when I was just starting out as a drinker, I was a teacher of young kids, and would often go to a local restaurant with colleagues after work. Super-aware of how I might be judged if I were to be seen, drinking, by a child or a child's parents, I'd order gin and tonics and ask the server to bring it in a regular soda pop glass. So it looked like Sprite... with plenty of refills.
The servers were always kind, discreet, and compliant.

Recently, having stopped drinking but not yet ready to talk about it to a group of people who don't know me well, and in a setting where drinking was expected, I asked the server for a diet cola in a low highball glass. She did it, no questions asked.

I've found servers to be the least judgmental, happy-to-please people... who don't care what we drink or what we drink it from. Likely yours was just trying to help.

scintillady

I always drink whatever I'm having out of a wine glass. I have so many favorite ones I have collected over the years and I like to use them. Once in awhile my boyfriend will say "That's not wine, is it?" If I was out to eat I wouldn't care what they put my drink in. I just like to use my glasses I have at home.

SoberCAH

Path -

I frequently eat at restaurants sitting at the bar.

I never lose sight of the fact that other people are at it for a different type of business, because my drug of choice is pretty much everywhere - certainly at bars.

The culture associated at sitting at a bar (i.e. sports talk and other banal topics of discussion) frequently involves alcohol, so I am kind of on red alert.

I drink either iced tea or club soda and a lime, both in iced tea or water glasses, which frequently serve as draft beer glasses as well.

Whenever I actually sit at a table (as opposed to the bar), I always hand the wine list/menu back to the hostess/maître de and tell them I don't drink.

This isn't intended to necessarily answer your question, but to talk generally about sitting at bars, particularly since I spent so many years sitting at them for a different purpose.

Pathwaytofree

Thanks for all the replies, everyone. I know she meant well and I am grateful that I didn't get defensive toward her. I didn't find her to be judgemental or anything. I know it was just my own reaction to the situation. More work on my recovery is needed.... Maybe the truth of the matter is that I am still embarrassed to say "I don't drink anymore". I made up a stupid excuse why I wasn't drinking. That was not being authentic. If I was further along in my recovery/spiritual growth I don't think the type of glass I was served water in would matter in the least...

I think I'm reaching another level of my recovery or something. Maybe there's just some deeper self awareness going on and it doesn't feel good in the moment. I have to remind myself that there's no growth without some discomfort.

Pathwaytofree

I'm sorry. I should've assumed that. It helped to hear what she was probably thinking. She was very nice and didn't even charge me for the sparkling water. Perhaps she saw thru my little "act" with my friend and the drink menu...