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It Is, Quite Literally, Always A New Day

Old 08-24-2017, 05:48 AM
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Obaldi,

So good to hear you.

It is always such a pleasure, and especially wonderful to see you rocking your world.

So happy for you.
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Old 08-24-2017, 07:53 AM
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Missed evening check-in last night because I was spending time with my daughter and then fell asleep. Good reason, but not an excuse because I committed to twice daily. I don't think that's ok, so in the future I think I'll be sure to "call out" in advance if I think or know I won't post. Onward.

Physically: Really good. Amazing as I was dragging furniture up and down stairs yesterday. Hungry. Have to get in the habit of eating in the morning.
Mentally: The neurons are on fire. I am seriously considering getting a voice recorder so I can capture my thoughts before they fly away like they do if I don't write them down immediately.
Spiritually: Just Wow.

So glad to hear from you, Carpathia, fini and Rose.
According to SoberTime, I've now got 9.04 days, so I'll be crossing over to double digits tomorrow morning!

Gonna post this before I lose it, but I may well be back in a bit.
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Old 08-24-2017, 11:03 AM
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Meditation for the day:
Live Expectantly
Believe Deeply

Went to a meeting at 0630 today, oh my. So glad I did. It was a really good group and the topic was spiritual awakening. People spoke of the many and various ways that this came to them and how they interpret it. For most people, it seemed to be a very quiet thing that was simply finding a peace or sense of serenity by living with integrity. One person said she had literally experienced a moment at her first AA meeting. I can't imagine! What I took away is that everyone is individual and unique, so it makes sense that how people come to and then experience spirituality or peace or oneness or whatever is based on that individuality. Awesomeness.

I am very forgetful and a bit giddy right now, so am worried about repeating myself. Please give me a break if I do. (Meds have been adjusted.) I'm pretty sure I didn't yet report that I found out yesterday that I will be out on medical leave for at least 3 more weeks. By the time I'm done with this adventure, it will be fall and my house will be the Taj Majal.
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Old 08-24-2017, 12:10 PM
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Oblidah!
Glad to 'see' you
Sure hope you mean it will look like the Taj , I love Donald but leave it to him to name his casino after a mausoleum, lol
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Old 08-24-2017, 08:50 PM
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Good to see you too, dwtbd; thanks for the welcome back.

I am quite exhausted tonight. IOP was good overall, but at this moment I can't remember anything aside from a raucous woman who was in the last hour session. Maybe I'll remember in the morning.

Physically: Exhausted
Mentally: Exhausted
Spiritually: Got the warm fuzzies
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Old 08-25-2017, 06:57 AM
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Good morning!

I have to file a claim for my car which took on a tire in the middle of the lane on the highway. Car won, but took considerable damage to the front bumper. Oh how I hate dealing with insurance stuff! *sigh* No one was hurt, I was sober, and I can afford the deductible. What's a little inconvenience when a person is out on a nice long medical leave?

Speaking of that, a friend helped me to see that this leave is akin to a leave for any other injury. When a person has surgery on their hip, they have to stay home for a good long time to allow their body to mend. Doesn't it make sense that the same would need to happen for me with my broken brain? Loved the analogy.

IOP last night:
* My check-in included a "jokey" reference to my fear of being overbearing or abrasive. Several people interjected with their perceptions that I am helpful, confident and not at all abrasive. That was nice of them.
* One of the women asked if anyone was worried about who they might be sober. Good discussion followed. I amazed myself by talking about being excited at the prospect of what I might discover. That's totally new for me; first time I've ever really felt that way.
* There's a guy that is very much into the program, both IOP and AA. He says amazing things, some of which are right in line with Rational Recovery concepts. I loaned him "The New Cure" book; can't wait to hear his thoughts.

Okey, so I need to get on filing that claim, then think I'm going to start attacking the kitchen. It will involve disassembling and reassembling the table as I want to swap it with another and it's too big to fit through the door. That might well take a few hours. But hey, I've got time.

Time is a gift, O
Time is a gift
Omm
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Old 08-25-2017, 07:15 PM
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"* My check-in included a "jokey" reference to my fear of being overbearing or abrasive. Several people interjected with their perceptions that I am helpful, confident and not at all abrasive. That was nice of them. "

oh ja?
what if it wasn't nice at all and they were actually telling you how they really experience your presence??


couple of days agoi went to a little artsy place i've been in many times over the last dozen years and that i had found only because one of my daughters, B, had a shop pretty much next door and knew everyone.
the framer i was looking for was not there but her co- worker gave me the framer's email address and i emailed her and introduced myself as B's mom, M, as that is how everyone there has always known me, B's mom.

in her reply she expressed her surprise.....she had never known i am B's mom!

all these years, more than a decade, i had assumed she joked and laughed and liked me mainly or only because of my daughter.
turns out....she had no idea.

you get my point.
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Old 08-25-2017, 08:29 PM
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Ah fini, I can always count on you to peel back the layer on the onion. What I meant to say was "It was nice of them to say so because I'm glad they took the trouble to say they perceive me that way." But underneath that "jokey" exterior lies the person who whispers, "but that's just a few people and they don't really know me anyhow." Building confidence is definitely in my plan, but I haven't figured out a way to actually do that. At the moment, I'm hoping that as the depression lifts and the anxiety abates through the concrete things I'm doing, the rest will follow.

Filed the claim today - car goes to the shop Tuesday am and they will have a rental waiting there for me. Now, that wasn't so difficult, was it? I did disassemble the table and managed to get the top dragged up to the landing. It's mighty heavy, so I promised myself I would not touch it again until tomorrow. I am stronger than I think I am.

Did the intake and treatment plan thang with my IOP counselor today. New goal in addition to continuing to use the tools I've put in place is to eat healthy and exercise. As it is now written down, I must proceed. We had a good discussion in group about prioritizing ourselves and our recovery/discovery at the top of the heap lest the rest slip away. I can see pieces of my former self in the first-timers and just hope they can learn from we multiple-timers and skip the agony.

Alright, the kitchen is in a disarray and that mondo table top is perching annoyingly on the landing, but I'm going to take myself off to bed without letting it bother me.

Physically: I feel well. Tired and a wee bit achy in the back.
Mentally: Clear
Spiritually: Growing
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Old 08-26-2017, 02:34 AM
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* One of the women asked if anyone was worried about who they might be sober. Good discussion followed. I amazed myself by talking about being excited at the prospect of what I might discover. That's totally new for me; first time I've ever really felt that way.

This is huge! I remember feeling this way when I quit this last and final time. I had been using one substance or another since I was teenager so I didn't know who I really was without them. It turned my whole perspective around when I decided to be excited about discovering that instead of fearful of how I would be able to live without numbing myself or checking out of reality. It was a pivotal moment. It's choosing to learn through wisdom instead of fear. I used to have a lot of irrational fear and it kept me drinking and stuck. That voice in my head telling me that I wasn't enough, that I needed something outside of myself to be ok. That I wouldn't be able to handle life without some crutch. Those were all lies that my AV told me.

I'm glad you had that insight. Be excited! Now you get to find out who your authentic self is.
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Old 08-26-2017, 05:56 AM
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Thanks, Zen. Now that I'm on the right path, I find that everything is coming together - a confluence of grace! I love that you mentioned living through wisdom as this is something with which I've been recently struggling. My friend sent me a TED talk that included advice to pass wisdom along lest your bad times mean nothing. In other words, convert suffering to caring. I'm not using the correct words to convey what I mean, but I hope you understand.

In any event, I pondered that concept and asked her "How do I pass on my wisdom without seeming pompous?" She laughed, but I was quite serious; it's a phobia of mine, you know. Subsequently I had this series of thoughts that led me to understanding that "do" is the operative word in wisdom. Living through wisdom includes me and not just the rest of the world. I like it.

Physically: Headache as per usual in the AM
Mentally: A bit skittish, maybe?
Spiritually: Paying attention

I'm off to get ready to go to my very favorite meeting. I've got 35 minutes and it's only 5 minutes away but due to my scattered ways I need to start now!
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Old 08-26-2017, 05:57 AM
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Oh, I did my mini-meditation for today before I read Zen's comments and it was, "Live in harmony, do good."

Go figure.
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Old 08-26-2017, 10:17 AM
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Every day I hear people mowing and I feel a pang of obligation because I haven't done it yet. I mentioned this to my eldest the other day and she said in the voice of The Procrastinator, "I'll get to it - Eventuallyyyy!" Now when I think about the lawn, I just laugh. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn5-cWsWcnY

My favorite meeting this morning was very moving. The chair shared something extremely difficult that's going on in his life, and it struck a chord. The room had an atmosphere of unconditional love and empathy. So very glad to be back here and in the rooms.

Came home and muscled that tabletop up the second flight of stairs and literally let out a wrestle-mania roar of triumph.

Been reading around here which is lovely, but need to get back to being productive.

Later, y'all
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Old 08-26-2017, 10:48 AM
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Ah, yes, the procrastinator. Loved the video.

I dont really see much procrastination happening here, Obladi. I think you have prioritized the inside. That seems fitting doesnt it? As you get the insides of yourself aligned, you are getting the inside of your sanctuary aligned too.

Its so good to see what you are doing and I know that it will inspire many. I am inspired.

Onward and Upward, Obladi!

PS. We bought a bag of stuff to put on our front lawn about a month ago. It still sits in the carport and I am pretty sure its going to sit there for another few months. ........... Im not too keen on it. When we bought the house, the yard was filled with dandelions. I bought "grandpas dandelion tool" which takes each Dandelion out of the yard by pulling out the roots. A safer option than chemicals. Needless to say, after weeks of only making the smallest of a dent, I broke down and bought "Weed and Feed" ........
Ive been procrastinating putting it out there. I have come to the conclusion that lawns may be a waste of space and I am starting to think "Bigger picture" with our little plot.
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Old 08-26-2017, 12:52 PM
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You're exactly right Mizz #1 - I am prioritizing the inside for exactly the reason you stated. It may well be procrastination, but it's intentional because I haven't "owned" the inside in so many years and I've longed to get it back.
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Old 08-26-2017, 08:20 PM
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This afternoon into night...
I got that monster table upright in my new office. Another wrestle-mania roar! Moved my computer up to the office and hooked everything up. Cleaned the inside of the refrigerator and it looks awesome. I opened the door a few times just to look at how nice it is. Moved a table from upstairs to the kitchen, then washed the floor. Lord knows how long it's been since that happened.

While I was still in motion, I was surprised to not be sleepy. But it hit me pretty quick once I stopped!

Physically: A very good exhaustion
Mentally: More settled
Spiritually: Getting cozy with HP
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Old 08-27-2017, 06:05 AM
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Good morning. Not too much thinking going on right yet, which is sort of a relief. There's this church I can't adequately describe that is held on Sunday mornings in a school that I think I may go to today. The church is meditation based and focuses on the universal through the teachings of many faiths. I love being in the presence of the Swami because she just radiates so much joy and peace that it's contagious.

Physically: Shoulder is a bit sore from all of that toting and dragging; otherwise I am well
Mentally: Focused
Spiritually: Open
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Old 08-27-2017, 07:11 PM
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Went to church and it was awesome. The Swami spoke about "singing a new song." We have scripts that we run over repeatedly in our heads that are doing us no good and oftentimes cause harm. She earnestly invited us to create a new song out of the goodness of the universe, the Aum (Om). Like EST with compassion. (Who gets that reference?)

So of course this is cool to me since I've been doing all of this work from the inside out. And I frankly never thought of "sing a new song" in reference to me and my being. It was just one of those church songs that really filled me with joy when I was young.

https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Da...ing-a-New-Song

Came home and cleaned out the front closet - hooray! I've got one more piece of furniture (aside from the treadmill), then I'm done with heavy lifting and on to cupboards and deep cleaning of everywhere. Scored 3 nice area rugs and two professionally framed prints at Goodwill this afternoon along with a lamp and various other sundries. Looking forward to putting them in place. I am beyond finally liking my home now - I'm starting to love it.

Meeting tonight was about the 4th step. I kept my gaze to the floor because I have no experience. Although I do feel I'm preparing in any number of ways...

Off to bed with me now as my alarm is set for 0545!

Physically: Tired
Mentally: Strained
Spiritually: Aware
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Old 08-28-2017, 04:42 AM
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I snoozed that alarm twice and got out of bed at 0600 - too late to make the morning meeting. But there's another at 10am much closer to my house, so that's ok.

Morning mantra:
Help me, Lord
To sing a new song

I just tried to change the word "Lord" there because I don't want to come off as overly religious - I'm not. This spiritual world is new to me and quite different from the one I experienced when I was a child and young adult. I've been trying to come up with a better word to convey who/what I mean, but like many other people across the centuries have found, no word is big enough. My mom and sister both have masters in theology, so I think I'll bring this discussion to them. In the meantime, I'll use whichever of the plethora of words that fits.

I'm making time for fun today - going to see the movie, "Step" before IOP. It's funny that I hold a little bit of reluctance about this - it will cut into my house reclamation. It's as if I can't have any fun until everything is done. Which could take months. I don't know where that comes from.

In the meantime, will bring in my Goodwill booty and move that last big piece of furniture to its new location, which will of course lead me to more rearranging. It's all good.

Physically: Rested - the morning headache is almost gone
Mentally: All synapses operational (I think? How would I know if I were missing any? )
Spiritually: Inquisitive
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Old 08-28-2017, 09:46 AM
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Thanks Obladi you have given me some inspiration, I like the idea of checking in her as a diary entry daily.

Many thanks
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Old 08-28-2017, 10:28 AM
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It's my pleasure, Willdoit.
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