vulcan79

I am new here and have read a few posts. I use alcohol with anti-anxiety purposes and it has came to the point where I am dependent. Actually dependent on it for 5 years. My body craves it.

I am a college graduate with a bachelors degree in liberal arts and can't get a decent job. I have been working at group homes and been a busser ever since I graduated. I can't keep bathing people and changing diapers for the rest of my life because it is impossible to live on a 10 dollar an hour income. In fact alcohol is the only thing that has helped me work through these types of jobs. Having 2 shots an hour in secret gets me through. Without it I wouldn't be able to keep the jobs.

I drink not to get drunk but to ease my anxiety. I rarely drink to get drunk. And I don't want to take drugs for anxiety. My anxiety drug of choice has been alcohol and I want to stop it. That is a little introduction. I know that I have a tough path to walk. Any suggestions/help would be appreciated.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Vulcan

The problem I had with using alcohol for anxiety was it made the anxiety worse - I not only had the original anxiety - which drinking never solved but simply pushed to one side for a while - and the new anxiety of wanting a drink because I was dependent on it.

As for drinking to function - I made that work for a while, but then the wheels came off I became a very obvious and even more dependent drinker, unreliable etc and I lost jobs, not only once but several times.

I know its hard doing menial work especially with degrees but there no answers with alcohol - it just gets worse and the likelihood is you'll find yourself having to do ever lesser paying jobs as the addiction gets worse.

I'm glad you found us - it's time to turn thing around, yeah?

D

falco7

Welcome Vulcan, I also used to use alcohol as a way of getting me through anxious situations at work. I didn't recognize it for what it was, alcoholism, for a very long time so that's good you're on here and admitting to it.

Have you considered going to an AA meeting and learning about how that could be of help? I tried AA ;and Smart Recovery) while also meeting with a therapist and it ended up working for me. 9 years later I still get anxious but now have the tools to deal with it without using booze or any anti-depressants etc. Good luck!

treeguy24

Depending how much you are currently drinking if you say you are drinking two shots an hour it might be crucial that you seek medical assistance or at least get a Doctor's opinion before trying to come off of it. Depending how physically dependent you really are.

In regards to using alcohol to control anxiety, I get that. Often what happens though is alcohol only makes anxiety worse in the long run because when you're not sober there's nothing masking that anxiety. Just taking the alcohol away and getting sober isn't enough though. You need to replace that alcohol with something positive otherwise you will be left with a void.

For me fitness and motorcycling are my "go to" activities right now that I do for myself. Exercise is a great way to control and alleviate anxiety, and what's more is it can help you in many areas in life without making you feel hungover and like crap.

It doesn't have to be fitness, it can be anything really. But you have to find something that you do for yourself that is powerful enough to replace what alcohol gave to you. Regardless of how crappy alcohol and drugs may make us feel, the addicted part of the brain only wants to remember the good feelings which is why we keep going back to it. Find something that is equally as powerful but will help you, not destroy you as alcohol will.

You can do this! Keep posting here, reach out for support.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR Vulcan. I could have written your exact post above when I first joined here on SR. In fact if you look back I probably did write the same words! There's multiple contradictions too - look at what was highlighted above. That's very common too with alcohol - because it is a drug too. In fact, some drugs that are used to treat anxiety ( Benzodiazipines ) are the equivalent of alcohol in a pill form - they do pretty much the same thing to your brain and have just as many addictive complications.

I also used alcohol as a failed attempt to manage my anxiety, and towards the end of my drinking it actually stopped working and started making my anxiety even worse.

The first part of the solution is to quit drinking, so I'm glad you have come here with that goal in mind. Immediately you need to consider withdrawals, and you may want to consult with your doctor or a counselor to make sure you can do so safely.

The second part is to develop a recovery plan - because if you are dependant on alcohol, just "not drinking" generally doesn't work. Most of us need some kind of formal plan to deal with our addiction and learn how to live our lives sober. It will involve some major changes in your life too - probably changes in who you hang around with, where you do it, etc. Here's a great link about recovery plans you might want to take a look at. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

The other step will be to deal with your anxiety. For most, you won't be able to do this until you get some sober time under your belt. Alcohol interferes with therapies and meds that are used to treat addiction. And it will take some time for your brain to adjust to being away from alcohol too - sometimes months. But the good news is that anxiety is a very treatable and livable condition. I am official diagnosed and have found it's quite managable and most days I dont' even think about it much anymore. Don't rule out meds 100% because there are several non-addictive options besides benzos that can help you get over the hump - but there are definitely non-drug therapies you can learn too. Seeing a counselor, especially one who also specializes in addiction can be very helpful in that respect.

vulcan79

Thank you for your responses. If I detox or go into rehab my whole world is going to fall apart. My family will hate me and maybe disown me (I have gotten very good at hiding my alcohol use). I won't be able to work and pay my bills. I still live with my parents because you can't live on your own making 10 dollars an hour, even with overtime pay. Last year I worked 70-90 hours a week and now only part time. My student loan debt is over 100,000 dollars. I will be a slave until the day I die. I used to pay double, sometimes triple payments on my student loans and then did the math. It wouldn't matter if I sextupled my payments because of the interest. It seems that I am pretty close to hitting rock bottom. Maybe that is what it is going to take.

I had an idea of calculating how much I drink each week for a month (The numbers are pretty much consistent but sometimes fluctuate). Writing those numbers down for a month and then start the weaning process. The weaning would make the anxiety a little easier so I don't have a panic attack and can still work. I have to make money. This may be a stupid idea? It seems that it may be possible but I don't know. I want to quit without anyone knowing that I had a problem. That is probably going to be impossible. It also is an indication of my ego. Not wanting others to know my true self is my ego right? It is like a defense mechanism. Anyway, I appreciate all of your responses.

ScottFromWI

What do you think will happen if you keep drinking? Just some food for thought.

waynetheking

Just stop drinking. You have a plan of weaning yourself off alcohol but honestly, that rarely works. Does it really matter what others think of You? It's your life. It's your problem. What are you going to do about it? Just quit drinking and get help. Go to AA meetings. That would be my suggestion for you.
Welcome to SR.