Making right with the past
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 7
can't fix the past
I can relate to your situation. I have many regrets. I am guilt ridden. I've hurt people and embarrassed myself. Apologies can help, but I can't forgive myself. I beat myself up. I have intrusive thoughts about people I hate. Maybe a confession with a priest would help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Hi jaybyrd,
I found going in and talking to my therapist to be very helpful, we are a social, tribal species. We need that connection. Addiction is so lonely, there's such a disconnect from ourselves and others. So yeah, I think talking to your priest is a great idea, I think he would be happy to help you.
Welcome to SR! Glad you found us.
I found going in and talking to my therapist to be very helpful, we are a social, tribal species. We need that connection. Addiction is so lonely, there's such a disconnect from ourselves and others. So yeah, I think talking to your priest is a great idea, I think he would be happy to help you.
Welcome to SR! Glad you found us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
You know what strikes me reading this?
Winning other people's trust back took time.
Winning my own trust back took time.
The answer was the same...not repeating the same old mistakes. Pulling myself up when I fell back into the person I used to be. Patience. ..giving it time.
Apologies can be powerful but mean little on their own. Genuine gestures to put things right are more meaningful. Actually changing...becoming what I should be and not what I shouldn't be...thats where trust lies.
P
Winning other people's trust back took time.
Winning my own trust back took time.
The answer was the same...not repeating the same old mistakes. Pulling myself up when I fell back into the person I used to be. Patience. ..giving it time.
Apologies can be powerful but mean little on their own. Genuine gestures to put things right are more meaningful. Actually changing...becoming what I should be and not what I shouldn't be...thats where trust lies.
P
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
My sponsor, who is a retired lawyer, reminded me (a lawyer also) early on that an amend is a change.
To amend a legal document is to change or revise it.
An amend in AA may include an apology, but changing the behavior which gave rise to the need for the amend is paramount to moving forward as a recovering alcoholic.
I have never had children (although I did have a few near misses as a young man), but my observation from the children of friends of mine in sobriety is that they come to respect their recovering parents when they see them change from chronic alcoholics to responsible adults.
I came to forgive myself when I discovered that this was the path I had chosen and followed.
Your children, Zen, may well follow that same path of forgiveness and respect.
I would be surprised if they didn't.
For me, self-forgiveness came through making amends in AA and through extensive prayer.
I never tried therapy, but I know that it can be quite helpful and it sounds like it may be opening some doors for you and your boys.
Thanks for sharing your feelings on this rather painful topic.
And be sure to keep us posted on your progress.
To amend a legal document is to change or revise it.
An amend in AA may include an apology, but changing the behavior which gave rise to the need for the amend is paramount to moving forward as a recovering alcoholic.
I have never had children (although I did have a few near misses as a young man), but my observation from the children of friends of mine in sobriety is that they come to respect their recovering parents when they see them change from chronic alcoholics to responsible adults.
I came to forgive myself when I discovered that this was the path I had chosen and followed.
Your children, Zen, may well follow that same path of forgiveness and respect.
I would be surprised if they didn't.
For me, self-forgiveness came through making amends in AA and through extensive prayer.
I never tried therapy, but I know that it can be quite helpful and it sounds like it may be opening some doors for you and your boys.
Thanks for sharing your feelings on this rather painful topic.
And be sure to keep us posted on your progress.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
That was a very nice thing to say SoberCAH. Thanks for that.
Things have been going well for my boys and I. I think just opening a dialog and being willing to admit my mistakes went a long way. I can see and feel the difference in my family since I've taken responsibility for my drinking problem and womaned up and quit. I really what you said about an amend meaning to change, that's so true!
I feel a lot better than I did when I started this thread. I needed to acknowledge what I had done so I could move forward. It is an on going process though.
Things have been going well for my boys and I. I think just opening a dialog and being willing to admit my mistakes went a long way. I can see and feel the difference in my family since I've taken responsibility for my drinking problem and womaned up and quit. I really what you said about an amend meaning to change, that's so true!
I feel a lot better than I did when I started this thread. I needed to acknowledge what I had done so I could move forward. It is an on going process though.
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