redcardid

I was at the stage where I had fond memories of booze, like it was someone I once loved that I would like to see again (15 months sober)

But I started again .... I hit 24 hours quit at 10:00pm (after a week of solid drunkenness) and now I'm in the pain stage. Wow - it's everything ... tongue, guts, muscles ... even my eyes want a drink.

My bed smells like a pub toilet - I'll sort it out tomorrow with clean sheets etc. - too tired to do it now

I'm posting to point out that the gentle abstract contemplation I had about drink at 15 months sober is now real pain with real symptoms. I wish I had vividly remembered the pain of quitting a week ago, before I started drinking again.

Anyway - time for bed.

ScottFromWI

Glad you made it back redcardid...and yes, it can sneak up on you if you don't keep wary - thanks for the reminder.

CreativeThinker

WOW...15 months is awesome! So sorry about your relapse. It sucks, I know...BTDT! See it as a blip and keep moving forward.

Gottalife

"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove."

Join the club I couldnt even use the humiliation of yesterday as a defence, let alone 15 months ago. I had to find a better defense than memory.

Jules714

Hi. Glad you got back. Who knows how many times I relapsed...but this time really trying to recreate the scene in my head of each increasingly worse withdrawl is helping me this time.
My anxiety is much better. I can eat. I'm not sweating and shaking. Nor wretching or vomitting bile. My face/belly aren't swollen.
My liver/ kidneys/ pancreas don't hurt much anymore (can't say this has entirely gone away) I don't hate myself when I wake up. I don't cringe at the thought of what I said or texts I may have sent. I have more cash! I'm feeling more like the strong, confident old me with each passing day.
My problems remain but I have a chance at making headway while sober. I don't want that misery back ever.
GL,
You *know you can do this! You already have.
Jules

doggonecarl

You'll forget. That's how alcoholism works. All you have to remember is you commitment to quit and never drink again. Ever. Then you won't have to rely on aversion.

PhoenixJ

waynetheking

Take it one day at a time. You didn't loose 15 months. You lost one week. Just stop drinking now. Welcome to SR.

DesertDawg

Redcardid,

Hold on to this feeling!
The way you are feeling right now (or at least how you felt when you wrote that post) and clinging to those memories has been one of the best tools I've had to stay sober. I went through really bad withdrawals when I quit, and one of the worst parts of being a "functional" alcoholic was Monday mornings after a Friday through Sunday night bender. Whenever having a drink starts to sound like not such a horrible idea, I think about a typical Monday morning during my drinking days, and it immediately disabuses of me any such notions.

Good luck to you!

redcardid

Thank you for the support and info

Almost 3 days - I'm better mentally and feel strength to stay sober starting to dominate my state of mind

I have quit before (for over a year) and started again, and it took over 7 years of grim morose drunkenness to build up the strength to quit again - so I'm sort of pleased with myself that it has only taken a week this time to do the right thing

I'm physically in bad shape. I ripped a ligament in my left wrist while drunk (horrible pain and now I'm pretty much a one-armed man) and damaged my legs.

I also bought loads of rubbish on-line that I cannot afford and do not want (luckily I can send it all back)

Having said that, my mood is peaceful and optimistic. That's what quitting does - it gives you a future