What IS the bright side?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I didn't automatically 'get happy' when I got sober. It took a while for me to find what happiness was. I started to feel happy when I started to practice gratitude. Gratitude is very nourishing to happiness. 
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
"However there ARE times where continuing (in the short-term) is a more suitable option, perhaps even the only option".
cue,
i get it. was stuck there or a while.
but it's simply not true.
always other options!
finding them, using them, is one of the very bright sides of sobriety.
cue,
i get it. was stuck there or a while.
but it's simply not true.
always other options!
finding them, using them, is one of the very bright sides of sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,597
Sobriety isn't a light switch turning on a perfect life. As I posted earlier, the real blessing is that by being sober, I can recognize and confront underlying problems that I avoided by being drunk. Drinking allowed me to defer maintenance on my physical and emotional self. That's why people hit rock bottom...they defer their problems until it just can't be avoided any more...just like deferring maintenance on your house until the roof falls in.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 82
Originally Posted by Outonthetiles 
That's why people hit rock bottom...they defer their problems until it just can't be avoided any more...just like deferring maintenance on your house until the roof falls in.
Then of course the whole house collapsed
I might be angry and bitter and sitting in a ruin - but I'm sober, angry, bitter and sitting in a ruin
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
cue, you still around?
i want to elaborate a bit on my last post, re there alwys being another option.
it's true.
but there were times, many, when i couldn't access them, and even though i knew they had to exist, they didn't exist for me as far as using them.
horrid place. crazymaking.
but you said you drink with choice, so, you see, you have the contradiction of saying sometimes it's the only option, but you drink by choice.
choice implies options.
i want to elaborate a bit on my last post, re there alwys being another option.
it's true.
but there were times, many, when i couldn't access them, and even though i knew they had to exist, they didn't exist for me as far as using them.
horrid place. crazymaking.
but you said you drink with choice, so, you see, you have the contradiction of saying sometimes it's the only option, but you drink by choice.
choice implies options.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
I personally think that getting sober gave me the ABILITY to make improvements in other parts of my life. While I was drinking there was no possible chance at all because I literally devoted my entire life to drinking alcohol. It damaged my physical health, my work, my family, pretty much everything in my life was made worse simply because I was drinking alcohol every day, pretty much all day.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 144
Originally Posted by cue
Hi. Please don't interpret this post to be discouraging or anything like that, it's not meant like that.
I have been, still am, genuinely thinking about this in depth. What is really the good, bright side of being sober? I do of course know that when you drink, it's bad for your health, you might act inappropriately, you might be a danger to others and yourself etc. However, I keep hearing and reading stuff like if you quit drinking your life will turn around, you will be happy. Will you?
My situation at the moment is that I can not drink because of health reasons. It has been about 5 weeks now. I don't feel even a tiny bit "happier". I've temporarily stopped drinking for long periods of time (several months) before this as well, for varying reasons. I'm 100% sure that if quitting truly would have made me happy, I would have stayed sober. But that never happened. To be honest, I personally don't think happiness is even connected to your drinking habits, I know plenty of happy drunks.
A couple of years ago a doctor was trying to push me into some kind of detox thing. I refused. I really, genuinely felt like it would not really solve any of my problems, I would be sober but I would still be my same old miserable self. I feel exactly that way now, I just don't have a choice. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that the 'Quit and you will be happy!' thing is a horrible way to market sobriety to people, because it is not true. It doesn't work like that. I do wish I felt something like "yeah, it's all going to work out now" but I don't. At all.
What do you think?
I have been, still am, genuinely thinking about this in depth. What is really the good, bright side of being sober? I do of course know that when you drink, it's bad for your health, you might act inappropriately, you might be a danger to others and yourself etc. However, I keep hearing and reading stuff like if you quit drinking your life will turn around, you will be happy. Will you?
My situation at the moment is that I can not drink because of health reasons. It has been about 5 weeks now. I don't feel even a tiny bit "happier". I've temporarily stopped drinking for long periods of time (several months) before this as well, for varying reasons. I'm 100% sure that if quitting truly would have made me happy, I would have stayed sober. But that never happened. To be honest, I personally don't think happiness is even connected to your drinking habits, I know plenty of happy drunks.
A couple of years ago a doctor was trying to push me into some kind of detox thing. I refused. I really, genuinely felt like it would not really solve any of my problems, I would be sober but I would still be my same old miserable self. I feel exactly that way now, I just don't have a choice. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that the 'Quit and you will be happy!' thing is a horrible way to market sobriety to people, because it is not true. It doesn't work like that. I do wish I felt something like "yeah, it's all going to work out now" but I don't. At all.
What do you think?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
Originally Posted by Another
It gives you self esteem perhaps of seeking another method to relax into this extremely special event called life.
The bottom line is avoiding booze at all costs because it no longer works...even if it ever really did.
That's been my experience
P
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Originally Posted by cue
Hi. Please don't interpret this post to be discouraging or anything like that, it's not meant like that.
I have been, still am, genuinely thinking about this in depth. What is really the good, bright side of being sober? I do of course know that when you drink, it's bad for your health, you might act inappropriately, you might be a danger to others and yourself etc. However, I keep hearing and reading stuff like if you quit drinking your life will turn around, you will be happy. Will you?
My situation at the moment is that I can not drink because of health reasons. It has been about 5 weeks now. I don't feel even a tiny bit "happier". I've temporarily stopped drinking for long periods of time (several months) before this as well, for varying reasons. I'm 100% sure that if quitting truly would have made me happy, I would have stayed sober. But that never happened. To be honest, I personally don't think happiness is even connected to your drinking habits, I know plenty of happy drunks.
A couple of years ago a doctor was trying to push me into some kind of detox thing. I refused. I really, genuinely felt like it would not really solve any of my problems, I would be sober but I would still be my same old miserable self. I feel exactly that way now, I just don't have a choice. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that the 'Quit and you will be happy!' thing is a horrible way to market sobriety to people, because it is not true. It doesn't work like that. I do wish I felt something like "yeah, it's all going to work out now" but I don't. At all.
What do you think?
I have been, still am, genuinely thinking about this in depth. What is really the good, bright side of being sober? I do of course know that when you drink, it's bad for your health, you might act inappropriately, you might be a danger to others and yourself etc. However, I keep hearing and reading stuff like if you quit drinking your life will turn around, you will be happy. Will you?
My situation at the moment is that I can not drink because of health reasons. It has been about 5 weeks now. I don't feel even a tiny bit "happier". I've temporarily stopped drinking for long periods of time (several months) before this as well, for varying reasons. I'm 100% sure that if quitting truly would have made me happy, I would have stayed sober. But that never happened. To be honest, I personally don't think happiness is even connected to your drinking habits, I know plenty of happy drunks.
A couple of years ago a doctor was trying to push me into some kind of detox thing. I refused. I really, genuinely felt like it would not really solve any of my problems, I would be sober but I would still be my same old miserable self. I feel exactly that way now, I just don't have a choice. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that the 'Quit and you will be happy!' thing is a horrible way to market sobriety to people, because it is not true. It doesn't work like that. I do wish I felt something like "yeah, it's all going to work out now" but I don't. At all.
What do you think?
I look at sobriety as a chance for endless possibilities, I can do or be whatever I want. With alcohol, all that is off the table, the spectrum of my life shrinks to nothing.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 185
Originally Posted by HTown
I am happier with myself. Not necessarily happier in everyday life because I am sober. I am prouder inside, my great weakness was alcohol. I was ashamed of my weakness. My inability to limit myself. The promises I broke to myself and people who loved me. The shame. The guilt. Those are gone, in their place is a little light, a quiet pride only I know about, and I only mention here. That alone makes me happy. Happier than I was drinking. I did it today, stayed sober. I thank God for that, and I bask a little in that self-glow.
It's my belief that life is too long and hard to make "happiness" a goal; the natural ebbs and flows of our lives disqualify happiness as a resting state. Pride in self, though? Doable. And worth the effort. So I will make THAT my goal.
Thank you, all, for such fantastic insight.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Dublin, Ireland.
Posts: 739
I think Cue has stopped posting, which is a shame.
I don't buy much of the marketing either.
But I don't think happiness has to come into it.
A significant development for children is when they achieve awareness of the grey areas in life. Or the in-betweens. Because, that is real life.
It's not good or bad, happy or sad, bright or dark.
It's just life.
It's a mix of both.
I think addicts have to re-learn this.
So these days, I just aim to be good enough. Ok is fine.
A lot of the time, nice things happen that make me really happy.
Other times, bad things happen.
But mostly, life just happens and I'll enjoy some part of the day and another part will be a chore.
I don't buy much of the marketing either.
But I don't think happiness has to come into it.
A significant development for children is when they achieve awareness of the grey areas in life. Or the in-betweens. Because, that is real life.
It's not good or bad, happy or sad, bright or dark.
It's just life.
It's a mix of both.
I think addicts have to re-learn this.
So these days, I just aim to be good enough. Ok is fine.
A lot of the time, nice things happen that make me really happy.
Other times, bad things happen.
But mostly, life just happens and I'll enjoy some part of the day and another part will be a chore.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by RecklessEric
I think Cue has stopped posting, which is a shame.
I don't buy much of the marketing either.
But I don't think happiness has to come into it.
A significant development for children is when they achieve awareness of the grey areas in life. Or the in-betweens. Because, that is real life.
It's not good or bad, happy or sad, bright or dark.
It's just life.
It's a mix of both.
I think addicts have to re-learn this.
So these days, I just aim to be good enough. Ok is fine.
A lot of the time, nice things happen that make me really happy.
Other times, bad things happen.
But mostly, life just happens and I'll enjoy some part of the day and another part will be a chore.
I don't buy much of the marketing either.
But I don't think happiness has to come into it.
A significant development for children is when they achieve awareness of the grey areas in life. Or the in-betweens. Because, that is real life.
It's not good or bad, happy or sad, bright or dark.
It's just life.
It's a mix of both.
I think addicts have to re-learn this.
So these days, I just aim to be good enough. Ok is fine.
A lot of the time, nice things happen that make me really happy.
Other times, bad things happen.
But mostly, life just happens and I'll enjoy some part of the day and another part will be a chore.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by RecklessEric
I think Cue has stopped posting, which is a shame.
I don't buy much of the marketing either.
But I don't think happiness has to come into it.
A significant development for children is when they achieve awareness of the grey areas in life. Or the in-betweens. Because, that is real life.
It's not good or bad, happy or sad, bright or dark.
It's just life.
It's a mix of both.
I think addicts have to re-learn this.
So these days, I just aim to be good enough. Ok is fine.
A lot of the time, nice things happen that make me really happy.
Other times, bad things happen.
But mostly, life just happens and I'll enjoy some part of the day and another part will be a chore.
I don't buy much of the marketing either.
But I don't think happiness has to come into it.
A significant development for children is when they achieve awareness of the grey areas in life. Or the in-betweens. Because, that is real life.
It's not good or bad, happy or sad, bright or dark.
It's just life.
It's a mix of both.
I think addicts have to re-learn this.
So these days, I just aim to be good enough. Ok is fine.
A lot of the time, nice things happen that make me really happy.
Other times, bad things happen.
But mostly, life just happens and I'll enjoy some part of the day and another part will be a chore.
Emotional sobriety is the ability to balance the ups and downs in life.
Sometimes when I go to AA meetings I get the feeling members are pretending. That putting on a happy face is required. Yes, meetings aren't group therapy and shouldn't be a dumping ground for whatever is bothering you. On the other hand it isn't healthy to mask your feelings either.
Like life AA meetings usually fall somewhere in the middle. A "gray area" if you will. The same with emotional sobriety.
For me no matter how hard I twist things or bitch I simply can't hide from the fact my life is much better today than when I walked into the rooms of AA for the first time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
Originally Posted by RecklessEric
that is real life.
It's not good or bad, happy or sad, bright or dark.
It's just life.
It's not good or bad, happy or sad, bright or dark.
It's just life.
Living in reality is a strange kind of blessing...it's exactly where I want to be today, but you never could of sold it to me when I first tried to get sober
For some reason I want to crowbar a Reckless Eric quote in there...the fantasy life...I'd go the whole wide world...go the whole wide world just to find it
And I pretty much did P
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 82
Originally Posted by paulokes
I'd go the whole wide world...go the whole wide world just to find it
P
P
This has been an interesting thread. I've also been wary of the 'hey, sobriety is completely awesome, everything is great' thing. Thankfully I haven't seen any of that here.
Sobriety isn't awesome because life isn't awesome. But it's way better dealing with it sober, that way you have a fighting chance. Drunk you have no hope.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
Originally Posted by cue
It's probably also safe to assume that a month or two (or even my longest, 6 months) is not long enough to notice or realize the more profound benefits. What's most interesting to me are the experiences of people who have been sober for much longer than I ever have, which would be on the order of years, not months. They are the ones who know what the REAL, long-term benefits are and some of that information has already been shared here. Thank you guys for that.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Niagara Region, ON, Canada
Posts: 89
Originally Posted by newhope01
I really needed to read this thread. Thank you to everyone who posted as it is giving me hope that my life doesn't have to be this miserable.
Hope you're doing OK newhope? Sending love and strength your way.
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