Back to square one...
 

A few months ago I took a bold move to quit drinking. Now I lie here again hungover thinking I could drink sensibly thinking I'd somehow mastered the art of having a few when in actual fact that's ******** as I will never be able to drink sensibly. I'm so disappointed in myself.... I'm waiting to see physiology to deal with past issues but up until now iv used alcohol as a coping mechanism but all it does is make my mental state worse. When will I learn....

"I will never be able to drink sensibly"
IMO sounds like you learnt something. Probably the single most important thing.
I'm sorry you're hungover, but you don't ever have to be again.
Feel better,
Jules

I always forget the lessons learnt and burn my fingers again. I'd been doing so well 😢.

Welcome back LPG, sorry to hear you drank again. As far as your question of when you will learn the lesson for for good, that's really up to you. Do you foollow any sort of plan or program to address your addiction? Most of need to do something on a regular basis besides just "not drinking". It will definitely help you address your other issues if you can stay sober too, you realize how much worse drinking makes them too, which is good. Spending more time here can even work as a tool in your sobriety toolbox, and you can learn about other more formal plans too.

Use this as a learning experience and move forward.

Chris R. - Relapse Prevention
 

This talk might help make sure it doesn't happen again... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdV2iUAoPQA

Glad to see you back.

What's your plan for the future use of alcohol?

im hoping to have no use of alcohol. its ruining my life and mind and relationships with people. I think advoiding situations where alcohol is the main part of a night out would be good. I cant keep going around in circles, im not strong enough to cope with the after math of a binge.

It sounds like quitting drinking for good would help all those things you listed.
Decide right now to quit, hoping you make the decision isn't making the decision. You Can, rootin for ya

i really want to, i dont know why i keep putting myself in this situation. I was doing so well. Guess i thought i could handle it on nights out but apparently not, the worst feeling waking up this morning to the hell of blackness.

My guess is that it's because you are an alcoholic - just like me and most of the rest of us. For me the solution was first acceptance of that fact - that I truly am an alcoholic and that drinking is not ever an option for me anymore, not even one sip. Once I was able to accept that, I was able to build a plan to address it. The following link is a great read if you haven't seen it before, it discusses many of the ways others have addressed their addiction.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

thank you for the link i will have a read through. I suppose ive never really called myself an alcoholic ive always just said i have a problem with alcohol. Im bad at admitting things i suffer badly with mental health issues and iv only recently admitted it aloud and i still dont tell people as im ashamed, same thing with alcohol.

The one thing I've come to grips with is even if I drink 100 times and 99 of them are fine...it's that one where I end up smoking, treating people like crap and increase my anxiety and OCD 10 fold for 2-3 weeks. I came to a realization, with the help of my therapist, that eventually (even with all the silly rules I'd make for myself BEFORE I was drunk) the other shoe will drop. After about 20 times I had to either accept those times of doing things that were totally opposite of who I am would continue to happen or stop drinking. I decided it was time to stop drinking. I also learned through this forum that labels don't mean anything. Alcoholic or not...a problem is a problem, and only you know deep down if it's a problem. If you are posting in here...maybe it's your time as well. Just a thought.

The labels aren't all that important really. You can absolutely recover without using the word "alcoholic" - but I personally feel that you must accept the concept/reality that drinking is not an option.

Im so desperate to overcome this. I want a fresh start for myself. Iv carried on this way since i was 14 im so over it. Spend half my life blackout and then worry that everyone hates me. its no life.

At my most desperate I went to AA and followed a few simple suggestions. Looking back I was fairly stupid just taking their word for things and not challenging everything. I just went along with it all to see what would happen, though I didn't really believe it would work for me.

I have not needed to take a drink in 37 years and have had a pretty cool life into the bargain. So it seems to have worked out ok. Maybe it would work out ok for you too. Why shouldn't it?

Moderation or "sensible drinking" is a huge dead end that invariably leads to failure and relapse.

Don't let that get you down. Look at the big picture. You were sober for months, this was one day. Stay sober for a few months again and your grand total will be one day drunk and hundreds of days sober.

Whatever your problem is, definitely look for another coping mechanism. Alcohol is the worst out of the ones I have tried.

This is great, that's exactly how I feel and I also have OCD/anxiety. Most of the time I can probably get a little drunk and be fine, but I just never know when I'm going to go too far and hurt someone or myself, get a dui, or like you said... mess with my mental health.

Is my drinking bad enough to quit? I don't know. But it's definitely not good enough to keep doing. I get nothing positive from it.

You drink how you drink. I drink too much too often but that's how I do it. I can have one or two or none at all but usually I drink how I drink. If you're like me you quit for 10 months then have one or two just to see. The experiment was a failure but yielded valuable results. I drink how I drink.