Loneliness my biggest hurdle
 

Hey gang,

I've been sober going on 49 days, and I find most of the time I feel no desire to drink, during the week when I work, go to meetings it keeps me focused. I travel for work which has me out of town except on weekends when I'n not required to cover emergency call, thankfully I'm a few hours from home so going home is easy and often.
The weekends I am stuck here the loneliness and missing my wife is overwhelming, even calling my sponsor and going to meetings.

Anyone else deal with this as a serious character defect/trigger to feel like drinking?

If so anything you do to redirect your thoughts?

I know meeting, or actually having to into work is helpful. I suppose exercise would be a great thing to add....just curious

My young wife died from a rare cancer just over 2 years ago. Yes, lonliness was tough. The weekends especially. I read, I excercised, I prayed, I went to movies, and I even started building scale models again. basically I did everything and anything to break my drinking patterns. it has gotten easier with every day sober. i have just over a year sober, and now I am pretty busy with all kinds of things. I am never hungover and I have tons of energy. I cleaned out my drawers and closets as well. organized and threw stuff out, donated things. it is a great feeling, good luck.

My friend, boredom, loneliness, missing your wife won't make you drink.
Only you can make you drink.

Read some books, would be my suggestion.
Something to reconnect with yourself, and I don't mean that in a spiritual way- that's not my thing. I just mean time alone with a book can be a powerful way to lose a few hours.

COUNSELLING? Make yourself do stuff. It cannot hurt.

I know what you feel. I quit drinking 2½ months ago, shortly after moving to start a new job in a small town in Norway (I lived in Denmark before) - apart from work collegues and my aa group i know nobody here, but as I was busy working i had noe big issues with loneliness - some weekends were tough, but i tried to cope going hiking or just sightseeing in the area - but 2 weeks ago i got serious back pain and had to get sick leave from work and the loneliness has really been tough to handle since then, and my motivation to do anything just seems to fade every day.
I do not really feel an urge to drink for the buzz of it or the feel of the alcohol, but i sure as hell miss going to the pub just for socializing and sitting around talking randomly with people as i often did as a drinker. One weekend i was so desperately lonely i went to a pub and drank soft drinks but it just didn't feel right, so i left after a while, worried that i might have taken a beer if I'd stayed any longer. I just cant think of any places to go in this small town, where you can just hang around and be social similar to how you sit at the pub, just without the drinks - going to the café, the beach or the park just makes me feel more alone and isolated seeing others hang around with friends, family and loved ones, so i tend to just do activities on my own, just driving around, going angling a bit or - unfortuenately - spend way too much time just sitting at home wasting my time doing nothing... the fact that my back hurts so much i cant walk or stand for longer times doesn't help me either

Your 49 days in, don't blow this. Develop a plan and attack it. You think your lonely now, start drinking again and see what happens. You have to take action. Don't sit around. At 49 days your in a critical stage of your sobriety. It's time to develop new habits. Yes go exercise. Get a hobby. Engage your mind in something. Come here everyday. Just don't drink. The boredom will pass. Trust me it will. Don't squander this 49 day opportunity. That would be tragic and potentially fatal. Hang in there buddy.

Forty nines days is awesome.

I don't doubt you miss your wife and are lonely. But drugs and alcohol aren't companions, so loneliness is a poor reason to drink.

You've been struggling with addiction for years. Don't lose the sober time you've acquired. You may never get it back.

Volunteering was a great way for me to fill long empty days...

D

I would have said that alcoholism was my biggest hurdle and loneliness mybiggest consequence.

Thanks everyone, excellent advice. 55 days today, I'm home but will take all the info you guys have given me!!! Onward and upward!!!!

Coming here to share my ESH of what
my life was and is like before, during
and after alcohol allows me to get out
of myself, away from self seeking motives,
centeredness and help others struggling
with addiction.

The best part of it is giving away that
knowledge that was taught to me over
the past 26 yrs sober.

Work my program by incorporating
all that ive learned over the yrs in my
everyday affairs. Finding balance in
all I do. Make future plans with my
husband to give us something exciting
to look forward too.

Keep the communication and understanding,
along with honesty open between the 2 of you
supporting each other in a loving caring way
as you strengthen your bond and recovery
foundation for yrs to come. :)

You are never alone if you have faith in
A God of your understanding. Your Higher
Power. For me He was and is always there
for me with unconditional love, care,
protection and understanding. :)

We are also here for you as well.

So are those in the meetings you attend
and your sponsor. Rely on us and them
for extra support. :)

I wouldn't call loneliness a character defect. The bigger challenges for me have been dealing with temporary aloneness, reaching out for help when I need it (even ringing someone to say..."Hi! I'm feeling lonely") and being part of / maintaining social networks.

I've got better at all of these with time.

Hope you're well today, thanks for posting these thoughts :)

P