Some thoughts
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: London
Posts: 67
When you mentioned your girlfriend in an earlier post, you suggested that she doesn't understand that moderation is not working for you. However, as you explained your drinking history you revealed that this included drinking in the morning, drinking at work and waking up with regular hangovers and vomiting. Given that this is your recent history with alcohol, are you honestly trying to say that your GF would rather you moderate than stop? Or are you projecting onto her some of your own reservations about stopping?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Cellardweller 
Also, does anyone have any experience with the emotional effects of quitting alcohol and how those impact relationships? I know a lot of people say "don't get involved with anyone until you have yourself figured out", but what if you're in a relationship already? I don't feel like I know myself completely sometimes and that my partner can't really know me if she's seen me drunk more than sober.
Any input? Hope everyone is well.
That restless, irritable and discontent you have been feeling. The bitterness and pain of things not working out as planned. The fear that things won't be on your own terms (believe me - often its ended up being a good thing that things havent worked out on my terms, because my terms were pretty shoddy and hadn't worked well for several decades to be honest.)
I think re current / existing relationships its the same advise. Don't make any uneccesary changes in the first year, because we're not always thinking as lucidly as we think we are. We're all over the place. Obviously, if the relationship was a shocker to start off with this might be different.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by Learninganew
When you mentioned your girlfriend in an earlier post, you suggested that she doesn't understand that moderation is not working for you. However, as you explained your drinking history you revealed that this included drinking in the morning, drinking at work and waking up with regular hangovers and vomiting. Given that this is your recent history with alcohol, are you honestly trying to say that your GF would rather you moderate than stop? Or are you projecting onto her some of your own reservations about stopping?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
My partner and freinds couldnt understand that really either. But here'sthe thing. THEY don't need to. There are lots of people here and at AA who DO understand.
Quite frankly my freinds and family were hostages to my nonsence for far to long and really don't have to be dragged into my recovery. That is MINE to deal with and take responsibility for.
Like my boss at work always tells us: 'Talk to the right people. The rest is just complaining.' And I found that true for me. If I found myself talking to someone who hasn't had experience of this problem the conversation tends to go like
complain complain
sympathy
complain complain complain
sympathy sympathy
complain complain complain complain
offered solution (generally pretty stupid solution to be fair)
reject solution - wahhh you dont understand me
Complain complain
offered solution
wahhh you don't understand me AT ALL - and WTF happened to all the sympathy
With alcoholics in recovery it tended to go
Complain complain
this is how iI dealt with....
this is how I dealt with....
And this is how I dealth with...
I love AA and this place because there are lots of suggestions as to how to deal with stuff, and no need to make loved ones feel inadequate or rejected when we don't take their non-advice, and no feelings of resentment towards said loved-ones from me when they don't understand what I'm going through.
And the even better thing is that we end up getting some new friends. What I call my recovery friends, or My Clan.
It's fine that our loved ones don't understand alcoholism. There is no reason why they should.
BB
Quite frankly my freinds and family were hostages to my nonsence for far to long and really don't have to be dragged into my recovery. That is MINE to deal with and take responsibility for.
Like my boss at work always tells us: 'Talk to the right people. The rest is just complaining.' And I found that true for me. If I found myself talking to someone who hasn't had experience of this problem the conversation tends to go like
complain complain
sympathy
complain complain complain
sympathy sympathy
complain complain complain complain
offered solution (generally pretty stupid solution to be fair)
reject solution - wahhh you dont understand me
Complain complain
offered solution
wahhh you don't understand me AT ALL - and WTF happened to all the sympathy
With alcoholics in recovery it tended to go
Complain complain
this is how iI dealt with....
this is how I dealt with....
And this is how I dealth with...
I love AA and this place because there are lots of suggestions as to how to deal with stuff, and no need to make loved ones feel inadequate or rejected when we don't take their non-advice, and no feelings of resentment towards said loved-ones from me when they don't understand what I'm going through.
And the even better thing is that we end up getting some new friends. What I call my recovery friends, or My Clan.
It's fine that our loved ones don't understand alcoholism. There is no reason why they should.
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 111
Hi all,
Thanks for the replies. Berrybean, that all rings true. I am fortunate to have friends and a SO that will lend an ear, but being able to interact with people who have been in my shoes is most helpful.
I was very excited to find the online voice meetings on SMART's website. Thanks for the post.
Thanks for the replies. Berrybean, that all rings true. I am fortunate to have friends and a SO that will lend an ear, but being able to interact with people who have been in my shoes is most helpful.
I was very excited to find the online voice meetings on SMART's website. Thanks for the post.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 111
Hi everyone,
Today was an alright day. Work went well, even though it was very busy. I've got one more busy day and then I get my weekend, which should be good. I hope to get out for a hike or something else.
Had the urge to drink a little bit earlier. Not even so much for the taste, but just to "check out". Actually I still kind of have it; I'm pounding down some soda water right now, I think that'll do the trick. I used to feel this when I was tired, bored, hungry, or agitated. Tonight, I think it's a combination of what I've been feeling since stopping (being dead tired in the afternoon) and work. Today was the second or third time since starting my job that I took a full lunch. Usually I just take 5-10 minutes. I feel wore down a lot.
Still trying to take care of myself. I'm noticing that some weight is coming off, which is nice. I tried, semi-successfully, making some new recipes. I'm also trying some new activities that might turn into hobbies.
I'm still angry a lot, but not being under the influence (or hungover) helps me deal with the issues a bit easier. I'm finding that I'm kind of sensitive/more prone to be short with people now than I was. Instead of putting energy into not feeling like a piece of garbage (coffee, coffee, coffee....out of work, beer, beer, beer....), I'm able to put myself 100% into work or other things. It's good, productivity is up. Not being hungover also lets me see how alcohol/alcohol abuse affects my coworkers.
Hope you are all well. I am glad to have this place.
Today was an alright day. Work went well, even though it was very busy. I've got one more busy day and then I get my weekend, which should be good. I hope to get out for a hike or something else.
Had the urge to drink a little bit earlier. Not even so much for the taste, but just to "check out". Actually I still kind of have it; I'm pounding down some soda water right now, I think that'll do the trick. I used to feel this when I was tired, bored, hungry, or agitated. Tonight, I think it's a combination of what I've been feeling since stopping (being dead tired in the afternoon) and work. Today was the second or third time since starting my job that I took a full lunch. Usually I just take 5-10 minutes. I feel wore down a lot.
Still trying to take care of myself. I'm noticing that some weight is coming off, which is nice. I tried, semi-successfully, making some new recipes. I'm also trying some new activities that might turn into hobbies.
I'm still angry a lot, but not being under the influence (or hungover) helps me deal with the issues a bit easier. I'm finding that I'm kind of sensitive/more prone to be short with people now than I was. Instead of putting energy into not feeling like a piece of garbage (coffee, coffee, coffee....out of work, beer, beer, beer....), I'm able to put myself 100% into work or other things. It's good, productivity is up. Not being hungover also lets me see how alcohol/alcohol abuse affects my coworkers.
Hope you are all well. I am glad to have this place.
Last edited by Cellardweller; 08-11-2017 at 08:23 PM. Reason: Clarification
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 111
Greetings.
Today is today. It is the start of my weekend! Sort of...
Anyways, I find that I'm being tired all the time now, instead of just in the evenings. I hope that this is just due to some emotional baggage; being this tired sucks. There's a lot I'd like to do, but honestly it's easier to drink some coffee and do the bare minimum.
Apartment is still clean, drinking lots of water, garden is tended, still have work weighing on my mind. (Had a talk with a coworker yesterday about how it's sad to see lots of people's problems with drinking. I can't give them life advice, I was one of the worst. I do see where their drinking patterns will take them though, and that's tough.)
How have people here dealt with rebuilding themselves and the process of moving on to the next step in their lives? It feels like there's a huge weight inside of me, dragging me down. The next step/project is huge (at least it seems) and sometimes it feels like there's too much to deal with. (Every day life, relationships, the holes dug from booze abuse, work, etc.)
All the best.
Today is today. It is the start of my weekend! Sort of...
Anyways, I find that I'm being tired all the time now, instead of just in the evenings. I hope that this is just due to some emotional baggage; being this tired sucks. There's a lot I'd like to do, but honestly it's easier to drink some coffee and do the bare minimum.
Apartment is still clean, drinking lots of water, garden is tended, still have work weighing on my mind. (Had a talk with a coworker yesterday about how it's sad to see lots of people's problems with drinking. I can't give them life advice, I was one of the worst. I do see where their drinking patterns will take them though, and that's tough.)
How have people here dealt with rebuilding themselves and the process of moving on to the next step in their lives? It feels like there's a huge weight inside of me, dragging me down. The next step/project is huge (at least it seems) and sometimes it feels like there's too much to deal with. (Every day life, relationships, the holes dug from booze abuse, work, etc.)
All the best.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Maybe reread / read the links on the hread about making a plan. I won't bore you about my personal solution again, because that's obviously not a route that appeals to you. Recovery is all about learning how to Do Life Sober. That takes a while for everyone. Sometimes it feels like it is taking forever. But if you keep working on it then it will start to happen for you as well.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
BB
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 111
Greetings everyone,
I just wanted to post and check in. Things have been going OK and I think I am settling into a rhythm. The rhythm is kind of boring, but that's OK too. It has its moments and that's good.
I look forward to going to sleep at night in my bed. It sounds kind of stupid, but that's true. I am finding that NOT getting enough sleep is way more noticeable than when I was drinking. The tiredness and exhaustion is still here and naps are frequent; I hope that goes away at some point.
I am still losing weight, which is cool. What isn't cool are the fleeting urges to drink. I am glad however that those pass.
I've been looking through the Plan making threads and finding some good things in there. I'm trying to take care of myself and my obligations so that I don't feel too overwhelmed. I used a spit bucket today at work and all the things people are saying they loved, didn't taste good to me. I think my career choice has 'jumped the shark'. Still making progress to get out.
Hope everyone is well.
I just wanted to post and check in. Things have been going OK and I think I am settling into a rhythm. The rhythm is kind of boring, but that's OK too. It has its moments and that's good.
I look forward to going to sleep at night in my bed. It sounds kind of stupid, but that's true. I am finding that NOT getting enough sleep is way more noticeable than when I was drinking. The tiredness and exhaustion is still here and naps are frequent; I hope that goes away at some point.
I am still losing weight, which is cool. What isn't cool are the fleeting urges to drink. I am glad however that those pass.
I've been looking through the Plan making threads and finding some good things in there. I'm trying to take care of myself and my obligations so that I don't feel too overwhelmed. I used a spit bucket today at work and all the things people are saying they loved, didn't taste good to me. I think my career choice has 'jumped the shark'. Still making progress to get out.
Hope everyone is well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 111
Checking in.
I had a difficult evening last night. I don't know if I am angry at the people I work with, if it's mood swings from not drinking, or if I have legitimate anger issues.
I find that I'm almost always mad about things at work. I've passed the 30-consecutive-days mark a few days ago, having at least some hours logged at work. (I'll work normal hours+ during the week, and then make sure things that need doing on the weekend are taken care of so the people who work for me are able to work as usual during the week.) I'm told that I can take a day here or there if I need it, but the owner doesn't ever seem to comprehend that if I'm not doing it, it doesn't get done. I have nobody to lean on, not even my assistant.
Anyways, in my head, I thought to myself, "I want to get wasted". I could taste the drinks, thinking of the sensation it brings with it. I was tired, frustrated, and honestly felt defeated. Things feel too big sometimes and it would be easier (and oddly attractive) to go back to that place.
So, I went for a long walk and played some videogames. I had a little bit of food and went to bed. I did not drink. Things aren't 100% better but they are better. At least I have this coffee.
Hope you are all well.
I had a difficult evening last night. I don't know if I am angry at the people I work with, if it's mood swings from not drinking, or if I have legitimate anger issues.
I find that I'm almost always mad about things at work. I've passed the 30-consecutive-days mark a few days ago, having at least some hours logged at work. (I'll work normal hours+ during the week, and then make sure things that need doing on the weekend are taken care of so the people who work for me are able to work as usual during the week.) I'm told that I can take a day here or there if I need it, but the owner doesn't ever seem to comprehend that if I'm not doing it, it doesn't get done. I have nobody to lean on, not even my assistant.
Anyways, in my head, I thought to myself, "I want to get wasted". I could taste the drinks, thinking of the sensation it brings with it. I was tired, frustrated, and honestly felt defeated. Things feel too big sometimes and it would be easier (and oddly attractive) to go back to that place.
So, I went for a long walk and played some videogames. I had a little bit of food and went to bed. I did not drink. Things aren't 100% better but they are better. At least I have this coffee.
Hope you are all well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 111
Greetings,
I got a full day off from work this week, which is good. Went on a hike today, can feel it a little in my knees. Those went a bit south in the past few years.
No drinking, but sometimes really feel like getting messed up. I keep focusing on things that frustrate me at work. I also find that I'm getting more and more irritable. The exhaustion is also still there, really tired of that one.
Still losing weight, still have lots of issues, but at least I don't have a hangover. Oh, it's been a month too. If I go another, it will be the longest (for sure) that I haven't been drunk in 11 years.
Hope everyone is well.
I got a full day off from work this week, which is good. Went on a hike today, can feel it a little in my knees. Those went a bit south in the past few years.
No drinking, but sometimes really feel like getting messed up. I keep focusing on things that frustrate me at work. I also find that I'm getting more and more irritable. The exhaustion is also still there, really tired of that one.
Still losing weight, still have lots of issues, but at least I don't have a hangover. Oh, it's been a month too. If I go another, it will be the longest (for sure) that I haven't been drunk in 11 years.
Hope everyone is well.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
it took me a while not to want to be messed up especially after a hard week, but you can change your reactions to stress, depression, irritability...etc with exercise, meditation, finding more balance in your life - all those things 
D
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
For me there are no 'legitimate anger issues'. By these, I'm guessing you mean justified resentments. Thing is, those resentments may be justified but that doesn't make them any less poisonous to my recovery.
Most resentments of mine tend to be about fear or ego (mine) which I need to work to get rid of by finding a bit of humility (the humility prayer is my favourite tool for this).
God. I pray for your helping in detaching from the desire of being:
admired, loved, praised, favoured, accepted, consulted, well known, and honoured.
I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised, ridiculed, humiliated, falsely accused, persecuted, disbelieved, despised, and forgotten.
Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be :
Admired more than I, praised when I am unnoticed, chosen though I may be set aside, preferred to me, and increase in prominence though I remain hidden.
Although others will do what they want, I pray that you will use me for your will.
I pray that I will pause, and while I pause help me to remember to pray for guidance and grant me the humility to find willingness and discard willfulness.
OR - about fear or ego (someone elses, and their acting out in mean, vindictive, selfish or spiteful ways) - hence a Justified Resentment. The Resentment and Do It Anyway prayers usually help me get past those - once I've decided that I WANT to get over the resentment and anger - that takes less time now, but it's still not always immediate. I really do need to remember every time that justified anger / resentment really is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die.
God, help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if I’m kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. Let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. Let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. Let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. It was never between me and them anyway.
God, I have a resentment towards X that I want to be free of.
So I am asking you to give X everything I want for myself.
Help me feel compassion; understanding and love for X.
I pray that X will receive everything they need.
Thankyou for your help and strength with this resentment.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery and sobriety. BB
Most resentments of mine tend to be about fear or ego (mine) which I need to work to get rid of by finding a bit of humility (the humility prayer is my favourite tool for this).
God. I pray for your helping in detaching from the desire of being:
admired, loved, praised, favoured, accepted, consulted, well known, and honoured.
I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised, ridiculed, humiliated, falsely accused, persecuted, disbelieved, despised, and forgotten.
Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be :
Admired more than I, praised when I am unnoticed, chosen though I may be set aside, preferred to me, and increase in prominence though I remain hidden.
Although others will do what they want, I pray that you will use me for your will.
I pray that I will pause, and while I pause help me to remember to pray for guidance and grant me the humility to find willingness and discard willfulness.
OR - about fear or ego (someone elses, and their acting out in mean, vindictive, selfish or spiteful ways) - hence a Justified Resentment. The Resentment and Do It Anyway prayers usually help me get past those - once I've decided that I WANT to get over the resentment and anger - that takes less time now, but it's still not always immediate. I really do need to remember every time that justified anger / resentment really is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die.
God, help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if I’m kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. Let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. Let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. Let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. It was never between me and them anyway.
God, I have a resentment towards X that I want to be free of.
So I am asking you to give X everything I want for myself.
Help me feel compassion; understanding and love for X.
I pray that X will receive everything they need.
Thankyou for your help and strength with this resentment.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery and sobriety. BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
For me there are no 'legitimate anger issues'. By these, I'm guessing you mean justified resentments. Thing is, those resentments may be justified but that doesn't make them any less poisonous to my recovery.
Most resentments of mine tend to be about fear or ego (mine) which I need to work to get rid of by finding a bit of humility (the humility prayer is my favourite tool for this).
God. I pray for your helping in detaching from the desire of being:
admired, loved, praised, favoured, accepted, consulted, well known, and honoured.
I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised, ridiculed, humiliated, falsely accused, persecuted, disbelieved, despised, and forgotten.
Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be :
Admired more than I, praised when I am unnoticed, chosen though I may be set aside, preferred to me, and increase in prominence though I remain hidden.
Although others will do what they want, I pray that you will use me for your will.
I pray that I will pause, and while I pause help me to remember to pray for guidance and grant me the humility to find willingness and discard willfulness.
OR - about fear or ego (someone elses, and their acting out in mean, vindictive, selfish or spiteful ways) - hence a Justified Resentment. The Resentment and Do It Anyway prayers usually help me get past those - once I've decided that I WANT to get over the resentment and anger - that takes less time now, but it's still not always immediate. I really do need to remember every time that justified anger / resentment really is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die.
God, help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if I’m kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. Let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. Let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. Let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. It was never between me and them anyway.
God, I have a resentment towards X that I want to be free of.
So I am asking you to give X everything I want for myself.
Help me feel compassion; understanding and love for X.
I pray that X will receive everything they need.
Thankyou for your help and strength with this resentment.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery and sobriety. BB
Most resentments of mine tend to be about fear or ego (mine) which I need to work to get rid of by finding a bit of humility (the humility prayer is my favourite tool for this).
God. I pray for your helping in detaching from the desire of being:
admired, loved, praised, favoured, accepted, consulted, well known, and honoured.
I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised, ridiculed, humiliated, falsely accused, persecuted, disbelieved, despised, and forgotten.
Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be :
Admired more than I, praised when I am unnoticed, chosen though I may be set aside, preferred to me, and increase in prominence though I remain hidden.
Although others will do what they want, I pray that you will use me for your will.
I pray that I will pause, and while I pause help me to remember to pray for guidance and grant me the humility to find willingness and discard willfulness.
OR - about fear or ego (someone elses, and their acting out in mean, vindictive, selfish or spiteful ways) - hence a Justified Resentment. The Resentment and Do It Anyway prayers usually help me get past those - once I've decided that I WANT to get over the resentment and anger - that takes less time now, but it's still not always immediate. I really do need to remember every time that justified anger / resentment really is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die.
God, help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if I’m kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. Let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. Let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. Let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. It was never between me and them anyway.
God, I have a resentment towards X that I want to be free of.
So I am asking you to give X everything I want for myself.
Help me feel compassion; understanding and love for X.
I pray that X will receive everything they need.
Thankyou for your help and strength with this resentment.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery and sobriety. BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 111
Greetings everyone,
I wanted to check in. Things are going OK. I'm able to get some time away from work, which is good, and am planning towards the future. I haven't drank, but sometimes want to. Those moments are pretty short lived and when they do happen I try to distract myself.
I'm letting go of some emotional attachments to my work, which is good. I'm still taking my multivitamin and drinking a lot of water. The strong fatigue is becoming more spotty, which is good.
Motivation to do things is also returning. Keeping this short as I need to run out.
Hope everyone is well.
I wanted to check in. Things are going OK. I'm able to get some time away from work, which is good, and am planning towards the future. I haven't drank, but sometimes want to. Those moments are pretty short lived and when they do happen I try to distract myself.
I'm letting go of some emotional attachments to my work, which is good. I'm still taking my multivitamin and drinking a lot of water. The strong fatigue is becoming more spotty, which is good.
Motivation to do things is also returning. Keeping this short as I need to run out.
Hope everyone is well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 111
Greetings Everyone,
I hope that everyone is having a good day. Things have been A-OK here.
Still on the "healthy" train: drinking a lot of water and watching what I eat.
I'm actively planning for my next job. After some more thinking, my gut tells me that I'd probably do best at a job that I can "check out" from after I punch out. This means the project I was working on is going on the backburner, potentially for good. But, that means relief.
Next month I'll be taking a trip and crossing my fingers for the best. I don't know for sure about what is to come but I know that it will be a departure from the last 9-10 years, and that is great.
Things aren't really easy but I'm not hung over or feeling like garbage. Always a plus! Had some weird cravings where I could taste and smell (in my head) the drinks they were pouring in a movie I was watching. Also some cravings for beers, one brand in particular. I haven't caved, if these happen I try to eat/drink/go for a walk and they fade.
I've been able to reflect on my life since I started drinking and have felt bad about some things. I could be debt-free right now, own a house, and have done so much more. There are some things I've done that I feel are out of character (maybe?) and were downright stupid. I am lucky. It was all such a waste.
Now it's time to move on and do good things. Instead of being a walking trainwreck, I hope I can do some positive things.
All the best.
I hope that everyone is having a good day. Things have been A-OK here.
Still on the "healthy" train: drinking a lot of water and watching what I eat.
I'm actively planning for my next job. After some more thinking, my gut tells me that I'd probably do best at a job that I can "check out" from after I punch out. This means the project I was working on is going on the backburner, potentially for good. But, that means relief.
Next month I'll be taking a trip and crossing my fingers for the best. I don't know for sure about what is to come but I know that it will be a departure from the last 9-10 years, and that is great.
Things aren't really easy but I'm not hung over or feeling like garbage. Always a plus! Had some weird cravings where I could taste and smell (in my head) the drinks they were pouring in a movie I was watching. Also some cravings for beers, one brand in particular. I haven't caved, if these happen I try to eat/drink/go for a walk and they fade.
I've been able to reflect on my life since I started drinking and have felt bad about some things. I could be debt-free right now, own a house, and have done so much more. There are some things I've done that I feel are out of character (maybe?) and were downright stupid. I am lucky. It was all such a waste.
Now it's time to move on and do good things. Instead of being a walking trainwreck, I hope I can do some positive things.
All the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 111
Greetings everyone,
It has been a long week. I'll be working all this weekend and through the next week. I'm dealing with a lot of frustration regarding work as my bar is generally set a lot higher than my boss'.
I'm looking forward to vacation in a few weeks and hope things pan out. The urge to drink was oddly strong the past few nights. I wanted to go to the gas station down the road and pick up a six pack to get drunk with.
I didn't. I ate some food, drank some sparkling water, and played some video games. Having to deal with feelings, actually feel and process them, is something that is going to take a lot of time to get used to. I texted my girlfriend (I'm not a lot of fun to be around when I'm upset or in a mood) and told her how I was feeling. She said that my recurring feelings about my job are a good indicator that something should change. I had told another friend that my drinking had been allowing me to put up with a lot of things I shouldn't have, for way too long. (It's easy to overlook things when you are trying to get off a hangover, are in a hangover, or trying to get drunk.)
My diet has been kind of lax lately. I've been too tired to be bothered to cook something decent. I know this isn't a good excuse but it is what it is. I was good on the water too, but that slowed down too. If I'm too busy to get some water down (work is that busy for me, no real breaks or lunches. Different discussion all together.) I usually skip it. Hoping I do better today.
I wish everyone the best. I'll be working on looking forward to the future and will try to keep a positive attitude.
Thanks
It has been a long week. I'll be working all this weekend and through the next week. I'm dealing with a lot of frustration regarding work as my bar is generally set a lot higher than my boss'.
I'm looking forward to vacation in a few weeks and hope things pan out. The urge to drink was oddly strong the past few nights. I wanted to go to the gas station down the road and pick up a six pack to get drunk with.
I didn't. I ate some food, drank some sparkling water, and played some video games. Having to deal with feelings, actually feel and process them, is something that is going to take a lot of time to get used to. I texted my girlfriend (I'm not a lot of fun to be around when I'm upset or in a mood) and told her how I was feeling. She said that my recurring feelings about my job are a good indicator that something should change. I had told another friend that my drinking had been allowing me to put up with a lot of things I shouldn't have, for way too long. (It's easy to overlook things when you are trying to get off a hangover, are in a hangover, or trying to get drunk.)
My diet has been kind of lax lately. I've been too tired to be bothered to cook something decent. I know this isn't a good excuse but it is what it is. I was good on the water too, but that slowed down too. If I'm too busy to get some water down (work is that busy for me, no real breaks or lunches. Different discussion all together.) I usually skip it. Hoping I do better today.
I wish everyone the best. I'll be working on looking forward to the future and will try to keep a positive attitude.
Thanks
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by Dee74
Vacations can be a time of temptation and letting our guard down - do you have a plan, CD?
D
D
No real plans regarding not drinking, but I'll be with my girlfriend and the dog. She knows I'm off 'it' and doesn't enable or encourage. Also, all of our stops won't involve alcohol.
I am looking forward to getting away, seeing old friends, and being away from work. This is a vacation, but also a scouting trip. Regarding people I'll see on the trip, my old friends never really drank much (fitness nuts)and they know I'm working on staying off the drink too. If it does come up, I'll just need to decline it. This is the longest I've not drank since turning 21, 11 years ago. I'd really like to keep that streak going.
I was close today to going to the store for drinks; honestly I feel really wore out and that buzz sounds nice right now. Being drunk seems like a 'safe' escape. (Safe is a weird word for that.) Then I remember my health, clarity, not feeling like crap tomorrow, but also letting myself (and the people I've let in on my decision) down. I know that works for now, but I guess I should have something beyond that to fall back on. I'll begin more earnest work on that.
I did some reading on "Sober vs Dry". I'd like to think that I'm on the path to sobriety and clarity. Things are improving, problems are being worked through and progress made. It's exciting at times but also a lot of work. But it's good work.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 611
Hi CD. I read through your thread and it sounds like you have a smart grasp on your problem and what to do about it. The urges will become weaker, but when they pop up, I have to remember that the nice, warm "buzz" was really only fleeting towards the end. Far more time was spent dealing with headaches, sweats, insomnia, high BP, weird poo, etc.
I know the work situation has to be tough, and I'm not a brewer, though where I work has a strong culture of spending time in breweries
But, it seems like your girl and your other friends are supportive, and that means a lot.
Wishing you the best!
I know the work situation has to be tough, and I'm not a brewer, though where I work has a strong culture of spending time in breweries
But, it seems like your girl and your other friends are supportive, and that means a lot.Wishing you the best!
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