vulcan30

Hi,

I just want to know if anyone else has, or has had a similar pattern or relates to this. Although I don't drink every day, I have binge drinking sessions every two days. In bad week I may be drinking every other day; the only days I don't drink are hangover day, one day on, one day off. I hate to say that I'm in a bad week at the moment.

I would also like to talk about what I'm typically doing during a drinking episode. 90% of my most problematic drinking takes places alone (a smaller amount of drinking takes place socially, and performance situations, but I'll focus on that later). During a drinking episode, I'm usually losing myself in front of youtube and escaping reality. During those times, I find it hard to stop. Sometimes, I will drin and drink until the sun comes up. Does anyone else have this pattern?

I often find I have no-one to meet-up with in the evenings, I feel resentful from being forced to be cooped-up in the house against my will. This is one of the things that triggers cravings (like a ******* hydraulic ram).

It's when I'm hungover and feeling guilty that I'm most motivated to stop, the more days go by, the more that motivation wanes, the more those roses images come to the fore. I know that in a few days time I will be gagging it again.

I was reading about so-called 'rock bottom'. According to alcohol rehab and other sources, this basically means the point at which you've had enough, not necessarily the point where you've lost everything. I know that my rock bottom is approaching.

Does anyone else have a drinking pattern similar to mine and has anyone else successfully overcome it?

paulokes

Lots of folks become isolated and drink alone...I was one. I think it's easier to see now the drinking caused this rather than was caused by it.

I didn't see it as a need...but I needed to drink, and I didn't like to be out and about with others as my drinking became unpredictable and I couldn't drink the way I liked in polite company.

Can I relate to sitting up til the early hours, wasting time and generally resenting the world outside for 'putting me in that position'? Yep.

8.5 years here without a drink.

P

dwtbd

Your description of drinking to sun up , instantly reminded me of that level of intoxication of where the high is so current and all consuming that thoughts of how inappropriate or potentially damaging getting that intoxicated are brushed aside with an internal laugh " yeah I may lose my job, family, house whatever, but man sooo what this , this right here is so awesome, I'l deal with that later, right now , yeah this is where I need to be". My 'rock bottom' was when I realized that I was willing to make that bargain everytime I drank, the intoxication was so important. that satisfying the urge for that intoxication was seemingly 'worth it'.
I drank for a long time after realizing the lengths I was willing to go to have that buzz that high. I'd promise myself I'd cut down , limit the times I'd get totally blotto and or promise myself ( and others) that I'd only have a few but most times I'd drink enough ( and more) to get to that 'special place' come to in the mornings regretful of the consequences of getting drunk, hungover, anxiety, shame, 'in trouble' with the wife ect. Basically knowing I was making a terrible bargain , that the buzz wasn't worth the costs in mind , body and soul I was paying for it, and yet still continuing to pay for it .
IT kept telling Me , it was worth it, "don't mind the consequences you 'got through' them before you can do it again, even just one more time, it's so worth it, besides you're a drinker , comes with the territory, other people must just
not enjoy it like you do , it's worth it."
Then one day , in some moment of desperation /clarity looking around the internet about anxiety/alcohol withdrawal I stumbled on SR and saw mention of AVRT/RR ( great threads about these ideas here in the Secular Connections) those ideas really resonated with me, I learned to identify that voice telling me it was worth and how to shut IT down.
I finally decided to stop bargaining and paying, I finally decided to Quit, it is so worth it.
wish you well and hope to see you around

ScottFromWI

We all had different drinking "patterns" but the underlying problem of addiction/-alcoholism is exactly the same. Rock Bottom is a also a nebulous concept that it's very hard to define. You don't have to wait for it to happen though, because in reality "bottoms" just keep getting lower and lower.

Plenty of people recover from all types of drinking problems, some sporadic drinkers just like you too. You are in the midst of many here on SR actually.

RecklessEric

Not feeling able to stop.
That's the thing.

I drank all the time, alone or in company.
If I were meeting up with people, I'd make sure I was there first so they would think the smell of booze was from the one in front of me rather than the countless ones I'd consumed earlier.
And then I'd drink when I got home till I passed out.
Every day except when working, which was most days, because I chose to work my hours mostly all together, so I'd have the bones of 5 days off.

I wish you the best, Vulcan.

fini

vulcan,
i had a different 'pattern'.
and i'm quite sure that the 'pattern' is not the determining factor in how to succeed with sobriety. that depends in large part on willingness we have and subsequent actions we take.

i'm not understanding...how are you forced to be cooped up against your will?

thomas11

I've read on this site people with similar drinking patterns to what you describe, but its the escaping reality that is a common theme. I did it all the time. Its why I drank. You are wise to get a handle on this now, because it will only get worse. Wishing you the best.

HTown

I was able to stop just over a year ago. My pattern was similar to yours. I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I did not hit bottom. The guilt and shame I felt were overwhelming. I had suicidal thoughts. I considered myself "a loser", Though on the outside I am far from a loser. I am a winner by every definition in our capitalist society.

It is difficult at first to stop. You must break your routine in whatever way possible. You will be bored, emotions all over the place, but the benefits are beyond belief. I cannot tell you how good I feel.

When you drink and you do not stop, after telling yourself you will not drink or you will stop after 1-2 drinks, you have crossed a line that can never be undone. No amount of moderation will work. The only thing that works is to never pick up the first drink.

Welcome back and good luck.

poolside

That was my drinking pattern for a few years. Usually after work and the gym, but I found myself doing it on weekends, too. Waste of time.

Dee74

Over twenty years I had a lot of drinking patterns.

Some where like yours Vulcan and some weren't.

The really pertinent question is are you at the point you want to do something about it?

D

doggonecarl

I don't relate to the drinking pattern, but pattern of relapse after relapse is a familiar one. Hope you figure out how to stay quit.

waynetheking

My pattern was alcoholism. The days I didn't drink were the days I had massive hangovers. To weak and tired to drink. Vulcan it sounds like you have the same thing everyone else has here. Alcoholism. Rock bottom or not you have to quit in order to live. Or live a miserable life being drunk and sick for years and years.
Commit to sobriety for 90 days. If you don't like it, start drinking again. But I can absolutely assure you sobriety is better without question.
Stay with us. It gets better.

Outonthetiles

My pattern was completely typical, top of the Bell curve progressive alcoholism. I started with drinking beers now and then in high school to being a complete party animal in college, reducing my drinking as I worked on my career, and then progressive steadily increasing drinking as I got older, until I reach full blown alcoholism.

Never in a million years did I see myself becoming an addict, and yet it happened. I thought I was too smart to fall in the trap, but drinking really knocked me on my butt.

slangking

That drinking pattern is exactly the same as the one I had, I thought I actually wrote it. Jeez.

Yeah, solo drinking watching YouTube until 7am. The only times I wouldn't drink would be if I was too hungover, which was very rare. Moderating my drinking made problems worse as when I would drink I would go even more crazy and binge drinking for 24 hours solid non stop drinking, would go out on a pub crawl on my own as well, have huge blackouts all the time. I tried to give up a few times before and I didn't have a "rock bottom" (well maybe I did, there were many dark times), it was just too many black outs and I thought I simply had to stop. There was no choice in the matter. I haven't had a drink for nearly six months and it's probably the best thing I have ever done.

Forward12

It's a very common, i'm sure most alcoholics would fit your story. I also would drink every day for about 5-7 days straight, and only stop for a day or two only because I was so nauseous I couldn't put any more booze down. Often times promising myself "That's it, i'm never drinking again" then after a few days once the feeling like hell passed, I was right back to the bottle, over and over. During these times I also would just sit on youtube or play video games mindlessly for hours and hours,... It's for sure no way to live.

Stellar45

I briefly had the drinking pattern you described. I was also a binge drinker, a blackout drinker, closet drinker, nightly drinker, etc. I even had a few periods of time where I thought I exhibited control but in the end the results were always the same. Alcohol had won again kicking my %$#@ and handing me a big slice of incomprehensible demoralization.
We alcoholics have a lot more in common than many of us realize. In both how we drank and how the drink effected us.

PhoenixJ

You know your rock bottom is approaching, a 'so-called' rock bottom. Well, you already have a brain that is telling you on the predictive radar- you need to do something about this. To have the awareness and act on it so you do not lose everything is a gift. Use it to your advantage. Support to you.

NYCDoglvr

Alcoholics typically binge drink before becoming daily drunks. It's a progressive disease that always gets worse. I call myself an alcoholic because once I pick up a drink I have no control over quantity or what happens.

SoberCAH

You may want to claim the present as your personal rock bottom.

It sounds low enough to me.

You may also wish to ask yourself "how much more am I willing to lose? How much more am I willing to endure? And for what purpose?".

Your drinking pattern certainly sounds a lot like my own.

Your continuing to walk down that path doesn't sound like it's going to improve your life.

Recovery, on the other hand, has certainly improved my life (to put it mildly).

SoberHoopsFan

I had all sorts of pattern, some that were similar to yours. Towards the end, most of my drinking was solo, as being around other people while drinking became almost too risky with my erratic drunken behavior. There were Friday and Saturday nights where I would drink until the sun came up in the morning and figure that it was pointless to go to sleep in the morning so just kept drinking all day. At some point I would black out and pass out in the afternoon, then wake up maybe in the middle of the night and go right back at it. Pathetic way to live when I look back at it.

You don't have to live like that though. I quit, and so can you.