Reaching out for help
 

Hey all, I've been reading and posting sporadically here for a few months, I'm not doing so well right now. I've been sober off and on over the last year...a month here and a month there. I was sober for over 3 months from Feb-June. Started up again mid June, and I'd stop for a week or a few days, and then start again. I really miss my sobriety. It was the best 3 months of my life, even though it was hard. I really want to quit for good. I went to AA some but didn't give it a fair chance. I am going to a meeting tomorrow and I'm going to get a sponsor asap. It's just hard for me to ask for help, and I have sometimes crippling social anxiety. I just can't get past step one. I don't understand why. I can say it, but I can't really accept it.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Any encouragement much appreciated.

I'm glad the you came here and posted. Things will get better! It works if you work it!

Welcome back icoi87. Glad to hear you are going to give SR another shot and also going back to meetings. Admitting/accepting/proclaiming our addiction is a very hard step, whether you do AA or any other program/plan. I personally found that it was absolutely necessary though.

I am also an anxiety sufferer, and drinking was my "coping" mechanism, but eventually it not only failed, but it made the anxiety worse. There are solutions that work far better for anxiety though....it's a very common and very treatable condition, But the drinking has to stop first. I hope we can help you get to that point.

Glad you're giving it another go. :) Getting sober was hard, but the most rewarding thing I've ever done for myself. I hope our support can help you get sober for good. :)

Hello and welcome.
I'm Paul and I'm an alcoholic .
It took me years to say that. I'm powerless over alcohol.
I tried. Until it finally beat me and tried to kill me. Drinking, at the end, around the clock because I knew what awaited me- the crippling anxiety. Guilt and remorse over how I could let this happen again.
I drank like that for ten years. Finally, I found AA. There were people there like me. I didn't know that. We all were there to stop our common affliction with drink. We had little else in common, but that didn't matter.
It took me awhile, but I've now gone six and a half years without a drink.
Powerlessness. It's hard to admit. Please don't wait till you hit rock bottom and the lows I did.
I also suffer from social anxiety. Still do. But I was ready to go to any length to get sober.
I had to admit I was powerless. Get rid of my false pride and fear and go to a meeting.

Believe me, it wasn't easy, but what worth it in life is? Especially saving your own life.
You can do it. I know you can. Try.
I wish you the best.

Hi Icoi

this really is the most welcome and friendly online community I've ever been a part of, so please don't feel hesitant about posting here regularly or about asking for help.

You'll find loads of support here :)

D.

ICOI- WELCOME. my anxiety very nearly killed me- for avoiding help. I figured that asking for help/going to a meeting and feeling crap was better than isolating and feeling crap.

Asking for help is sometimes hard to do, but I'm glad you have reached out. Many good and smart people here to help you on your journey. Wishing you the best.

Glad your here man, hi I'm Wayne.
I hope you went to a meeting today?
How did it go? We're here for ya. We all have one thing in common. We're alcoholics. Nothing to hide. I'm an alcoholic. Big deal. Now let's move on and recover from this disease.

I never made it past step 2 and have done fine for many years now.

Things like the steps are there to help you, but if you cannot do them then you just recover another way.

Hi Icoi. We all understand how you're feeling. It sounds like you're ready to do it this time. Post as much as you want - we're here to help & encourage.

So many people, icoi share the same problems with alcohol. We are here for you. Here to listen and offer support. It helps tremendously to talk and be part of a community. A solution. LIVE in the solution, my friend! I found common ground in AA and here at SR. You can and will too. Make the commitment. I believe in you!

Hi all, thank you so much for the kind replies. It really means a lot to me. 😊 I'm happy to report that I am a week sober! I'm truly just taking it one day at a time. I've been to five meetings this week which I feel good about. Haven't found a sponsor yet but looking and reading the big book. I'm not sure if AA is for me but it's definitely been good to sit in meetings this week and I want to at least give the program a fair chance.

:c011::scoregood

So proud of you, icoi. A whole week is fabulous. Things will get easier.

Your post sounded like you had a good grip on step one. It is important because your clear and unreserved understanding of what step one means, what it means to be an alcoholic, will underpin your work in the rest of the steps. If there is any doubt, then doubt will sneak in right through the program. As in do I really need to do that kinda thinking.

How do you feel about these question. Do you want to stop for good and all? Are your problems due to alcoholism or do you harbour the hope that they will turn out to be from some other cause.? Do you hope that one day, maybe after a sufficient length of sobriety, you will be able to return to moderate drinking? Is there anything on your experience that leads you to believe it might be possible for you to be a normal drinker? What happens to real alcoholics who try to keep drinking? Is it ever a happy outcome? Are you any different?

I don't know about you, but I used to like twenty questions. I always got a good score when it came to alcoholism. About the only thing I could do right.

All of those questions are great and I'm thinking hard on them. I have accepted that I cannot ever drink again. I will never have a normal or healthy relationship with alcohol. I never have. I could keep drinking... maybe keep my job and apartment, and some relationships intact (probably not.) But I wouldn't be happy whatever the outcome. Alcohol provides me no happiness. Nothing good has come from it.

Thanks again for all the support. I'm loving this forum.

Congrats on your progress icoi :)

D

I can share my experience with the quoted part above because I recall saying the exact same thing - "I just cannot accept this!"

With the clarity of hindsight, here's what I was really saying, "This idea that I'm a real alcoholic runs so contrary to what I WANT, that I just refuse to believe it." Similar to the stages of grief that have had much written about them - my first step is to deny reality as such. I'll hold onto what I hope things will be, what I think they should be so tightly that I can flat out disregard what they actually are. My next step was typically say, "Well, I can see they kinda look like that now but really there's a lot more going on than you all can see so while it looks like X or Y.......it's really A or B."

Not to beat the specific wording to death but thank God the 1st step doesn't ask me to ACCEPT anything. If I accept my alcoholism then why the hell do anything to stop it, alter it, end it? Just accept it and find a way to live with it, ya know? Instead I'm asked if I can ADMIT it......if I can see reality for what it is (assuming I'm alcoholic of course) and once done, to NOT ACCEPT that fate and instead seek the solution.

Hope that helps.

If you can remember that-an believe it every day of your life and just put one foot in front of the other, i have no doubt you will make it.

Things that helped me....don't over think this- Keep s#it extremely simple.

Ask for help constantly. We'd rather hear from you feeling off than wondering where you disappeared to.

It's ok to feel F**&ed up in a F**&ed up situation....in other words, early sobriety is messy and scary. It can be overwhelming. that's why we want you to stick close.

We're all glad you're here. :c011: