BobLobLaw

I'm hoping I took action soon enough so that this won't be a real long drawn out ordeal. Ive only been concerned about my drinking for about a year - though I've probably had a problem for the last 5 years or so.

Thankfully, I didn't have any major detox symptoms. I don't know if I would have been strong enough persevere if I had.

I honestly didn't even know how dangerous it could be to quit drinking until I started reading here. Im glad I found this place and took action before I ended up in a place that many people don't come back from.

BobLobLaw

Crazy hectic day today. My son's 7th Birthday. Took the day off work and we all went to a movie this morning and spent the day at a water park. My only regret? I should have been more liberal with the sunscreen and am a bit sun burnt!

We had an awesome day - and I know that I'll get to see so many more of my kids' birthdays - and have a better appreciation of them as long as I keep the path that I'm on.

Berrybean

Lovely that you were able to celebrate your sons birthday with him and be emotionally available to him.

If I ever go to the States I am definitely going to check out a big water park. The ones in the UK aren't so great.

Well done.
BB

Dee74

Sounds a great day Bob

D

Briar

Great to hear you're doing well! I bet it felt great to be sober for your kid's party. I have some painful memories about getting trashed at my daughter's parties. Not the parent I want to be. You should be proud for today.

Outonthetiles

I don't know if I'm exactly proud of saying that I am an alcoholic, but I am thankful to have gone through this miserable experience because it permitted me to stop drinking entirely rather than continuing to drink at lower levels and drift through the remainder of my life the way that I had been doing, which was simply going to the motions not being honest with myself and not making an effort in my career, my hobbies, and my relationships due to my drinking.

BobLobLaw

Just checking in. Been a hectic weekend and I really didn't get online much. Officially made it two weeks - and two full weekends.

My resting heart rate seems to have stabilized at 45 BPM.

I did go for run this morning - grudgingly! I think I need a goal - something to train for. Running just to run is tough. There is a 1/2 marathon coming up in a couple of months that a buddy of mine is running. I might try to train for that.

BobLobLaw

So, after two weeks sober, I came to the rationalization that an alcoholic couldn't actually go two weeks without drinking. Maybe I'd be OK to just drink on the weekends. Right?

Yeah - that AV is tricksy indeed.

That weekend turned in to 9 days of drinking after work. I should be closing in on a month sober. Instead I'm at day 1. Damn I'm disappointed in myself.

But, I made it 18 days last time. That's better than I've done in years. I learned a lot about getting through that first 3 or 4 days. Hopefully this new journey would be smoother and actually end in success.

day 1 and counting...

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Bob. 18 days is a good achievement for sure, what do you think you can do differently this time to make it last longer?

NYCDoglvr

I didn't quit for good, I decided to not drink today. And after 25 years I still don't drink one day at a time. After all, how do I know I'll never drink again?
Keeping it in the present makes it much more manageable.

Dee74

I'm glad you made it back Bob.
I have one rule - any thought I might have that drinking is a good idea is a lie.

D

DetMed

So I'm in a pretty similar situation and my drinking habits sound almost exactly the same. I'm in med school and am in the hospital 6/7 days a week working 60-80 hours but I still have found time to get blackout drunk a few nights a week. I know I've had a problem but always thought I could control it but after 9 straight days of drinking I'm pretty upset with myself right now and seeing your story is motivating to try to make a change.

I just joined cause I've had a week or two here and there sober and had the same thought of just one drink will be okay cause I can't have a problem if I can go two weeks without it, right? Wrong. I'm gonna try to make a change with you. Not sure how I'm gonna do but I need to make an effort to change for myself and my family

BobLobLaw

Thanks. That's a great question. I guess if nothing else I've learned that 2 weeks doesn't mean anything and there is no amount of time that can pass before it's OK for me to drink again.

I was arrogant to think otherwise - and now know better.

I am off to a good day 2. Didn't sleep worth a crap last night. But, I expected that from my first night sober in awhile. But, I did get up early and logged a nice 3+ mile run. Feeling good today - just gotta stay focused and remember why I decided to quite drinking every time I even consider buying alcohol.


I'm glad that works for you. And congrats on 25 years. That's awesome.

My mind needs a clear cut all or nothing goal though. If I let myself believe that I can drink again some day - that means that there's no reason not to drink now. It's dumb and illogical - but it's the way my mind works.

BobLobLaw

This site has been a huge source of support for me. And I think it was the difference between all my previous attempts failing at day 3 or 4 and my last attempt making it almost 3 weeks. And hopefully, it'll be the reason I quit for good this time.

Read here often. Post when you need to. It will help.

NYCDoglvr

Untrue. I'm an alcoholic who hasn't had a drink for 25 years. It's what happens when I pick up: I have no control over how much I drink and what happens. That's what AA means by being powerless. I'm powerless OVER alcohol, but not other areas of my life.

Algorithm

Welcome. That is an astute observation. I will make some others, in the hope that it helps you solidify your intuition.

What if you did enjoy it? Would that then make it okay for you to drink, even in the face of mounting problems? Personal, social, etc.?

It may not be immediately obvious, but at statement is the voice of your addiction, because it supports the possibility of your continued drinking. It justifies it with a contingency -- 'it doesn't feel as good anymore'. This just means that if it did feel good, which it will after a period of abstinence and rejuvenation, at least for a little while, then some more drinking might indeed be in the cards.

Forsaking self, others, and interests for alcohol is a clear sign of dependency, as is the anticipation of that deep euphoria you used to get in the good old days, but which you find ever more elusive lately.

Alcohol must be very important in your life to forsake all others in favor of it, no?

What if you did have something positive? That old euphoria will probably come back if you abstain for some time and start up again. This is the voice of your addiction.

You don't need to admit anything to anyone, BobLobLaw. There is this notion in our society, since alcohol is legal and fairly common, that only certain people with 'the problem' are the ones that 'can't' drink. Hence the notion that one must admit 'the problem' (now called alcohol use disorder) to self and others. This is not true, because anyone can swallow alcohol. Some people simply have a much higher statistical probability of causing themselves and others big problems whenever they do.

Consider that 27% of 'normal' Americans are lifelong teetotalers, and that hundreds of millions of 'normal' people worldwide are lifelong teetotalers. The don't have 'the problem', they absolutely can drink, but yet, they never drink. Never drinking = No problem.

You can join them.

Drinking against your own better judgement is also a clear sign of alcohol dependence. Alcohol must be really important to you to keep ingesting it in the face of mounting problems, no?

There are all kinds of 'tests' for alcohol dependence out there, but I have an unofficial version, that is fairly intuitive, simple, and enlightening. Think about never, ever, drinking again, under any circumstances, come hell or high water.

Observe your own thoughts and feelings surrounding the idea of never again indulging with alcohol, and never again feeling that elusive euphoria that you keep chasing. Does that sound scary? Daunting? Impossible?

If so, that probably means that you are alcohol dependent, and if you are dependent against your own better judgment, you are probably addicted. There is actually a difference between dependency and addiction.

Many people are physically dependent on SSRI antidepressants, for example, but that does not mean that they are addicted to those SSRI's. The difference lies in the fact that antidepressants are usually a necessary and welcome chemical dependence that aids in the pursuit of life, as opposed to hindering it, and pointing south, towards eventual death.

Opportunistic. Your addiction borrows and adds to its 'bag of tricks' from wherever it can, including society at large. This includes the idea that you are an alcoholic, which simply means that you are your addiction -- your body's desire for alcohol. I could be wrong, but I believe that you are starting to catch on to its agenda, and to see it for what it is.

I hope this helps somewhat in giving you a moving target to lock on to.

Again, welcome.

BobLobLaw

Obviously untrue. It was a stupid rationalization and I allowed my AV to make a decision. I regret it and hopefully have learned from it.

BobLobLaw

I'll be honest. Your post was quite off putting when I first read it. You made some pretty significant accusations. I was initially pretty annoyed.

But, I realized that you wouldn't have read this entire thread and typed up such an extensive post to annoy me. So, i went back and read it again with that in mind.

I gotta say, you clearly know what you're talking about. What if I did enjoy alcohol still? What if I wasn't experiencing ill health affects? What if I'm just abstaining long enough to "get better" enough to go back to drinking?

Damn, if that didn't hit home.

I honestly believe I'm more dependent on alcohol than I am addicted. And, I'm lucky that I figured it out early enough to decide to make a change. When I quit drinking for days at a time, I don't experience PAWS. I don't have tremors, or nausea. The worst symptom of me not drinking is that I don't fall asleep as easily the first 2 or 3 nights. All the other side affects are good ones. And, after 3 days of not drinking I can usually sleep as well as anyone else. So, there is no reason - no justification to ever drink again. I need to remember that any time I think otherwise.

Thank you for taking the time to read this entire thread and weigh in. I do appreciate it.

Venecia

It's good to see you, Bob.

Some wise owls on SR have observed it's helpful to be here as much as you can in early recovery ... times when you feel strong, feel shaky and everything in between. It helps build your sober muscles.

Or, as a smart SRer named Gilmer once said, come here even if you only post to say "I had a good piece of cheese today."

Glad you're here. You can do this, Bob.

Berrybean

Well, 'dependent on alcohol' or 'addicted' doesn't really make much odds.

Why??

Because the solution is the same whichever you are. Stop drinking and find better ways to deal with life on life's terms - and that means sobriety and recovery.

Maybe its time to stop thinking so much about which label you are, and start looking more towards what you want to be and how to get there.

BB