steve-in-kville

I'm having some odd things from my past come back to haunt me that had really hindered my sobriety at one point. Basically I was wronged big time. I was able to accept what happened, made peace with it, did my best to forgive and move one with my life. Only time can heal that pain. I was able to experience freedom from addiction after I worked through it.

Anyways, this person (wife' aunt) is doing the same thing to another cousin, almost to the letter. This is how she is. Hurt people hurt other people. This has stirred a lot of anger the past day or so. I am not involved and aim to keep it that way. Not sure why I am letting this bother me so much. We have largely removed this person from our lives.

Need some encouragement today.

Jules714

I can relate.
All I can say is that I didn't personally forgive that person but rather did so in my heart FOR ME!
Time is a tincture.
IMO keeping distance is the best idea.
You can do it! And you are so not alone!
Don't let it unravel you, please. Nobody is worth it!
Jules

BrendaChenowyth

It's done. Stop dwelling. If it's happening to a cousin now, it's not for you to be angry about. If we get angry when other people are wronged, how are we to cope with people wronging US? We have to excuse ourselves from their business. It's not about you.

steve-in-kville

Thanks for the replies.

As I mentioned, hurt people hurt other people. That about sums up my aunt's situation. Its sad, really.

paulokes

Resentment: to "refeel"
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Resentment

As someone said above letting go is about giving myself peace of mind rather than letting them off the hook.

Stewing in resentment is a great way to get drunk, or at least waste a whole chunk of my day feeling uncomfortable.

P

SoberCAH

Thanks for sharing this, Steve.

We're glad you're here and participating in our recovery circles on this forum.

zjw

i have some stuff like this in my life. Its tough too. sitting and stewing over it isnt healthy and does us no good. But i know at times its just so hard not too it seems like.

But i do find its generally best to just not give this kinda stuff any attention and try to distract your brain with something else?

I mean sure theres the usual about forgiveness and coping with things etc.. But some wounds have been cut deep and for me anyhow coping and forgiveness seem to only go so far after that all i can do is just try to move on and put it to bed.

steve-in-kville

Lot easier said than done, I'm afraid.

ScottFromWI

Most of what we must do in recovery is not easy unfortunately. Have you thought of perhaps seeking therapy or counseling to help you with some of these issues?

ssd858

Perhaps reaching out to the cousin to share your feelings and to help him/her
understand that it is not his/her problem but rather the mean woman's issue.
Letting it go to feel at peace is best for you and I truly hope you get there, but so is reaching out to others and helping others will help you too. Hugs to you and your cousin.