Johnnybgoodnow

I had a friends wedding yesterday, I had a few hundred close friends and family to deal with and everyone was asking why I wasn't drinking.... naturally being an alcoholic an event such as this used to be perfect for me as everyone gets completely smashed so I could blend in very easily and not be the only really drunk person for a change. I drove which was a good pretence, but I would always have a couple anyway even when I did drive to anything so that didn't wash with anyone and I said I just didn't feel like it which was even more unbelievable! . I really wanted to explain to people but a wedding really isn't the place but I wondered how long after others had stopped did they take people they cared about aside and really admit the truth as to why. I have been very good at hiding my consumption from friends and most really have no idea of my issues. My family are very big drinkers so I'm sure it will not go down too well with them as I just don't think they will understand that there is anything wrong with smashing 2/3 bottles of wine a night as they all do it too. it's been 2 months now and Rather than just stay in and keep sober I'm up for going out and integrating with people now but I want them to know the truth and not just keep making excuses like I'm on antibiotics or I'll. that's no way to live. Thanks in advance 😀

IFheweresaught

It's quite likly that they already know you have a problem. For those who also have a problem your sobriety will be a threat to them. If they ask then it's possible that they want to explain that you don't have a problem because they don't want to have a problem.

ScottFromWI

It's true that most people already know that the problem existed, it's pretty hard to disguise.

Regarding what and when to tell people, you really have no obligation to tell them anything. Actualiy, most people don't even notice or care if we drink or not. Our addiction likes to make us think they do but it's only an obsession for us.

MachinistGuy

I'm 2 months along as well. Apart from a few close friends I'll keep on with my usual excuses, sure you know them all already
I get asked a lot because I am in the pub most days and you stick out like a sore thumb when you are drinking coke.

least

The only 'excuse' I give is "I don't drink anymore". That's all anyone needs to know. If they persist in asking "why" I just ask them if my not drinking is a problem for them. They usually stop asking then.

FLCamper

I've never had anyone question me. As Scott said, a lot probably knew -- and have read between the lines and the rest don't notice.

I don't tell anyone I'm an alcoholic. It wouldn't bother me if someone found out, but there is a stigma associated with such a label (although I think it is fading). Like it or not, some people view it very negatively.

NulaMeansZero

I wouldnt just say " Hey Im alcoholic and needed to stop" . Im struggling with the same thing, maybe we're ashamed and feel like we need to say something. Ive been telling people my stomach hurts, or Im DD for the night. You would think it easy to explain but really we dont have to explain anything.
I guess the easiest way out is saying " Im good I just dont feel like it " case closed....if they pressure ask them whats the deal if you dont drink candidly, let them give you a better excuse .......
At the end of the day nobody really wants to hear our story or struggles, except us on SR, we're a support team and Your Rocking Right Now!!!
Congrats Bud..

Forward12

Outside of perhaps people close to you that actually know the extent of how bad it was, they should already know that you've put the madness behind you. For everyone else, I don't think it's any of their business and almost always gets nothing but a bad reaction if you do tell them.
It's best just to say "i'm not drinking tonight" and leave it at that.

nez

When people ask why I am not drinking, I simply reply "Why would I?"
That usually stops them from pursuing the matter.

If they keep on, then my reply is "Because I don't want to."

If they are really stubborn and persist, then my last reply on the subject is "Because I don't need to."

All three are short, sweet, the absolute truth and hard to argue with.

soberclover

In my early sobriety, I remember going in to this one bar once in awhile and drinking diet coke. There were many questions from people about why I wasn't drinking. Eventually I got bored with that scene. Over time what I realized is that if people are asking me why I"m not drinking, I'm probably in the wrong place or in the wrong company. This is what is true for me but I recognize not all.

Grungehead

I will tell people on a "need to know" basis. So far that has been my doctor(s), my family and a few close friends. I remember when I got sober for the first time I wanted to tell everyone that I was no longer a drunk/druggie. Luckily I brought it up to some people in AA and they advised me to resist that urge for awhile. Interestingly enough the urge to "tell the world" lessened over time.

Dee74

When I quit I thought everyone needed to know. I assumed drinking was as important to them as it was to me....

what I found was, outside of family and drinking buddies, noone really cared if I drank or not.

I regret telling everyone really because it worried a lot of people who didn't need to be worried now I'd stopped drinking.

'No thanks' is enough 95% of the time.

'No thanks I'll have a [non alc drink of choice]' works 98% of the time.

The other 2 percent might want an explanation, but they're not owed one.

If I really felt the need, I'd say something like I gave up for my health.

D

Sasha4

For me, the longer I went without drinking the less people asked why.
It just became the norm in the end.
I can't say I enjoy events like weddings since I stopped drinking.
I tend to get through as opposed to enjoy them.
After a certain time I found that the more sloshed guests were, the less they asked, pestered or cared that I was not drinking.
That was usually the time I left knowing that it probably would not really be noticed by anyone.


For me, this is my battle and I get to choose how to fight it.
For me that is in a private, quiet manner, where I only explain the real reason to those that understand.

So in my life that is about 6 people in total!!
Its just the way I prefer it.

I wish you the best xx

bradly22

Basically; never tell them. They just don't need to know.

SteelRes211

I agree 100%, most people could care less if we drink except right here.

Berrybean

To people who knew the extent of my drinking I said " I got fed up with everything revolving around alcohol " or "Nah, it just always gets out of hand." They know what I mean without using words like alcoholic or addiction. (Sometimes further down the line those people have come to me for advice on their own drinking and his to stop, and then I am more frank).

People who dont drink much anyway are generally only asking in a conversational way anyhow and have happily allowed a change of subject. I find that to survive parties of any kind it's best to have a selection of questions to ask other people up my sleeve to that I can steer the conversation away from myself and my drinking or lack of it.

BB