Well it finally happened...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Well it finally happened...
My boyfriend officially left me.
Can't say I blame him.
It's both sad and a relief.
Now I can stop hurting a very decent man with the insanity.
He wasn't cruel about it, he just wants me focus on myself and my sobriety.
Probably the little fire I need to really do the work.
I know not tomorrow, but someday I will want someone. Who the heck would want me like this? No one.
I know I was the wife of alcoholic and it was awful.
Time to reclaim myself, again.
Thnx for "listening"
J
Can't say I blame him.
It's both sad and a relief.
Now I can stop hurting a very decent man with the insanity.
He wasn't cruel about it, he just wants me focus on myself and my sobriety.
Probably the little fire I need to really do the work.
I know not tomorrow, but someday I will want someone. Who the heck would want me like this? No one.
I know I was the wife of alcoholic and it was awful.
Time to reclaim myself, again.
Thnx for "listening"
J
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
Sorry to hear the news .....focus on getting healthy one day at a time .
Worry about today, not tomorrow for now.
Stay busy.
Go for walks and clear your head.
You know what you have to do and that fix's you.
You'll be fine and we're all hear to listen, vent , post do anything you have to do EXCEPT drink.
Worry about today, not tomorrow for now.
Stay busy.
Go for walks and clear your head.
You know what you have to do and that fix's you.
You'll be fine and we're all hear to listen, vent , post do anything you have to do EXCEPT drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
So day 4 sober. Doing pretty well all things considered. Still dealing with pangs of sadness coupled with anxiety over missing my boyfriend...but trying to stay busy.
It's at night time (it's night time here) when I look over at the empty side of my bed that feels the worst.
I don't feel like I want to drink. I just dislike being alone. I've never been alone.
I did make some good strides by boxing up anything that reminds me of him. I've had a few crying jags but really only indulged in that for up to one minute. (It's easy to wrap it up if you're counting at the same time)
I am grateful that he's definitely ignited a spark for me to get sober again...and it wasn't really working out for last 6 months.
I seriously cannot wait to get back to AA tomorrow. Find a new job. Get healthy. (My stomach is seriously not bouncing back as well this time) I'm so thankful for this site.
I know this vent sounds like a pity party, and it is... but it is literally my actual Birthday today so I'm just feeling low.
Thanks for "listening"
J
It's at night time (it's night time here) when I look over at the empty side of my bed that feels the worst.
I don't feel like I want to drink. I just dislike being alone. I've never been alone.
I did make some good strides by boxing up anything that reminds me of him. I've had a few crying jags but really only indulged in that for up to one minute. (It's easy to wrap it up if you're counting at the same time)
I am grateful that he's definitely ignited a spark for me to get sober again...and it wasn't really working out for last 6 months.
I seriously cannot wait to get back to AA tomorrow. Find a new job. Get healthy. (My stomach is seriously not bouncing back as well this time) I'm so thankful for this site.
I know this vent sounds like a pity party, and it is... but it is literally my actual Birthday today so I'm just feeling low.
Thanks for "listening"
J
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Happy Birthday, Jules!
Congratulations on 4 days. I think you're doing very well. Lot's of emotions are coming to the surface. You stayed sober and got through them. That's a big accomplishment. Good for you!
Congratulations on 4 days. I think you're doing very well. Lot's of emotions are coming to the surface. You stayed sober and got through them. That's a big accomplishment. Good for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Thanks!!
It actually feels much better to have written that.
I actually had a very nice day with family. Too bad I couldn't eat much but I have leftovers for days at this rate of eating.
It was just like a pang of sadness driving home by myself. But I didn't cry.
I've been fine for last 3 hours until I got into bed. It just is going to ebb and flow I guess. Life on life's terms...
It actually feels much better to have written that.
I actually had a very nice day with family. Too bad I couldn't eat much but I have leftovers for days at this rate of eating.
It was just like a pang of sadness driving home by myself. But I didn't cry.
I've been fine for last 3 hours until I got into bed. It just is going to ebb and flow I guess. Life on life's terms...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Of course you felt bad, Jules. There's no shame in crying either. The positive in all this is you're one day closer to having the life you deserve. One where you make your own choices, alcohol doesn't decide for you.
Sending you a big Birthday hug. You're not alone, Jules.
Sending you a big Birthday hug. You're not alone, Jules.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Found myself in a similar spot at the start from my journey Jules. Turned out to be the best thing that ever happened. I stuck to my meetings, and the steps, and many new doors have opened since, along with the fact that I have been able to stay sober. A great life is ahead of you.
Trying to Enjoy Life Now
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Sittin' on the dock of the bay
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by Jules714 
So day 4 sober. Doing pretty well all things considered. Still dealing with pangs of sadness coupled with anxiety over missing my boyfriend...but trying to stay busy.
It's at night time (it's night time here) when I look over at the empty side of my bed that feels the worst.
I don't feel like I want to drink. I just dislike being alone. I've never been alone.
I did make some good strides by boxing up anything that reminds me of him. I've had a few crying jags but really only indulged in that for up to one minute. (It's easy to wrap it up if you're counting at the same time)
I am grateful that he's definitely ignited a spark for me to get sober again...and it wasn't really working out for last 6 months.
I seriously cannot wait to get back to AA tomorrow. Find a new job. Get healthy. (My stomach is seriously not bouncing back as well this time) I'm so thankful for this site.
I know this vent sounds like a pity party, and it is... but it is literally my actual Birthday today so I'm just feeling low.
Thanks for "listening"
J
It's at night time (it's night time here) when I look over at the empty side of my bed that feels the worst.
I don't feel like I want to drink. I just dislike being alone. I've never been alone.
I did make some good strides by boxing up anything that reminds me of him. I've had a few crying jags but really only indulged in that for up to one minute. (It's easy to wrap it up if you're counting at the same time)
I am grateful that he's definitely ignited a spark for me to get sober again...and it wasn't really working out for last 6 months.
I seriously cannot wait to get back to AA tomorrow. Find a new job. Get healthy. (My stomach is seriously not bouncing back as well this time) I'm so thankful for this site.
I know this vent sounds like a pity party, and it is... but it is literally my actual Birthday today so I'm just feeling low.
Thanks for "listening"
J
"jags" if I had to guess yins spent some time in the Pittsburgh area.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: North East, USA
Posts: 704
Thank you all.
I'm better today. I started to think about how he handled it (via text) and some of the things he said we're really low. And also how when I was sober he would really mess up and be incapable of apologizing. Sometimes I think he liked me better sick. Then I always got to be wrong and he was never accountable.
Then I realized; I'm taking his inventory. I need to let it go & focus on myself. I learned something!!
He served his purpose. I was loved again after my divorce for a solid two years. It was not ever going to work out anyway. We are socially on different planets. Grew up very different. Intelectually compatible, but not much else.
I'm grateful for the experience and will leave it at that. Gratitude and keeping my eye solely on my own inventory.
Thanks again all,
J
I'm better today. I started to think about how he handled it (via text) and some of the things he said we're really low. And also how when I was sober he would really mess up and be incapable of apologizing. Sometimes I think he liked me better sick. Then I always got to be wrong and he was never accountable.
Then I realized; I'm taking his inventory. I need to let it go & focus on myself. I learned something!!
He served his purpose. I was loved again after my divorce for a solid two years. It was not ever going to work out anyway. We are socially on different planets. Grew up very different. Intelectually compatible, but not much else.
I'm grateful for the experience and will leave it at that. Gratitude and keeping my eye solely on my own inventory.
Thanks again all,
J
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