Jules714

Hello All,
I'm back. Been in and out of hospital for last couple weeks. Again I got to about 30 days and just bargained that I could get drink once more. Yea, no.
I hope you are all well.
J

Doug39

A famous saying at AA is "I may have one more drunk in me but maybe not one more recovery".

Jules714

Very true.
I cannot keep doing this to myself. I felt the pancreatitis coming back on. I wasn't eating for days. Infact I finally just got some toast down today. Think I last ate on Sunday.
The pangs of anxiety are enough to drive anyone absolutely insane.
Thankfully it was not that bad of a withdrawl...that's a gift I don't deserve.
I hate the withdrawl meds...but I hate the drinking more. Just have to get back to my meetings all day and go back to work. The isolating and being so in my head drive me give up and drink.
Just an insidious disease.
THNX,
J

Ghostlight1

Hang in there. I've been there. Sometimes we reach a point where things will get better. It's never too late to change your life.
Best to you.

Dee74

Have you thought what you might do differently this time, Jules?

D

Jules714

Thank you.
No Dee I haven't a clue...suggestions??
Probably really work the steps.
J

PhoenixJ

Jules- for the 'do you want to end up like this guy?', read my story. Just go to the threads- mine, 'do not want to share this'.
Positives for you..you are alive, you have an awareness that drinking is crap and you posted here. Meetings help me- even if just to get me out of my comfortable isolated existence. I share, learn and grow. I choose what I take on board. I also see a counsellor- regularly (weekly at the mo)- for the every day stuff- the little hassles which stop me growing emotionally (which ,as far s I am concerned is my biggest challenge). I see a psychologist- probably every 2-3 months, to work on long term stuff- past and future.
Lastly- I have a GP- for physical health. Then there is journaling (a practical way to keep track of goals, lists, feelings on reflection). I paint a lot- a way to vent, to express and by this process I learn where I am at. So impatient, angry brush strokes with lots of red and balck...probably not in a good place and I know to redouble my efforts on finding peace...through probasbly the most important- mindful breathing/meditation. Not sitting statue still for hours chanting 'om'. Just quick check-ins mostly- 4 braths in, hold for 7, breathe out for 8. This reminds myself I cannot control anything which is not me. That I cannot change the past or predict the future. That living in that /this moment is all I will ever have. Finally no matter how slow, how hard or how little I seem to grow- I just do stuff. ANYTHING is better than chemical oblivion.

thomas11

Jules, are you in a position to take advantage of an inpatient treatment program? Maybe you could learn the skills needed to not keep doing harm to yourself with alcohol.

tomsteve

let me change that a bit for you:
" really work the steps."

suggestions?
go to meetings. get phone. numbers and the big book. READ the big book.pray( to whatever HP you may believe in that can help you). go to meetings. find a sponsor. read the big book. call them phone numbers BEFORE you drink( a drink starts long before the elbow bends). pray.
start working the steps with the guidance of a sponsor.
use those phone numbers before you drink( a drink starts long before the elbow bends).pray.

and before that, id suggest surrender, then want to be sober and willing to do whatever ya have to do to get and stay sober.

post here,too!