Mizzuno's Recovery From Alcoholism Thread
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Thank You, 2ndhandrose!
I had to work the late shift last night. Inventory. Usually inventory would involve the abusive manager and her control over every little detail. Last night I was able to get it all done without fear and without judgement. It felt relieving.
I woke up this morning feeling hungover. Head pounding. My throat is a bit of mess. I think I may be coming down with something?
It feels really good in my heart to know that I am not actually hungover but just not physically feeling all that good. I have to go into work today and train a new employee. Im not really feeling up to par and being around the community might make me feel worse. I am an adult and I can handle this!
Its a bit draining to work until midnight and then turn around and go back to work. This type of scheduling only happens during Inventory time but work lately has been overly stressful. Ive been running my department on a staff of one and trying to keep it all afloat with a smile. 4 weeks in and I am starting to show signs of weakness....... like the ship is sinking. Training a new person when there is too much work to do already is daunting. Soon enough my full time side kick will be back and everything will normalize. We run the department on two full time employees and one part time. For almost a month it has only been me and my super hero powers. Thank the GODS for Super Hero Capes and Super Hero Powers!
I am sober and I am grateful. Okay..... off to earn some money and to get through it.
I had to work the late shift last night. Inventory. Usually inventory would involve the abusive manager and her control over every little detail. Last night I was able to get it all done without fear and without judgement. It felt relieving.
I woke up this morning feeling hungover. Head pounding. My throat is a bit of mess. I think I may be coming down with something?
It feels really good in my heart to know that I am not actually hungover but just not physically feeling all that good. I have to go into work today and train a new employee. Im not really feeling up to par and being around the community might make me feel worse. I am an adult and I can handle this!
Its a bit draining to work until midnight and then turn around and go back to work. This type of scheduling only happens during Inventory time but work lately has been overly stressful. Ive been running my department on a staff of one and trying to keep it all afloat with a smile. 4 weeks in and I am starting to show signs of weakness....... like the ship is sinking. Training a new person when there is too much work to do already is daunting. Soon enough my full time side kick will be back and everything will normalize. We run the department on two full time employees and one part time. For almost a month it has only been me and my super hero powers. Thank the GODS for Super Hero Capes and Super Hero Powers!
I am sober and I am grateful. Okay..... off to earn some money and to get through it.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
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Originally Posted by Mizzuno 
Kaneda,
Forgive my manners and self absorbtion!
Congrats on the new job!!! I hear a bit of nervousness there but if it is something you are passionate about and utilizes your core skills, I have no doubt you will surpass all expectations. This is great news to hear today.
I like how you have a healthy perspective with both companies and you are able to see your capabilities and from my perspective "Be the best that you can be" ......
And, it is about being able to contribute the most value to a company. It is about peoples strengths and utilizing those strengths while allowing a person to grow in their weaknesses. I need to think about this more.
Onward and Upward. I hope you are well too!
Forgive my manners and self absorbtion!
Congrats on the new job!!! I hear a bit of nervousness there but if it is something you are passionate about and utilizes your core skills, I have no doubt you will surpass all expectations. This is great news to hear today.
I like how you have a healthy perspective with both companies and you are able to see your capabilities and from my perspective "Be the best that you can be" ......
And, it is about being able to contribute the most value to a company. It is about peoples strengths and utilizing those strengths while allowing a person to grow in their weaknesses. I need to think about this more.
Onward and Upward. I hope you are well too!
Yes, a little bit nervous as its a senior role which I havent held since I got sober. But I am super excited about the role and the company. they all hit the sweet spot.At the least, the email has re-opened your mind to exploring opportunities. In that way, it has enabled some introspection of your career path. A healthy exercise.
Talking about exercise. I like your routine. It sounds like an interesting combination. I have done functional training and HIIT before which is exhausting but quite satisfying. Hmmm, maybe time to check that out too !
Make sure you get plenty of rest, mentally and physically. Also, beware of HALT, that nasty devil waiting to pounce....
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Im up and down these days. Work schedule has been all over the place and I am treading water.
Im tired and a bit worn out.
I may be a bit emotional over all the confusion with work. Nothing changes if nothing changes. AND...... nothing is changing.
I had a moment with my superior the other day that was unprofessional. This does not sit well with me. His lack of attention to matters and being able to listen has frustrated me beyond belief. He told me he didnt appreciate my attitude and I said "Well, I dont really appreciate you right now!" ........and then I was thinking "Did that really come out of my mouth?" .........Middle fingers up metaphorically.
If I was given the proper staffing and tools to succeed then I would not be frustrated. That being said, I am not given support when I need it and I am working too hard. Listening and implementing go a long way. Lets just turn our heads and hope that Mizzuno will make it out of this **** storm without offering staffing and without offering support. I did let the head manager know that his management team has failed the area I work in and its unacceptable. Am I on my way to finding a new job? I dont know. Will they try to replace me? I dont know. I cant worry about it. I will put my best foot forward today.
Enough about that. It wont lead me to drink.
I feel like a basket case.
Exercise program is going good. Im at it daily.
Im starting to come to a place where I dont have to think about recovery so much. I am just recovering. I haven't gotten there fully. Its just moments. As I build on time, I see what is changing mentally and what is not. I am adjusting rather well to not drinking and I have no intentions whatsoever of going back to Hellville. I don't want to. My former toxic self can go jump off a cliff.
Thats the update. Not peppy. Im not really all that happy. I will let myself be. Tupac said it best "Ya gotta keep ya head up!"
Im tired and a bit worn out.
I may be a bit emotional over all the confusion with work. Nothing changes if nothing changes. AND...... nothing is changing.
I had a moment with my superior the other day that was unprofessional. This does not sit well with me. His lack of attention to matters and being able to listen has frustrated me beyond belief. He told me he didnt appreciate my attitude and I said "Well, I dont really appreciate you right now!" ........and then I was thinking "Did that really come out of my mouth?" .........Middle fingers up metaphorically.
If I was given the proper staffing and tools to succeed then I would not be frustrated. That being said, I am not given support when I need it and I am working too hard. Listening and implementing go a long way. Lets just turn our heads and hope that Mizzuno will make it out of this **** storm without offering staffing and without offering support. I did let the head manager know that his management team has failed the area I work in and its unacceptable. Am I on my way to finding a new job? I dont know. Will they try to replace me? I dont know. I cant worry about it. I will put my best foot forward today.
Enough about that. It wont lead me to drink.
I feel like a basket case.
Exercise program is going good. Im at it daily.
Im starting to come to a place where I dont have to think about recovery so much. I am just recovering. I haven't gotten there fully. Its just moments. As I build on time, I see what is changing mentally and what is not. I am adjusting rather well to not drinking and I have no intentions whatsoever of going back to Hellville. I don't want to. My former toxic self can go jump off a cliff.
Thats the update. Not peppy. Im not really all that happy. I will let myself be. Tupac said it best "Ya gotta keep ya head up!"
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I have The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. Have had it for 9 or 10 years. Other books have come and gone, still have that one. Haven't read it yet. Don't know why I haven't given it away when I gave away so many others, read and unread.
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Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth
I have The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. Have had it for 9 or 10 years. Other books have come and gone, still have that one. Haven't read it yet. Don't know why I haven't given it away when I gave away so many others, read and unread.
Give it a minute of your time and if it doesn't suite you then you know you can let it go
.....or not. It seems like it it meant to be with you after having it for a decade.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
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Hey Mizz
Re your supervisor, the classical Buddhist teaching, as far as I understand it, would be to have gratitude towards him. Grateful in that he is exposing the limits of your compassion and patience. Whilst that is easy to say, it is definitely not easy to follow ! Having said that, practicing patience and tolerance with both yourself and your supervisor is worthwhile. This is for your peace of mind.
We all have limits in terms of cognitive load and if there are too many tasks, then one stops processing and looks for short answers. That may be the case here. In any case, you have reported to senior management and hopefully they will take action. As Shantideva said: if there is a problem within your control, then take action. There is no point in worrying. If the problem is not within your control, then there is nothing you can do. There is no point in worrying !
Take care
Re your supervisor, the classical Buddhist teaching, as far as I understand it, would be to have gratitude towards him. Grateful in that he is exposing the limits of your compassion and patience. Whilst that is easy to say, it is definitely not easy to follow ! Having said that, practicing patience and tolerance with both yourself and your supervisor is worthwhile. This is for your peace of mind.
We all have limits in terms of cognitive load and if there are too many tasks, then one stops processing and looks for short answers. That may be the case here. In any case, you have reported to senior management and hopefully they will take action. As Shantideva said: if there is a problem within your control, then take action. There is no point in worrying. If the problem is not within your control, then there is nothing you can do. There is no point in worrying !
Take care
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Originally Posted by Kaneda8888
Hey Mizz
Re your supervisor, the classical Buddhist teaching, as far as I understand it, would be to have gratitude towards him. Grateful in that he is exposing the limits of your compassion and patience. Whilst that is easy to say, it is definitely not easy to follow ! Having said that, practicing patience and tolerance with both yourself and your supervisor is worthwhile. This is for your peace of mind.
We all have limits in terms of cognitive load and if there are too many tasks, then one stops processing and looks for short answers. That may be the case here. In any case, you have reported to senior management and hopefully they will take action. As Shantideva said: if there is a problem within your control, then take action. There is no point in worrying. If the problem is not within your control, then there is nothing you can do. There is no point in worrying !
Take care
Re your supervisor, the classical Buddhist teaching, as far as I understand it, would be to have gratitude towards him. Grateful in that he is exposing the limits of your compassion and patience. Whilst that is easy to say, it is definitely not easy to follow ! Having said that, practicing patience and tolerance with both yourself and your supervisor is worthwhile. This is for your peace of mind.
We all have limits in terms of cognitive load and if there are too many tasks, then one stops processing and looks for short answers. That may be the case here. In any case, you have reported to senior management and hopefully they will take action. As Shantideva said: if there is a problem within your control, then take action. There is no point in worrying. If the problem is not within your control, then there is nothing you can do. There is no point in worrying !
Take care
The one emotion that has come up over the last few weeks is anger. I dont understand its purpose? Its not an emotion that I work well with. Anger takes over and then I dont know how to remove it? Im learning more about myself right now than I really want to be learning. Let the light shine!
The problem is not in my control no matter what. I can only ask for what, in my estimation, is needed and see what happens from there.
This is the real work. The drinking only stopped me from growing. Thanks for your reply. I get to think differently about this. Learn new skills, leave what doesnt serve a purpose behind.
Figuring it all out..... not really. I dont think we are supposed to.
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Originally Posted by sugarbear1
anger can be fear. can you take a closer look at your fears (angers)?
In regards to the work situation:
The expectation to work a department on 39 hrs when it requires 120 is outlandish.
I fear that my work will fall a part. It has to a certain degree.
I fear being replaced
I fear that with my frustrations and voicing those frustrations that it will lead to termination
I am in fear that this will never change (as hours are cut constantly and we are given circular messages that contradict)
I fear that I am not going to be able to continually handle the chaos any longer.
I fear becoming despondent in my work. I love what I do. I love to help others and to be creative. I am watching the overload of entry level tasks take over and I have a hard time juggling my job and the other 2 co workers job.
I fear that in my line of work there is nothing in my area that will pay me as well if I choose to move on.
I fear failure.
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Friday night and I couldn't be more grateful to be sober.
I have been waking in the mornings with gratitude that I am healthy. Gratitude that I am no longer hurting from alcohol on all levels. I mean, I really did myself in over the last year. It was quite the battle everyday, week and month and I just couldnt handle myself or anything anymore.
The last drinking episode was enough.
Work has eased a bit. I am grateful for that. Life is moving into a positive direction once again.
I got the email response to meet about a different position. The time and place are set. I just need to prepare now. List of questions. Print out the necessary info for qualifications. I can do this.
Its exciting to look ahead and think about my future.
Its exciting to see that I do not crave alcohol. I am recovering. Recovering. I like this word.
Recovering from myself and my life style choices. Recovering from something that consumed me.
I have been waking in the mornings with gratitude that I am healthy. Gratitude that I am no longer hurting from alcohol on all levels. I mean, I really did myself in over the last year. It was quite the battle everyday, week and month and I just couldnt handle myself or anything anymore.
The last drinking episode was enough.
Work has eased a bit. I am grateful for that. Life is moving into a positive direction once again.
I got the email response to meet about a different position. The time and place are set. I just need to prepare now. List of questions. Print out the necessary info for qualifications. I can do this.
Its exciting to look ahead and think about my future.
Its exciting to see that I do not crave alcohol. I am recovering. Recovering. I like this word.
Recovering from myself and my life style choices. Recovering from something that consumed me.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,021
Great to hear about the email. Clearly they have thought about you and value your skills and experience. I am sure you are doing all the right prep work !
I've suffered a lot from personal insecurity. The classic alcoholic dilemma of big ego and low self esteem. That self esteem has gradually come back much like the AA twelve promises. Its not being arrogant, cocky or full of oneself but rather a more serene and firmer belief in one's place in the world. That I can be of value to others.
The last one to eventuate is economic insecurity. I am not sure if it ever goes away completely but certainly does not cause as much anxiety as the early days of my sobriety. Its more that I believe I can figure out problems if and when they arise rather than having the answer already.
I sense that is what you are going through. My two cents is to be patient with yourself. Your discovery of how valuable you truly are will unfold over time. Keep going Mizz !
I've suffered a lot from personal insecurity. The classic alcoholic dilemma of big ego and low self esteem. That self esteem has gradually come back much like the AA twelve promises. Its not being arrogant, cocky or full of oneself but rather a more serene and firmer belief in one's place in the world. That I can be of value to others.
The last one to eventuate is economic insecurity. I am not sure if it ever goes away completely but certainly does not cause as much anxiety as the early days of my sobriety. Its more that I believe I can figure out problems if and when they arise rather than having the answer already.
I sense that is what you are going through. My two cents is to be patient with yourself. Your discovery of how valuable you truly are will unfold over time. Keep going Mizz !
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Originally Posted by Kaneda8888
Great to hear about the email. Clearly they have thought about you and value your skills and experience. I am sure you are doing all the right prep work !
I've suffered a lot from personal insecurity. The classic alcoholic dilemma of big ego and low self esteem. That self esteem has gradually come back much like the AA twelve promises. Its not being arrogant, cocky or full of oneself but rather a more serene and firmer belief in one's place in the world. That I can be of value to others.
The last one to eventuate is economic insecurity. I am not sure if it ever goes away completely but certainly does not cause as much anxiety as the early days of my sobriety. Its more that I believe I can figure out problems if and when they arise rather than having the answer already.
I sense that is what you are going through. My two cents is to be patient with yourself. Your discovery of how valuable you truly are will unfold over time. Keep going Mizz !
I've suffered a lot from personal insecurity. The classic alcoholic dilemma of big ego and low self esteem. That self esteem has gradually come back much like the AA twelve promises. Its not being arrogant, cocky or full of oneself but rather a more serene and firmer belief in one's place in the world. That I can be of value to others.
The last one to eventuate is economic insecurity. I am not sure if it ever goes away completely but certainly does not cause as much anxiety as the early days of my sobriety. Its more that I believe I can figure out problems if and when they arise rather than having the answer already.
I sense that is what you are going through. My two cents is to be patient with yourself. Your discovery of how valuable you truly are will unfold over time. Keep going Mizz !
I did it! I interviewed for the position and I nailed it. The group was so impressed with my qualifications and my skill set that they gave me more than I asked for to do the job. The package that they presented to me is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I cannot believe this has taken place. I basically doubled my salary and even knocked off a few bills in the process.
How amazing is that?
Now, the response that I am receiving from my current employer is one that saddens me. Upper Management is being critical and I was even told by the owner " Your not going to find what you are looking for with them" ....... Of course this statement was due to sadness and the knowing that they have lost a valuable key player in their business.
I was asked if they failed me in some way. I told him my perspective and I let it be. I cannot change my mind. I would be a fool to pass up this opportunity. I have a chance to help an established business grow in certain areas. I am very very excited and I cannot let and will not let anyone kill this.......Not even myself.
I am still sober and still moving forward. This opportunity would of never happened had I still continued to drink. I know this from the depths of my being.
I did it. They believe in me. They see my worth and I do to. I did this on my own. WOW!
I now need to wrap up my job and then move on to build something amazing. It will be amazing. It will be challenging. It will be whatever I make it. Ive got a lot of work to do.
It just feels so damn good.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
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Originally Posted by Mizzuno
.
I did it. They believe in me. They see my worth and I do to. I did this on my own. WOW!
I did it. They believe in me. They see my worth and I do to. I did this on my own. WOW!
Congratulations!!!!!!
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Thank You all for the positive messages.
I want to say that I am through the roof with excitement at the moment but I am not. I have been sobbing like a little kid for hours now. I will assume the emotional upheaval is from closing one door and opening another.
At the moment I am not strong, but I know myself and I will rise to the occasion for this new adventure. I looked around at my work today and I thought to myself " You really have made something beautiful. Eye catching displays. Color everywhere. Everything in order. Its ready for the community." I was breathing in the work and absorbing that I will walk away from it. This created an immense amount of sadness and an emotional upheaval that felt like I had been holding it in for ever. I walked to my car and cried and have been crying since I got off work at 5pm.
I am deeply connected to this job. Too connected. It needs to be work and not my life.
Its heavy.
Tomorrow is a new day and I will carry on in sobriety. In love. In light. Shedding some heavy emotions is good for the soul.
I want to say that I am through the roof with excitement at the moment but I am not. I have been sobbing like a little kid for hours now. I will assume the emotional upheaval is from closing one door and opening another.
At the moment I am not strong, but I know myself and I will rise to the occasion for this new adventure. I looked around at my work today and I thought to myself " You really have made something beautiful. Eye catching displays. Color everywhere. Everything in order. Its ready for the community." I was breathing in the work and absorbing that I will walk away from it. This created an immense amount of sadness and an emotional upheaval that felt like I had been holding it in for ever. I walked to my car and cried and have been crying since I got off work at 5pm.
I am deeply connected to this job. Too connected. It needs to be work and not my life.
Its heavy.
Tomorrow is a new day and I will carry on in sobriety. In love. In light. Shedding some heavy emotions is good for the soul.
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