eve123

Dealing with narssisitic people is hard. But got me thinking am I one? I know I'm an alcoholic n addict but some people in my world seem to be so cold n narssistic that u can't cope. How do u knew w if it's me or them? Don't know that's the problem. Just thought I'd share xx

SteelRes211

I find that there are a lot of narcissistic people now that I'm working on staying sober because my mind is clearer and not blinded by the alcohol.

There are a lot of good folks here!

tomsteve

"How do u knew w if it's me or them?'

therapy

Berrybean

When active in my alcoholism, and when sober but without recovery I placed myself very much as my own focus point. Everything was about how it affected ME. And if others were busy getting on with their own lives then I took that as them being cold, uncaring, and self-centred. Why couldn't they just stop being so self-centred and think about ME!!
Now I can look back and laugh at my own childishness back then I've heard it said that our emotional development stops around the age our drinking started, and that would fit in with the fact that I was definitely stroppy and selfish like your average 15 year old. I now know that it is when I make my perspective wider and outward looking rather than smaller and inward looking that I can see the love that exists around me, and feel gratitude for the blessings I have in my life, and find the peace that was lacking for decades. As far as narcissistic ? I don't know. Self-obsessed certainly. Selfish. Yep. Emotionally unavailable. Ohhhh yes. But these are all things that occur in addiction and can be addressed by working on our recovery. Perhaps a non addict with the same attitude might be doing it because they're a narcissist. Or perhaps they have been damaged by life in some way that makes them fearful of getting close to someone, or maybe, maybe , maybe....

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

Ken33xx

Narcissistic Personality Inventory: Narcissism Test

MachinistGuy

That test isn't really very helpful, you only get to choose between two polar opposites of thinking, with no middle ground.
I gave up because I couldn't answer most of the questions.

Ken33xx

Are You A Narcissist?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yY2m29o2Gc

Fly N Buy

Disagree with someone and see how they react. That's a pretty good measure of their state of being.

MachinistGuy

I suppose I have a dog in this race because during my dysfunctional 26 year marriage I would constantly be accused of narcissism - especially whenever I made any effort to inject some normality into the relationship.

I used to make selfish " it's all about me " kind of ridiculous demands such as spending one evening or afternoon a week doing something together as a couple.

Her idea of a narcissist was someone who wasn't willing to take orders from her. She used the label like a stick to beat me with, and eventually after a number of years you find yourself questioning your own motivations.
Am I REALLY like that ?

I asked myself " If you are a narcissist then why do you shy away from compliments, why do you lack confidence ? " and that was a realisation which led to the beginning of the end of our marriage.

Which of course ended up with me moving back to my country of birth, taking refuge in a bottle of vodka and destroying my liver...

NYCDoglvr

Actually Bill Wilson describes alcoholics as "self-centered in the extreme" so while drinking we resemble narcissists. Getting sober and doing the 12 Steps helps counter this tendency. Instead of focusing on others and taking their inventory it is better to look at my own words and actions.