laur24

Hey all,

It's 5am on a Saturday over here and I can't sleep.
I've been stewing over a dilemma I have.
After 6 months sober, I have finally found meetings that I love. I feel so connected, I found my sponsor at these meetings- I just love them. My problem is that they're at 9am M-F. I haven't had a job for 8 months now and I'm finally getting back into looking. I'm lucky in that I have a really great resume- as such, I get around 2 interviews per week, and I feel like I'm going to get a job any day now. I even had a job offer, but I turned it down because it wasn't the right fit.
When I first got sober, my main priority was financial security, and getting my life back to where it was before(financially).
Now that I've finally found a meeting that I like, I'm so reluctant to give it up. And before I found these 9am meetings, I was rarely going to meetings. I'm worried about my sobriety if I were to start taking a full time job again. I'd discuss with my sponsor, but she wasn't available yesterday, and I talked with a sober sister, but I still have so much anxiety.
Im also $20k in debt due to my reckless behavior while drinking and using. I just want an answer on what I should do! I have 3 interviews next week and I haven't been able to sleep with this anxiety!

TL;DR I'm in debt, need a full time job, finally found a meeting I really like, but it's during work hours.

sugarbear1

If you have a sponsor, work through those 12 steps, quickly, for relief.

Step work saved my life, not a meeting.

In the big book, it lets us know that meetings exist so the newcomer may find us (then they can find a sponsor).

I wasn't working the first year of my sobriety, but that didn't stop me from sending out a lot of resumes!

Each of us is on a different journey with the same destination: staying stopped!!

Breathe deeply, relax, and call your sponsor to find out when you can get through those steps!

VigilanceNow

Hey Laur!! Welcome. The financial instability may seem like it's at the forefront, but it's not. Your sobriety is. Keep in mind that any time that sobriety slips, other things fall.

Please take a step back and be patient with yourself. I've been in debt because of drinking. I've​ also ignored debts because of drinking. I absolutely had to get sober before I could do anything. I still struggle sometimes, but I know that is the key to my success.

Try yoga!! You seem like a smart girl with some solid goals. Try yoga just to get in touch with yourself and and your body and the world. I guarantee you will feel more peaceful and centered afterwards!!! :-)

laur24

Thanks sugar bear! I'm on Step 2, and when I couldn't sleep, I started working on it- figured I might as well!

It's been difficult to hit the "pause button". I just want immediate answers and immediate relief. I know that's part of the disease.

laur24

Thanks VigilanceNow! That's my main dilemma. I know sobriety is my first priority. I don't trust myself at this stage in my sobriety to know the difference between what I need vs. what I want.

I had such great credit before my drinking and using got me into debt. Without a job though, I'm thinking of declaring bankruptcy! I'm not wanting to give up that good credit though. But I simply have no more money to pay my bills.

So I'm thinking, "do I really need a job, or is it my ego wanting me to be able to tell people I have an 800 score on credit?" With that route, id need a full time job, but I don't know how it would affect my sobriety, if at all. Maybe I'd find a meeting at nights that I enjoy, but after 6 months of looking, I don't think it's likely.

Or do I go with part-time job, declare bankruptcy, and have just enough to pay for the minimum bills (health insurance, cell phone,etc) and then still be able to go to the meeting I really enjoy?

I feel like the answer should be obvious, but I have people telling me that it's not sustainable, and I'm 27, and need a full-time job.

Berrybean

Well, perhaps you could start attending other meetings as well as your 9am ones. That way, if someone offers you a good job it won't be so scary not being able to go to the 9am ones. Part of our work in recovery is taking responsibility and clearing up the wreckage of our past, and that includes paying off our debts.

If you don't want to be working 9 to 5 there will no doubt be jobs you can apply for that work night shifts or middles (afternoon into early evening).

In the meantime I'd suggest cracking on with your step work and developing your relationship with both your sponsor and your higher power so you can hand this stuff over rather than lay away letting it all whirl around your head.
Step 2 and 3 are quite straightforward and are best not overcomplicating anyway.

BB

laur24

Yes, definitely! That's another facet of this. I feel the guilt of having to declare bankruptcy or letting my accounts go to collections.


Thank you. I'm trying to do the right thing. You're right, I need to get out of my head and step work will help with that. I've been in my head for years that it's uncomfortable to learn new ways of coping.

Dave42001

Great work on 6 months!!

laur24

Thanks Dave!

Dee74

Welcome to SR Laur

D

tomsteve

yes, part of the spiritual disease- the spiritual malady the big book mentions quite often.
and there IS a solution!
its in the steps, which here are the 10th step promises:

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alchol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If temted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the MIRACLE of it. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.


meetings are great!! but going to meetings and not drinking dont treat alcoholism- working the steps does.

i can relate somewhat to whats going on with ya. i had a major fear that if i didnt go to meetings, i would drink again. i started living a fear based life. and the program isnt centered on living a fear based life( idk about you, but i lived a fear based life up until i got into AA. i didnt see that until i did the 4th step).
however, i worked the steps, read the big book, prayed like crazy, and started practicing the principles in my life outside of meetings.
i have recovered from the seemingly hopeless state of body and mind that made me drink. staying recovered is based on the maintainence of my spiritual condition.

you can have that happen,too, laur! you can have ALL of the promises of the program materialize for you.


good on ya for 6 months!!
it probably would be wise to stop draggin your feet on the steps.
is your sponsor doing anything with the steps with you? has your sponsor been mentioning the importance of the steps? been explaining them?

another question:
whats the format of the meeting you like? is it program and solution centered?

lunahunt

I was told... if things aren't happening fast enough then slow down.
As was stated, that doesn't mean to slow down on the steps. For the alcoholic, the problem can be removed (see step 10 BigBook).
Had you considered the other meetings might be even better? To look back at what I had is living in the past not in the NOW.

laur24

Thank you!
I just got my sponsor a little over a week ago- I have been consumed with fear like you mentioned, and I was putting off getting one. I was so afraid of the 4th step.
I haven't had her that long, but she really goes over the book with me, she has me call her every day. She also has me reading pages 1-164 of the big book (I'm on Chapter 6 right now). I'm also learning to pray.
I'm struggling on Step 2 I think. I've never felt any connection to God. I read Chapter 4, but I don't know how to suddenly believe in a higher power.

The meeting I like is a short speaker/discussion meeting. On the Friday one I go to, we read 'As Bill Sees It' and have a speaker/discussion type format. I like that all the speakers have some time, so there is a lot of solution in their shares.

The meetings I had been going to previously all had speakers with under 6 months sobriety.. often 60 and 90 day speakers. Those were all the evening meetings in my city.

So I started going to meetings in another city where I used to live in the mornings, and I love them.

laur24

I definitely need to get through these steps. I'm struggling on step 2, but I don't want to not do it correctly.

In the beginning I was looking back on the vacations I used to take, the full-time job, the money... now I'm just enjoying being able to go to morning meetings, meeting up with my sponsor after for tea and going over the BB and steps.

My priorities have shifted and now I just want to make morning meetings be my routine, but I know we all have to work. I'm sure everyone would love to wake up at 8am and go to a meeting, and sit at a cafe after.

I haven't considered that. I have gone to almost every meeting in my area (except the men's lol), but you just made me think about potential evening meetings in whatever city I end up working in. That gives me hope!

Doug39

I have a similar problem. I have been out of work ever since I got sober 8 months ago and all the AA meetings I go to are in the mornings or at lunchtime.

I need to get back to work - my wife is getting on my back.

I have made friends at AA and most of them are older people who are retired or work night shifts.

I know it is only a matter of time until I have to work during the day and then attend night meetings. I may not see my current friends as much but God will place me where I need to be, when I need to be there.