Starting out
 

Hi! Long time lurker here :)

Today I decided to become sober. I'm not a daily drinker, but once I start I have no control. I'm an absolutely blingerent drunk and I do the most ridiculous things. Yesterday, for instance, I spent my afternoon drinking wine from the bottle, doing lines of coke, while playing music incredibly loudly, dancing in front my window provocatively so all my neighbours could see! I live in a block of flats overlooked by another block of flats... so I'd imagine many people saw me. Cringeeee. I'd been getting on it since Friday evening. None of this is unusual behaviour for me - when I drink, this is just what happens.

But I'm lucky. I have a supportive boyfriend, lovely parents and I've never been arrested or lost any friendships. But it would only be a matter of time. I don't want to go down that path.

I've tried sobriety before but always slip up because I convince myself that I don't have a problem. But I'm sick of having to relearn that lesson over and over again: alcohol does not agree with me! I will never be able to drink normally. Sad, but there are worse problems to have than not being able to drink ethanol!

So now IM DONE! I'm going to stick it out this time. I look forward to sharing more of my story with you all and finding out more about yours!

Day 1. Whoop!!

Good to have you join us Striving - welcome! :)

D

Thanks Dee! I'm an avid reader of the forum but this time I want to activity participate. Hopefully this will assist me staying on the straight and narrow by holding me to account :)

Good for you, striving!! I'm the same way - there simply is not middle ground or moderation for me. It's all or nothing. I was sad at first too; I remember feeling like I was abnormal and like I'd lost part of my life. But people often say in here that by not drinking, you're not losing anything, you're gaining a new life!

I would suggest making a plan now that is feasible for your life. The thing about alcoholism is that making the mental decision to stop really isn't enough (never was for me) because we quickly forget how bad it is once a bit of time passes. There are probably AA meetings where you live - get to one today! :-)

Thanks :) I've never been to an AA meeting but I will try to get to one today! Although I do have a stonking hangover so I might not be well enough. I will commit to going to a meeting in the next two days though.

I called my mum and admitted my problem to her this morning, it was a very difficult call, but a necessary one. Now, if I ever drink again, she will know that I've fallen off the wagon. I can't pretend I don't have a problem if she knows! That's the idea anyway...

I am very scared of doing a few months sober then convincing myself I don't have a problem.

I'm really glad to hear you're conscious of that as a possibility! I believe that was what led to all my relapsed; feeling like ok, I controlled it for this long so now I must be able to drink in moderation. I'd sometimes even reward myself for remaining sober for a period with a drink - how sick is that!! Writing down how you feel right now will hopefully help you to remember the agony of the aftermath of binging. The alcoholic voice in you will want to drink again - that's why it's good to have a plan and someone to call who can talk you through it. Keep up your enthusiasm, it's great!!

I was quite overwhelmed with the prospect of never drinking again. I started stressing about holidays, birthdays, parties... I'm sure you can relate.

I found taking it one day at a time very helpful. Getting through 24 hours seemed a lot easier than a lifetime.

I'm happy you've joined SR! The support and valuable tips here helped me immensely on my road to sobriety.

Welcome to SR, striving!

Thanks Madbird and Opivotal! I'm sorry to report that i chickened out of my first AA meeting though! I walked two miles to get there, got lost in the hospital, then backed out right at the last minute! When I got to the door, I just felt like I was going to breakdown and cry then and there. maybe that needs to happen, maybe it's part of the process. But the thought of showing my emotions to a load of people I don't know absolutely terrified me. I'm going to try again tomorrow.

On the plus side, I didn't drink today :)

Welcome!

That's a big PLUS! I hear lots of people struggle with that initial meeting, getting through the door. However you decide to process your sobriety is good, once you begin to feel better physically it gets easier to live healthier. Great job.:c011:

Welcome aboard. I was once in your shoes, drinking by myself, doing lines, and blasting obnoxious music (and dancing like a moron). It's no way to live. The constant guilt and embarrassment, and even though you have not destroyed the relationships yet, trust me when I say that is ultimately where it leads.

You can turn that life around, there are a lot of success stories here. You may need to make big changes, including those you surround yourself with. It starts with the willingness to change though.

Happy to meet you, Striving! SR helped me quit a 30 yr. drinking nightmare. The encouragement & friendship made all the difference. Congrats on your Day 1.

welcome striving4
Glad you've decided to join us. You'll find the support here amazing. Hope you keep posting. John

Welcome-

I too always convinced myself I wasn't an alcoholic but just someone that just drank a lot. It was the dry heaves in the morning that convinced me otherwise. Finally admitting my drinking obsession to a select few was a great weight off my back, things do get better fast. Hang in there.

welcome, striving,
Yes, participating and being actively engaged made a huge difference for me.
way to go on showing up!

Thanks everyone for your responses. I feel very welcome here!

Day 2 now and back at work. Feeling a bit rubbish but good to get back to normality. I'm going to go to the AA meeting near my house tonight, no excuses. Even if I blub all the way through it :scared:

Welcome!

Good for you for "Trying again" tonight for that first meeting (not sure the time difference so you may already be towards night) - and it TRULY does not matter if you cry, at all or throughout or anything!

Keep with us.

Welcome

Hope the meeting went well Striving :)

D