I didn't think I had a problem...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1
I didn't think I had a problem...
I'm going to be honest here, perhaps for the 1st time ever.
I was arrested for DWI in September of 2016, on my birthday (what a gift!), after totaling my vehicle by smashing into a telephone pole. A few glasses of wine after working my shift at the restaurant and boom, my lucky streak had ended. I had driven drunk many times before, and luckily I had never hurt anyone or myself. To say I deserved this one would be an understatement. After how many times I had gotten away with it, I definitely felt that the "time" (or fines & suspension, rather) fit the crime. With a decent lawyer who my parents paid for and no previous criminal record, I was able to get it reduced to a DWAI with a 90 day license suspension. My parents and husband also helped me put a down payment on a brand new vehicle. I was temporarily suspended from my job substitute teaching, but I was lucky enough to have a 2nd job at a fine dining restaurant where the money is good enough to keep me afloat. Now, I understand how lucky I am even though I will complain about money troubles. I have family that can afford to bail me out (figuratively in this case.) My personal finances weren't in great shape to begin with, and they're still in rough shape. My $750 fine hasn't even been paid yet...
But I did have a stable office job at an employment agency that was helping me rebuild my bank account, until I was fired for not recruiting enough candidates... and shortly after that came the 2nd arrest. Same cop, same circumstances. Couple glasses of wine after work. I guess once the sting of the first arrest wore off and I thought I was in the clear, I just didn't give a damn, again. Now, in this case, I definitely wasn't hammered drunk, (I know, I know, denial-- but I know enough to know that there was a chance I wouldn't have blown above a .08 had I taken the test), but it was late at night and I made the poor decision to drive home, so even if this 2nd arrest wasn't a testament to my alcoholism, it definitely is a testament to my poor decision making skills. I guess we'll never know, because I refused to submit to a breathalyzer out of fear, and that's grounds for an automatic license revocation for a minimum of 1 year. Again, parents helped me pay for a lawyer.
Current circumstances are this: I'm on 1 year of probation. Upon successful completion, my charge will be reduced to another DWAI.
Again, I realize I'm lucky. I won't have any criminal record and eventually I will be able to drive again without any ignition interlock or other restrictions. I know none of this would be possible without the financial help from others and without my relatively good reputation (educated, employed, married mother of 2).
But I can't help but feel horribly UNLUCKY and almost miserable. I'm suspended from substitute teaching, again, this time more than likely terminated, actually. I will lose my license for probably 18 months. My job at the restaurant is great money, but unstable during the winter, and in order to maintain employment there by getting rides to and from work, I would need to stay in my current home. My current home is owned by my in laws, and after years of a rocky marriage, my husband has finally made up his mind that he doesn't want to be with me. I found another job, full time with benefits, but this is 30 minutes away where my parents live. So essentially I'm looking at living with a husband who doesn't want to be with me to keep an unsteady position with no advancement or benefits, or taking a stable position with room for growth and benefits, but becoming reliant on my parents- moving in with them at the age of 25 with half time custody of my children.
Mind you, I was in the ER at the beginning of this year for suicidal thoughts and have overcome so much (years of anxiety/depression, a rocky marriage, being fired from my 1st "big girl job" all while raising 2 small kids and trying to maintain a household...) with the help of the right medication and the right attitude. But now as I'm sitting here thinking of the next 2 years and my best case scenarios, I can't help but feel overwhelmed and upset.
I never thought this would happen. I never considered that I may have a problem. But now that I'm in such a rough spot and am still looking at a year without any alcohol or even going to bars to socialize- I feel like the fact that it's going to be as hard for me to abstain as it is means I DO have a problem.
I'm really lost and sad and confused.
I was arrested for DWI in September of 2016, on my birthday (what a gift!), after totaling my vehicle by smashing into a telephone pole. A few glasses of wine after working my shift at the restaurant and boom, my lucky streak had ended. I had driven drunk many times before, and luckily I had never hurt anyone or myself. To say I deserved this one would be an understatement. After how many times I had gotten away with it, I definitely felt that the "time" (or fines & suspension, rather) fit the crime. With a decent lawyer who my parents paid for and no previous criminal record, I was able to get it reduced to a DWAI with a 90 day license suspension. My parents and husband also helped me put a down payment on a brand new vehicle. I was temporarily suspended from my job substitute teaching, but I was lucky enough to have a 2nd job at a fine dining restaurant where the money is good enough to keep me afloat. Now, I understand how lucky I am even though I will complain about money troubles. I have family that can afford to bail me out (figuratively in this case.) My personal finances weren't in great shape to begin with, and they're still in rough shape. My $750 fine hasn't even been paid yet...
But I did have a stable office job at an employment agency that was helping me rebuild my bank account, until I was fired for not recruiting enough candidates... and shortly after that came the 2nd arrest. Same cop, same circumstances. Couple glasses of wine after work. I guess once the sting of the first arrest wore off and I thought I was in the clear, I just didn't give a damn, again. Now, in this case, I definitely wasn't hammered drunk, (I know, I know, denial-- but I know enough to know that there was a chance I wouldn't have blown above a .08 had I taken the test), but it was late at night and I made the poor decision to drive home, so even if this 2nd arrest wasn't a testament to my alcoholism, it definitely is a testament to my poor decision making skills. I guess we'll never know, because I refused to submit to a breathalyzer out of fear, and that's grounds for an automatic license revocation for a minimum of 1 year. Again, parents helped me pay for a lawyer.
Current circumstances are this: I'm on 1 year of probation. Upon successful completion, my charge will be reduced to another DWAI.
Again, I realize I'm lucky. I won't have any criminal record and eventually I will be able to drive again without any ignition interlock or other restrictions. I know none of this would be possible without the financial help from others and without my relatively good reputation (educated, employed, married mother of 2).
But I can't help but feel horribly UNLUCKY and almost miserable. I'm suspended from substitute teaching, again, this time more than likely terminated, actually. I will lose my license for probably 18 months. My job at the restaurant is great money, but unstable during the winter, and in order to maintain employment there by getting rides to and from work, I would need to stay in my current home. My current home is owned by my in laws, and after years of a rocky marriage, my husband has finally made up his mind that he doesn't want to be with me. I found another job, full time with benefits, but this is 30 minutes away where my parents live. So essentially I'm looking at living with a husband who doesn't want to be with me to keep an unsteady position with no advancement or benefits, or taking a stable position with room for growth and benefits, but becoming reliant on my parents- moving in with them at the age of 25 with half time custody of my children.
Mind you, I was in the ER at the beginning of this year for suicidal thoughts and have overcome so much (years of anxiety/depression, a rocky marriage, being fired from my 1st "big girl job" all while raising 2 small kids and trying to maintain a household...) with the help of the right medication and the right attitude. But now as I'm sitting here thinking of the next 2 years and my best case scenarios, I can't help but feel overwhelmed and upset.
I never thought this would happen. I never considered that I may have a problem. But now that I'm in such a rough spot and am still looking at a year without any alcohol or even going to bars to socialize- I feel like the fact that it's going to be as hard for me to abstain as it is means I DO have a problem.
I'm really lost and sad and confused.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR afriendinneed and thanks for sharing your story. You will find a lot of support and understanding here. And we do understand that it feels unfair/unjust that we have this problem we call alcoholism. Even in the face of losing out jobs, spouses, freedom something in us still wants to drink.
For me it took complete and absolute acceptance that I am indeed an alcoholic. You don't have to like it but you have to accept it or your addict mind will always find a way to get you to pick up. If you are ready you will find a lot of others here that can help.
For me it took complete and absolute acceptance that I am indeed an alcoholic. You don't have to like it but you have to accept it or your addict mind will always find a way to get you to pick up. If you are ready you will find a lot of others here that can help.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hi, and welcome to you.
lucky and-or unlucky...i don't see it that way. the drinking isn't something that happens by luck or not, nor is the driving.
there were decisions taken, and other decisions not taken.
this might be your turning point...what do you think? looks like you might be understanding now that indeed you have a problem....and when or if you do, you can go looking for solutions.
coming here is a great start to that, and i hope you'll stick around and see what routes people are taking when they are in a spot like yours.
lucky and-or unlucky...i don't see it that way. the drinking isn't something that happens by luck or not, nor is the driving.
there were decisions taken, and other decisions not taken.
this might be your turning point...what do you think? looks like you might be understanding now that indeed you have a problem....and when or if you do, you can go looking for solutions.
coming here is a great start to that, and i hope you'll stick around and see what routes people are taking when they are in a spot like yours.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi and welcome afriendinneed91 
I made a lot of bad choices as a drinker - not a dui cos I don't drive - but lots of other poor decisions.
It took me most of my first year to dig myself out of the mess I'd made but it was a great day when I did, and it will be a great day for you too
I live my life based on making smart decisions now - and it's 180 degrees from the messy soap opera it used to be
D
I made a lot of bad choices as a drinker - not a dui cos I don't drive - but lots of other poor decisions.
It took me most of my first year to dig myself out of the mess I'd made but it was a great day when I did, and it will be a great day for you too
I live my life based on making smart decisions now - and it's 180 degrees from the messy soap opera it used to be
D
Sick n tired
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 509
Thanks fir sharing your story. Alcoholism causes chaos in all areas of our lives. We make poor decisions fact. Step one we are powerless over alcohol our lives become unmanageable. My drinking caused me so much pain and drama. Depression can be a result of the concequenses of actions and the alcohol itself. Use this forum get support and life can be simpler and so much better without the glasses of wine. Maybe this can be your turning point x take care
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
Hi try looking at it as lucky. I had my second DWI 9 years after the first one. In New York 2 within 10 years is a felony. I am on felony probation for 5 years and haven't driven in 2 1/2 years. Things cannot be expunged in NY so I am a felon for life. I am definitely not trying to upstage you just saying things can always always be worse. I consider myself lucky that I didn't hurt someone and even with all this going on my life is 100% better not drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 82
Please don't drink and drive. Three of my friends have been killed over the years by people who were driving while impaired.
I had a rule that 12 hours should pass after my last drink before I drove. That was just me though, it's only a suggestion.
Good luck !
I had a rule that 12 hours should pass after my last drink before I drove. That was just me though, it's only a suggestion.
Good luck !
Just a nerd
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 79
If it makes you feel any better, most people don't know they have a problem. How many people do you know who stick to the recommended 2-drinks-per-any-given-day guideline? Just food for thought.
I've never driven drunk in my entire life, because I could somehow never violate my moral code even while intoxicated. So I basically sat shotgun to someone else driving drunk on many occasions- not the smartest idea, either, when you think about it.
Welcome!
I've never driven drunk in my entire life, because I could somehow never violate my moral code even while intoxicated. So I basically sat shotgun to someone else driving drunk on many occasions- not the smartest idea, either, when you think about it.
Welcome!
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: SoCAL
Posts: 152
You made some bad decisions, that's it. Understand that and your already going in the right direction. Coming to SR and telling your story and asking for help is a great step forward ....
Life is not perfect ,by all means BUT the decision you make can make it a hell of a lot easier.
With our brain wrapped in a booze fog obviously our decision making process is horrible, imagine with a clear head ,the proper decision you'll make and the life changing events to follow...
Put all this in your past, work on today and tomorrow.......
Life is not perfect ,by all means BUT the decision you make can make it a hell of a lot easier.
With our brain wrapped in a booze fog obviously our decision making process is horrible, imagine with a clear head ,the proper decision you'll make and the life changing events to follow...
Put all this in your past, work on today and tomorrow.......
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