Neenerzzz

Recently, over a week ago, my boyfriend who lives with me left for rehab. The alcoholism was so bad that I was leaving for weekends at a time to get away from him, so he left to get better and he loves rehab now. He loves it so much that he said he wants to make a shrine of the people there and that he wants to live there, even though we know that's not going to happen. He doesn't realize that in three weeks this pink cloud of people kissing his butt will be gone and the one he is completely neglecting is the one he has to come home to. This is making me completely miserable and I'm getting physically sick and thin from stressing over the irrational things he's been saying. I feel completely neglected since I only get a quick hello every morning and no "how are you", no nothing. Am I right to feel this way? His family is making me stay away from him and won't let me call and is going there to take his cell phone away so he can't call me anymore. Now I'm hurting even more that I can't see or talk to him.

Peter

Hi Neenerzz welcome to the forums.

Why does your family not want you talking with him?

Do you know what codependency is?

Missing the ones we love can really be physically painful sometimes but losing weight and becoming ill isn't quite normal.Perhaps you too may need to do some work on yourself.

Please check out some of the other forums."Relationships and Parenting" or "Al Anon" for example.

Feel free to ask more questions.The fact that you are even here is a good sign.

Best of luck to you.

Neenerzzz

How do I find Al Anon meetings in my area?
I know this is not right, especially that he's coming home in two weeks and I can barely get through the days. I became dependent on him and now it hurts.

Music

I think you should look up Al-anon for sure. It should be in the book, if not, call the AA hotline and ask for help. Other than that, I think you should leave him alone and let the pros do their job. It's going to take time but if both of you take care of number 1, there will be improvment. It takes time and patience.

Neenerzzz

Yesterday I decided that it was time to take care of myself. I found a counselor to talk to and I went to an Al Anon meeting. It helped tremendously. Music, what you just said, I completely realized that yesterday and I decided it is time to take care of myself. I came home after my meeting and realized that that the fact that he doesn't want to see me or talk to me is okay and I need to understand what he's going through. I got home and saw that when I was out, he called. I decided it would be best not to return the call, then he called again and we talked and he was so happy to hear what I was doing for myself and was glad I opened my eyes and realized that he needed to get healthy on his own. He said he wants to come home because there is too much drama in the facility and he wants to go to an outpatient facility near our house and stay at his own house at night, which made me very happy, although I'm going to continue to work on myself and continue my al anon meetings. I've learned so much from this. Everything that happens right now is exactly what is supposed to be happening.

aminah

Neenerzzz,
I went through the same thing. My husband went into rehab and the first fews days he called every hour saying he wanted to come home. Then the calls stopped. He wanted to stay forever there. I felt like that was great but what about me. I went to Nar-Anon and found out that this was group for me. I needed to recover also. Keep going to your meetings and hear that other people have felt the same and it is OK to feel the way we feel too. Him coming home will be good, but not great. Change take time. I am just letting you know "the road you are on may seem all uphill, but just think of the view from the top".

abnormalego

i went through inpatient for the first time 2 months ago. it's a fairy land. nothing is real. what's real is what you do with it on the outside. i'm still a drunk and am hoping someday i will wake up. treatment is what you make of it. i met someone there who has done it 14 times. alcoholism is a serious disease. one we can control. if he wants it enough he will have it.

Neenerzzz

So he came home last night from rehab and I was just being very nice and pampering him. He's smoking cigarettes like crazy and he's wired, like all over the place, then takes his medicine and wants to sleep like a rock. He's being sooooo nice to me, it doesn't feel like the same person I was with before. I don't know what's going on now, the pit in my stomach is back. He did bring me gifts though all wrapped up when he got home, that was cute. He said he got me the gifts because he was so happy to hear that I realized that the way I was acting was detrimental to his sobriety and I was being a trigger and now he's proud that I realized that. I'm just praying that things stay this way, he's out buying ping pong tables and punching bags today to keep himself busy. I'm trying to think of the VIEW FROM THE TOP!!! I think this is the hardest thing ever, he's like a different person! Hopefully things will just improve from here.

Music

Just my opinion!! First, HE should have stayed in treatment. My guess is that regardless of what he says, how many gifts he gives you, or what he does, it's only a matter of time until you're back dealing with the same problem. TRUST THAT PIT IN YOUR STOMACH!! He's already made you the scapegoat by telling you that the way YOU were acting was detrimental to his sobriety. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY SOBRIETY. He doesn't have a clue what sobriety is. He stopped drinking for a couple days. YOU'RE THE TRIGGER??? Bullsh*t!! His whole being is loaded with triggers. He's half cocked and ready to go off.

I hope I'm wrong but I have to say what I have to say. I wish going to treatment was that easy and that quick. It just ain't. If he'd told one of the counselors that you were the cause of his inability to get sober, they'd have told him to go look in the mirror so he could see the real cause of his drinking. Like I said, I hope I'm wrong but at this point, I'd be willing to bet the farm.

Neenerzzz

He didn't leave the center because of me. The staff there was making him crazy, they weren't trusting him and blaming him for little petty things and he would keep getting triggered by them everyday, so he left, he's out looking at two outpatient facilities down the street from our house today where he can go all day, but sleep at home. I asked him if he came home b/c he missed home and he said no, he wanted to fully complete the program, but that he wasn't going to let the staff get in his way just like he wasn't going to let me or anyone else get in his way. I'm glad he's continuing outpatient b/c he has only done 2 weeks of rehab, which isn't enough for someone who's been drinking for years. He's just acting weird and all nice and usually we're bickering, so this is way different for me. I'm being very very nice and supportive and just being busy on my own.