BullDog777

So it's weird...I think some of my memory is starting to un fog itself.

Only took 14 months.

The past few days out of nowhere I'll recall parts of my past where I know I drank to forget them. I don't know what to do with that.

One particular memory, I had when I was on the road. I was just sortta letting my mind wander and there it was....I let it go on for a few minutes and I could feel old feelings start to boil and then I (glad i was alone) yelled.."STOP!!" to get myself out of the repetitive thinking.


Anyway...I didn't like it one bit. I know I still have some s#it to work out. I'm getting better at recognizing the stinkin' thinking before it becomes a train of destruction headed for a wall at 200 mph.

So, I woke up this morning and ate a bunch of ice cream which as a former diabetic i shouldn't have done but followed that up with a run with the dog for a little over an hour.

progress i guess.

Ariesagain

Training our brains to heel is really difficult, good for you.

My current strategy when ugly stuff floats to the surface is to visualize taking a giant power washer and blasting that thought down to a big wet puddle.

Sending you a hug.

PhoenixJ

Better than drinking, yes?

Maudcat

You know, I have been doing some thinking about something that hurt me a lot many years ago. It took a long time to process it and put it to bed.
But lately I have been revisiting it and flipping the script a bit.
What I have found is that I had a part in it as well.
I can see this now, many years later.
No real point to this, I guess, Bulldog (love that username,) other than to say reflection on prior acts after a period of time isn't all bad. Sometimes they are enlightening.
One of the most challenging things for me in sobriety is to sit with something uncomfortable. In my drinking days I would have vaulted over furniture to get to the bottle.
Peace.

Ariesagain

"In my drinking days I would have vaulted over furniture to get to the bottle."

Love this, Maudcat. Thanks for my first giggle of the day!

Gottalife

I brought three things with me into sobriety, any of which could have dragged me back to drinking.

They were:

My sick attitudes and way of thinking

The memories of events I would rather forget

The fear of a tap on the shoulder from someone I had hurt.

Trying to repress this stuff just creates pressure, and pressure leads to drinking. I found I could not ignore it, I had to face these issues in order to be free of them and the threat they posed to my sobriety.

FBL

Coming to terms with our pasts can be hard, but once we come to terms with it, our present condition can greatly improve.

August252015

I was told that "Stuff" will keep surfacing as we are sober - probably forever, so to speak. I kind of "step 4 it" like someone else alluded to and put it in my compartment of that stuff. Not always easy but I try to look for my part and "shake off" the cringes and such. As they say in AA, changed behavior is what I am about now, so I have to just let whoever thinks whatever go, along with what I did or what happened - and live in step 10.

Progress, not perfection- this stuff will come up and it will bother us. It just doesn't have to determine how we live, act or feel for long now that we are sober. Hang in there.

Bunny211

oh yeah. feelings. memories. the things i drank over. they come back and it is scary. thankfully, for me, they did not start to come back until about 20 months. so i was better able to deal with them. i got myself into therapy. you can get through this. hugs to you.

Doug39

During the last few years of my heavy drinking and several months during the beginning of my sobriety, memories of the past would randomly flood my brain and they really freaked me out - some random thing that happened many years ago would be on my mind and I couldn't figure out why I was thinking it.

I understand that day to day things trigger memories but when these memories popped up I felt disturbed and fearful - I sometimes even felt physical pain.

Now at almost 7 months sober my mind is more evened out and random thoughts are not as intense - I let them float in and out of my mind without giving them much thought.

I have noticed that my short term memory is bad now. For example I could go close a window and then 10 minutes later I will think to myself "I should go close that window" and when I get to the window it is closed and I have no recollection of closing it. This type of thing has been happening more and more lately.

BullDog777

ME TOO!!! It drives me nuts!! I had CT scans done when i was in the hospital to check for dain bramage and they said my melon was fine. LOL....

seriously, it happens to me all the time. I have to write myself notes sometimes as reminders. i was hoping that wonderful side effect would be gone by now, but no such luck yet....maybe at the 2 year mark.