WaterOx

Well this is basically day 10 of this new experiment. One moment I love it, the next moment I hate it.

The day was going so fantastic and I felt great. Then I'm talking with my sister on the phone and she's telling me all this great stuff going on in her life and I felt like I got hit with a ton of bricks.

I'm rarely the jealous type- especially when it comes to money. But she was talking about how everything was going so well in her life and I felt this terrible weight of jealousy- and worse, this overwhelming sens that I was a loser and my life wasn't squat and on and on and on.

Then of course I felt even worse that I couldn't even feel happy for her. It was all that I could to just listen- barely able to respond- hoping that this weird sudden funk wasn't showing through.

I've been down plenty of times in life but it's a long time since I can remember feeling jealous of someone, much less a person I love dearly who I should feel happy for. It sounds insane but I feel like she mentioned it all to rub it in my face. I've never felt that way before and she's certainly never been the type to do it. So that means my brain wires must be scrambling. lol

Sorry just venting I guess. Been up since 5am so I need a nap. There was so much I wanted to get to today. I hope this doesn't ruin it.

Anna

Waterox, you're doing great and congratulations on Day 10. Don't be hard on yourself about your feelings of jealousy towards your sister. Early recovery is a time when our emotions are all over the place and we have to learn to manage feelings we have been numbing with alcohol. Try to just feel the feelings and not judge yourself for the way you feel. Just observe it, if you can. And, some days are slow days, so be kind to yourself.

2ndhandrose

(((Waterox))) Fantastic on 10 days!!

I was a mess of feelings in the early days. It felt like they popped up out of nowhere and, after years of drinking them all down, it was really overwhelming.

Be easy on yourself, you will be okay in time.

Hevyn

I agree - expect odd feelings to run amok for a while. I was a bit defensive & paranoid as I got use to my new normal. It will all settle down. Congrats on your 10 days. You're doing it!

Bunny211

Congrats on day 10! Yes, feelings come back in sobriety. Over time, with the aid of the steps and a sponsor (sometimes therapy and other tools) we learn how to deal with the feelings we stuffed for so long. Jealusy, anger, sadness etc. are all common. You are early in sobriety and "thawing out" so to speak. You're doing great. One day at a time. Baby steps. Don't over analyze your feelings.

PhoenixJ

NewLeaf

You are okay and what you're experiencing is normal- and that's not to downplay it at all, but I want you to know you aren't alone or broken. Your brain is repairing wires that were frayed and cut. You will feel so many emotions right now but they will calm and you will feel better. The first two weeks for me were all anxiety and doom. It was awful. I kept mostly to myself the first 30 days because my emotions were too raw to handle much. Please be gentle with yourself. Sleep when you are tired and feel all of the emotions as they come, look at them, and then watch them float away.

One thing that helped me in the early days was checking in on these boards regularly, just to not feel alone.

Congratulations on 10 days! That's is such a big deal and you will stay sober for so many more!