althtie

Hello,

I've come on here because I'm concerned about my friend and I would really appreciate some advice.

The thing is, I think my friend might be an alcoholic, but his memory is always fine, even when I know for a fact he’s sober (so it’s not a state-dependent learning thing). If anything, his memory is better than mine. Does this mean he can’t be an alcoholic?

I'd be so grateful for some help. Thank you so much for reading this.

biminiblue

No, memory isn't necessarily affected at first. It takes time for serious damage to occur.

If you aren't concerned about his memory, what does concern you?

althtie

Thank you so much for your reply.

My friend has always been a heavy drinker all the ten years I've known him -- he drinks every day, always at least 4 units a day. I didn't think much of it because he never seems drunk, and I only started to get concerned when I noticed his relationship to alcohol -- he always drinks if he's upset, like, without fail.
And then just recently, something else happened. For ages, my friend has had a bottle of water in his desk, which I've seen him drink from often. The other day, for the first time, I went to have a drink from it (my friend wasn't there at the time), and it turned out just to be vodka.

He once admitted to me years ago that he couldn't feel relaxed without alcohol, but he was quite drunk at the time and I thought he was just joking around. But now that I'm really looking at his drinking, I keep remembering what he said and it really concerns me.

On the other hand, he almost never drinks until he loses control, and as I say, he never seems drunk and his memory is fine. Also, as he has been a heavy drinker for ten years, surely his memory would be affected by now if he really did have a problem?

Thanks again for listening and for your advice.

biminiblue

Lots of people function for a long time while drinking quite a bit. Some remain in semi-control for decades. No way to know where he falls on the line of alcohol dependency.

What is it that you'd like help with? There is nothing you can do other than express concern for his health. He has to come to his own conclusions about whether or not his drinking is a problem. Hopefully he will come to this conclusion before he suffers any serious consequences.

Is he just a coworker/friend?

althtie

He's by best friend. I guess I kept telling myself that "he doesn't do this, he doesn't do that, so he can't be an alcoholic", so what I really wanted to know was, is it possible that he has a problem? Based on your replies, I guess I have to face up to the idea that it is a possibility. If it is, should I talk to him?

Thanks again for your response.

biminiblue

Thing about alcoholism is that it is more or less a self-diagnosis. You say you don't really know how much he drinks and so far it isn't affecting his life too much. Vodka in his desk isn't necessarily a red flag, nor is drinking too much on occasion - but it could be. Is he drinking at work when he isn't supposed to be?

If he's your best friend of course say you are concerned for his health, but then - hand it off to him to deal with. Is it affecting you in some way? You certainly have every right to be concerned, if you think you should be. If it affects your relationship by all means express concern but I would caution against calling him an alcoholic or telling him how to deal with it - he's going to deny it's a problem. That's pretty much a given.

This is not yours to "fix."

I would make sure not to get in a car when he's driving if you suspect he has had a drink.

kevlarsjal

If this is his work desk you're talking about and he stores the vodka in water bottles I would consider that a red flag! Lying / hiding about drinking is a warning sign to me.

biminiblue

kev, oops, I edited to say that too...cross post!

althtie

So, does it sound like he has a problem? He definitely drinks at least 4 units a day every day without fail, and he was hiding alcohol in his desk at work.

It doesn't affect me as such, except that I am worried about him. I know that it's his problem to fix, but I have heard that interventions can make a difference. I don't want to accuse him, but I do want him to know that I am concerned, and to tell him that no matter what, I will always be there for him.

Thanks both of you for your time, I really appreciate it.

biminiblue

More will be revealed (regarding his issues.) Alcoholism is progressive, it will get worse.

I'm sorry you're worried. Hang out with us and read around the forums - it will be educational. Let us know if you have more questions.

althtie

Thank you very much.

CreativeThinker

Vodka in a water bottle at work, drinking at work... is definitely a red flag! Based on what you have written, your friend appears to have a problem. My tolerance increased, but eventually...as the disease progressed, that changed and I found myself feeling buzzed after 1 drink.

As for memory...my memory is still very sharp and I have drank for decades.

If you are concerned about your friend, keep reading here so that you will be prepared and knowledgeable about this disease. Then, have a "CARING" conversation with him. Be honest and let him know that you are concerned. Don't expect him to open up and admit he has a problem. Most likely he will deny, deny, deny. At least he will know that you are there for him...if and when he decides to seek help.

Bottom line...your friend won't be ready to change until HE decides its time.

BrendaChenowyth

Short term memory is always impacted. Studies have shown that learning can occur while a person is under the influence, but when sober the person does not remember what they learned.

Fluffer

My short term memory has been shot my entire adult life. But everyone is different and some people don't show any noticeable brain damage. It's a big reason I quit. I don't want to be in a nursing home shouting at the nurses any sooner than nature intended.

least

You can tell him of your concern, but ultimately it's up to him to do anything about it or not. And denial is big. I know. I denied it too.

I hope your friend will seek help to get sober. And I agree, don't ride with him if he's been drinking.

althtie

Thanks so much for the replies, everyone.