RainyAZ

I am new to this site and this is my first post.

I have always had an issue with drinking and have been able to give it up in the past (30 years ago) for 8 years and again when my kids were born for 7 years. So you would think it's a piece of cake to quite. But I have been trying to quit again for good for the past 8 years and just can't seem to do it. Part of my problem is I don't feel like I fit in anywhere because of how I drink.

I can go several weeks or even months without drinking (takes a lot of will power) but then I give in. I try to drink in a controlled environment so make sure I can only have a couple of drinks to take away the urge, I will be able to do this for a few times but then the next time I try I'm not able to stop.

I can't stop at just the two or three I planned and end up getting completely trashed. I'm not a good drunk, I always leave home and have ended up in very dangerous situations with people I don't know and am truly lucky to be alive. I also have total black outs and don't remember any of it.

But each time is getting worse and more dangerous for me, the last time a week ago I went to a lake, fell down a 15ft cliff and was luckily found by a fisherman who called my husband.

My husband is just about done with me (he has been so supportive but is worried I will hurt myself or someone else or get in an accident and we could lose everything we have) and I have two wonderful young teenage kids who don't need to be seeing their mother like this.

I don't understand how I can not drink for weeks or months and then get the urge that I can't resist. I don't understand why I can't stop drinking when I start and what it does to my brain that is so different to everyone else.

I always resist the urge by remembering what happened the last few times I got drunk (ruined my nieces wedding 2 years ago, risking my family, blackouts etc.) but then, there is the urge where I actually convince myself I can handle it and will just have one or two drinks to take away the urge and no-one will ever know. Well, that may work on occasions but it will always end up with me not being able to stop and risking everything. So how can I convince myself I can handle it when I prove over and over again I can't?

I have tried AA meetings but they are not for me .
Tried counseling and even hypnosis

I feel if I drank every day it would be easier to give up or certainly easier to understand than my sporadic drinking.

Does anyone else drink like this? and has anyone been able to quit for good?

Would love any advice anyone could offer.
Thank you

biminiblue

Does it matter if you find someone who matches you? I would say, ask your family.

Many people are binge drinkers. Binge drinking is every bit if not more dangerous as every day drinking.

Welcome to the site, I hope you find what you are looking for. I'm sure my story is different from every other alcoholic's story too. The solution is the same, not picking up a drink ever again, no matter what. It's about what happens to me when I do drink. I'm no Special Snowflake and I know I can't drink responsibly with 100% certainty, so I stopped drinking. It's much easier than trying to manage it.

If drinking is a problem, the solution is to stop.

SoberTyger

I am very much like you. I go on week long binges where i drink to blackouts and stop caring for anything at all, then i regret and stop drinking and after i while i think i can start over again. I have finally realised i cant have that first drink ever again, and i am seeking help. I hope you will find your way so a completely sober life too! We can do this!

RainyAZ

Sorry I think maybe that came out wrong. I certainly don't think I am special and the only reason I was asking if anyone else drinks like me was to try to find someone who could offer their advise on how to stop. I didn't know if it was different depending on what kind of drinking you do, but I would appreciate advise from anyone no matter what.

I agree the only way is to stop, but that's where my problem is. I start out strong and never plan to drink again and just can't seem to do it.

So I was hoping to find other people who did binge drinking (see I never even thought of it that way before) and see how they were able to manage it.

I am hoping hearing others stories and how they quite will help me figure out how to do it too.

Thank you for replying

RainyAZ

Thank you Sober Tyger (boy I should have been way more creative with my name, may have to change it)
I sure hope it works for you too, stay strong and you are right, we can do this

Fly N Buy

Doc>Referral>Rehab>Therapy, perhaps.........

I consumed alcohol for over 35 years with brief periods of abstinence. When I had enough, became sick and tired of being sick and tired, I sought help as will power alone was insufficient. Reinforcement of the fact that I am an alcoholic was important along with a program to stay stopped.

Our stories vary somewhat, but ultimately an alcoholic has lost control of their drinking. Periods of abstinence don't change this fact however brief or tenured.

Today their is plenty of help available. Willingness and a desire to quit are the keys.

Here's a link to those who have shared their stories with at least one year of sobriety.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/stories-recovery/

tomls

Welcome and thanks for joining us! We are all alike but different!We do this one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. I start my day checking in the 24 hour thread to remind me who I am and that I can't drink. Hang around, there are some really wonderful caring people here!

MsCooterBrown

I found that for me...the worst part about the start/stop pattern of drinking is that each time I quit...the restart was back with a vengeance. Each time I would drink more and more. BUT you are in charge. It is your lying alcoholic voice that is telling you that you can stop after one or two. Tune it out. Stay busy. Find something to do to replace your drinking time. And most importantly...no alcohol in the house. It sounds to me like your husband would be very supportive. Beware. He may be worried now. But one day he may have his fill of worry and then what. Post often. Hope to hear more from you.

soberlicious

Hi Rainy,
Many people have had the same pattern you describe. It's not the initial quitting and resolve you have trouble with, it's what sneaks in later. This is very common actually. The good news is you know what happens and now you can be prepared for that part that comes and gets you every time. I live in FL and we've had lots of hurricanes in my area over my lifetime. It's analogous to quitting in that you must be ready for the storm, expect it to come really, and be prepared to withstand. Just thinking a storm won't happen or it won't be that bad this time leaves many vulnerable to devastation. Drinking is the same.

So I would suggest reading about AVRT, It's a technique that helps you learn to recognize and separate from that part of you that suggests drinking and fools you every time into thinking it will be different this time. That's the part you need to be prepared for. Be ready to expect some discomfort in exchange for licking this for good.

Where the analogy ends is that with a hurricane, you cannot control the outcome. With your drinking, you are 100% capable of beating the storm. Only YOU have the hands and only YOU control them, the addicted part of you does not and whatever power it has is power that YOU give it.

You can do this. I believe in you. Educate yourself on it and take action. The freedom that results from not being controlled by this is indescribable.

Forward12

There are many binge drinkers like yourself that can go weeks, sometimes months without drinking no problem, but when they do drink, can not control themselves and drink themselves into oblivion.
Alcohol abuse also is something that is progressive, and gets nothing but worse over time which you've found out. I would reach back to when you were sober all those years and what you did to stay that way. Also if more conventional routes like AA and therapy aren't working, then I agree inpatient rehab may be a good thing to look into.

PhoenixJ

I fell off a cliff at the beach- hundreds of k's from anywhere. Could have been worse. Fast forward 2 decades- I burnt myself to death. Literally.
AA is not for anyone. It works- no sobriety actions 'were for me'. They are hard work. I fought tooth and nail- everything was not for me. It is not the support it is the person.
Support to you.

tomsteve

"and has anyone been able to quit for good?"
DOS 4/23/05

at one time i drank like that. i could go quite some time without a drink. but once i took a drink, i couldnt stop. i have some comfort and ease with a few drinks but couldnt stop there- the phenominom of craving developed and id be off tomthe rodeo with a lot of remorse,guilt,and regrets after.
and alcoholism progressed- i crossed the line into fulll blown alcoholism and was drinking just about daily.

eventually came the gift of desperation-the pain of getting drunk exceeded the pain of reality.thats when i reached out for help and started on a complete psychic change- a change that was necessary for memto stay sober.

August252015

Early on someone told me to look and listen for similarities not differences with those around me. It has helped me a lot as I seek to keep "having" what those kind of folks have.

NYCDoglvr

My definition of an alcoholic is someone who can not drink today. But once they pick up a drink they can't stop. It's a progressive disease so if you continue it will become daily drinking. I hated AA when I first went, but it was the only way I could stop drinking (25 years). The fellowship of other drunks helped me stop one day at a time.

SoberCAH

We are very happy that you're here with us, Rainy.

I drank at different intervals than you (in my case, pretty much every time the sun went down), but I had the same results.

I felt like I was the only person who experienced the thoughts and feelings that I had on a daily basis.

I thought that no one struggled as much as I did.

Finally, I received what tomsteve called the gift of desperation and I agreed to get help.

And I have been sober ever since.

I hope that you join us on this path.

For me, I have been blessed with a real life worth living and not a life of merely surviving.

Keep us posted with your efforts.

DesertDawg

Welcome, Rainy, from another member of the Valley of the Sun contingent. I was a sometimes binge drinker, sometimes daily drinker or periods, and I've been sober for a little over a year. I found that one of the biggest reasons I drank, especially the binging, was boredom. I made a lot of progress when I learned to force myself to do things, even when what I really felt like doing was vegging out in from of the TV or computer and slowly getting hammered.

BrendaChenowyth

You need people you can reach out to when the urges strike. I know you say AA meetings aren't for you.. but that's where you meet the people who truly understand you and can support you in ways your non-alcoholic friends and loved ones can't.

And your issues sound very familiar to me. I fear that my addiction will define my life, that it will be a constant cycle of abstinence and relapse. But I will do the best that I can.

Done4today

Welcome RainyAZ,

Your story sounds exactly like mine. Your drinking isn't a special case. You're special and you can have a wonderful life if you find sobriety. AA isn't the only program that works but it is one that will if you give it a chance. You live in an area that has tons of meetings close by. Keep trying different meetings you'll find your solution.

Good luck and many prayers. This forum is full of people that drank worse than you and are now sober for years upon years.

Carlito61

RainyAZ,
Are you familiar with AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Therapy)? Using this model of addiction, your AV had been making deals with you. After you go a few weeks or months without drinking, you get to reward yourself (actually the AV) with a day or two of drinking. Unfortunately the AV doesn't turn itself off after a day or two of drinking. Sort of like making a deal with the devil.

The first thing that you must do is wrap your mind around the fact that you can never drink again and come to peace with that. Never. Ever. It took me too many years of drinking to get to that point, which I just got to about 8 weeks ago.

feldknocker

I'm glad you posted. I think it's a very basic human desire to find others who have a similar experience - especially when it's a powerful urge that goes against our own good judgement.

In my case, I used to binge drink in college, then I moved to daily drinking, then I moved into a stage where I would stay sober for a period, but binge horribly - just to try to "scratch the itch". As I got older, with more responsibilities, the consequences became greater and greater. Very scary.

Sharing, whether her or elsewhere, is important. Stay with us here and kee posting.