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Deceptive images of my old life..

Old 04-29-2017, 07:47 AM
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Deceptive images of my old life..

Facebook. What a farce. I have kept it because I am in my isolation mode. It is my way of keeping in touch with my old "friends"....the problem with this is in order to fully be sober I must change my lifestyle. I can't keep doing the same things and expect to get better. Last night a group of people I hung out with posted a picture of them all gathered around the bar at my old haunt. I felt this pang. Even though they are mostly drinking buddies (only one out of the group is a REAL friend with support) I felt left out. I woke up this morning so grateful that I didn't join them. That is where the two steps forward...three steps back would come in. Long story short...I was so happy to wake up in my own bed totally NOT hungover. I thought about that a lot this morning. I seriously was drinking myself into a catatonic state. I will always be on my toes...it is way early for me to think I got this!!! I know better. But man I am glad I didn't cave. The one real friend I speak of stops over quite a bit. He talks to me about how he knows once he starts he can't stop. His wife doesn't understand. She doesn't and hasn't drank for years. I hope he finds his way before his life starts to blow as well. Enjoy the weekend. We got more stinking snow and it is almost MAY!!!! Wtf. So that...is my story for today.
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Old 04-29-2017, 11:50 AM
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I hear you MsCooterBrown, it can be a bit lonesome. I keep turning down invites out because they all seem to be so drinking focused. Today I've turned down 2 social gatherings. The first is a family thing where all the family will be getting together to discuss my ailing grandmother. I would like to be there for the conversation and I was going to go when I thought it was going to be in a restaurant but they've changed it to a house so they can order in and drink...... lots of alkies in my family so it's not surprising. My mom is ground zero for my addiction and I just can't, I won't. So I'm going to go up during the week (it's a long drive) to see my granny in the hospital and then sit down for lunch with my mom.

The other is a bbq at my best friends house where it will be nothing more than everyone sitting around drinking beers and shooting the $hit. She wants me to come to talk wedding stuff as she's getting married next weekend.... again on some level I know I should go there and be involved but I don't want to hang out watching everyone get loaded. I just don't want to do it. So instead I'm going out shopping with her tomorrow and she will be dying from a hangover and not the best of company.

For so many people socializing is centered around drinking and I'm not sure where I fit in anymore. I'm ok with not going and totally solid in my decision to never poison myself with alcohol ever again. I know I'm not missing anything..... I hated waking up sick and regretful and having to apologize for fighting with my bf or offending someone with some stupid thing I'd said or done. I'm finding that I'm much more of a morning person and day time activities are the way I'd prefer to spend my time. Spending my evening home just reading a book or watching a movie or goofing around with my new hobby of butchering music on my guitar is fine by me. I do get a bit lonesome though. I wish I knew sober people to hang out with, I surrounded myself with people who wouldn't judge me for how I used to drink and I haven't found any new friends. Yet. I'm sure I will.
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Old 04-29-2017, 12:39 PM
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Zen I understood your whole post. We do surround ourselves with like minded people...hard core drinkers. On that same token I got to where I would just drink at home. The bickering started to wear on me. Seems like by the 7th round they all turned on each other!! Imagine that. Also the DUI worry...putting others in danger driving after a full night out. So I ended up making sure I stocked up so I didn't have to go back out. I would drink it all just because it was there. The idea of a wine cellar always made me laugh. I would never keep it stocked! So I holed up at home...one by one pushing everyone away. I knew I was about to embark on a sober life and it was my way of divorcing them all. Lonely sometimes. But man I love waking up without the hangover ...panic attacks are slowly leaving me. It does take time to find new sober friends. I live in a population of 3200 so it is REALLY hard. We will though. It will happen. I relate to your entire post. Take care...
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Old 04-29-2017, 01:06 PM
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I know the feeling. I've stayed off facebook (except for posting in an AA group i found) since i started my recovery just to avoid all the triggers there, as so many of my friends are heavy drinkers and so many of my interests were, to me, drink related (concerts, sports events, etc) - i am still not far enough into recovery to trust myself to go to a concert, for instance, without drinking. I don't even like thinking of my favorite bands or football team right now, because i just think about going to a concert or drinking at a stadium/fan club's pub. I hope and trust to reach the point where i can enjoy these hobbies without even worring about alcohol, but for now i try to keep it all off my mind.

ON a side note, when drinking, i could sometimes completely ruing my liking of a certain band, because I'd gotten wasted and ended on a huge binge at a concert. Last september, for instance, one of my absolute fave bands played in town and I had looked forward ever since the concert was annouced, but as I got there I got so drunk i hardly remember anything and binged for days - now I can't enjoy this band's music anymore because i associate it with all the awful feelings i had afterwards.
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Old 04-29-2017, 01:45 PM
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Great post, MCB. That's the right attitude to have, being on your toes about drinking and fighting it. I was definitely almost catatonic back when I drank, or a zombie maybe. Totally checked out. No way to go thru life.

Sorry about your snow too, it's really nice here in South Texas lately.
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Old 04-29-2017, 02:23 PM
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I have lots of pics of my old drinking days on Pharsebook. To many people they may look like a good-time party girl having the time of her life. I look at them and remember things differently to this. A lot of the time it was a case of a bunch of drunk people sitting round waiting for 'something' to happen. A lot of the time I actually felt very lonely and isolated even though I was surrounded by 'friends' (many of whom I have since discovered that I have little really in common with, and actually don't even like very much truth be told). Other times at moment of photo I was in the 'wittier, prettier and tittier' deluded phase of drunkenness and having a whale of a time, which later led to me behaving in ways that I later regretted and woke up the next day feeling sick with shame and regret (as well as the hangover). I don't but those Pharsebook lies any more. It's too easy to imagine the bits that got cut out of the story.
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Old 04-29-2017, 02:57 PM
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good for you mcb
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Old 04-29-2017, 08:51 PM
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Great post, I deal with this constantly. I had to get rid of Facebook...all I'd see are people who are out "living awesome lives", hanging out at the trendy bars, etc... I could even look back at my old pictures of myself all done up, drinking and AV would probably try to convince me that life was so much better that way. Being off of social media has helped me focus and remember the bad times. Blacking out, the flash backs of going home with strangers, never knowing how I got home....waking up feeling like I got hit by a car, not knowing why...(maybe I did get hit by a car?) sounds like you're doing great feel free to PM me anytime. Sounds like we had similar experiences.
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Old 04-29-2017, 09:33 PM
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I can definitely relate. I walked around a couple stores by myself tonight and now I'm watching TV by myself. I don't mind it, but it can be lonely sometimes. I surely could have found some bar/ club/ party to go to with friends but not interested in that anymore.

I like the idea of spending one on one time with friends. If they are a true friend, they will understand and will make time for you doing something sober. I will have lunch or maybe dinner with friends, but I'm not going to sit in a bar or party/ BBQ where the focus is drinking. What's the point? I can't talk to my friends once they are drunk. They don't listen or pay attention, lol.
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Old 04-30-2017, 04:28 AM
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Here's what I missed last night at the bbq...... my bf came home at 4am too drunk to get the front door open and too drunk to get himself into his own bed. But drinking is fun right? He will be too ill to move today. I won't be surprised if he starts puking once he jolts himself awake when the alcohol wears off.

No thanks. Everyone can count me out. Never again.
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Old 04-30-2017, 05:13 AM
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Zen.
I think your post resonated with a lot of us, myself included. I"m almost 90 days in, still trying to kick the feeling that I'm doing something wrong by isolating. Problem is, I have always been an introvert anyway. For some silly reason I thought sobriety would make me immediately "social", which of course it hasn't. Isn't it funny how we think sobriety will make us into this "person" who is/was completely opposite of our drunk persona? For me it's becoming this balance of feeling like I SHOULD "get out there, girl, and LIVE!", but that was never really "ME", to begin with.
I think you made awesome choices. Way to have a plan of attack. (and it didn't hurt your BF was a visual reminder, too, of why you are sober
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Old 04-30-2017, 05:24 AM
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Since my experience has been different than what most of you wrote- I don't miss anyone or anything about my drinking life and have a no problem with a zero-tolerance policy for people, places and practices from those days- I will comment on FB. I went off it for awhile, before I quit, and when I got back on it, absolutely everything that I myself post is positive, happy, and such. I turned off feeds from anyone aggravating me, if I kept them as a friend, and know that the only people posting pics at places/with alcohol are people in my life who have a healthy relationship with it (or I know their own struggles, for the most part). Having 300 ish friends v 1000 cut down on the crap.

My point really is- if it is good for my mindset, social media is great. If not, it goes. Just like real life stuff. I have found a very full life in sobriety and one of my challenges is isolation- I need my alone time and I have also let my bf and sponsor know that if they don't hear from me for a day (him, more frequently than that) then to perk up their ears.
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Old 04-30-2017, 05:28 AM
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Thumbs up what is old

At 5 days in, I am almost completely isolated in the deep woods. I need to work on my rebirth. I thought I needed to drink because I am 61 and over the hill. Not true. This morning as the birds sang and the brook bubbled, I feel so free. One breath, one moment at a time.
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Old 04-30-2017, 07:40 AM
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Originally Posted by KES06 View Post
Zen.
I think your post resonated with a lot of us, myself included. I"m almost 90 days in, still trying to kick the feeling that I'm doing something wrong by isolating. Problem is, I have always been an introvert anyway. For some silly reason I thought sobriety would make me immediately "social", which of course it hasn't. Isn't it funny how we think sobriety will make us into this "person" who is/was completely opposite of our drunk persona? For me it's becoming this balance of feeling like I SHOULD "get out there, girl, and LIVE!", but that was never really "ME", to begin with.
I think you made awesome choices. Way to have a plan of attack. (and it didn't hurt your BF was a visual reminder, too, of why you are sober

I feel kinda of like I'm living in limbo land..... where I am trying to disentangle from my old life but not completely established in my new one yet. I'll get there though, it's just going to take time. I will meet new people and I'm not afraid to be on my own while I wait. Anyone who doesn't want to support me can just get out of my way cuz I'm going forward with or without them.
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Old 04-30-2017, 12:41 PM
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Originally Posted by MsCooterBrown View Post
Facebook. What a farce. I have kept it because I am in my isolation mode. It is my way of keeping in touch with my old "friends"....the problem with this is in order to fully be sober I must change my lifestyle. I can't keep doing the same things and expect to get better. Last night a group of people I hung out with posted a picture of them all gathered around the bar at my old haunt. I felt this pang. Even though they are mostly drinking buddies (only one out of the group is a REAL friend with support) I felt left out. I woke up this morning so grateful that I didn't join them. That is where the two steps forward...three steps back would come in. Long story short...I was so happy to wake up in my own bed totally NOT hungover. I thought about that a lot this morning. I seriously was drinking myself into a catatonic state. I will always be on my toes...it is way early for me to think I got this!!! I know better. But man I am glad I didn't cave. The one real friend I speak of stops over quite a bit. He talks to me about how he knows once he starts he can't stop. His wife doesn't understand. She doesn't and hasn't drank for years. I hope he finds his way before his life starts to blow as well. Enjoy the weekend. We got more stinking snow and it is almost MAY!!!! Wtf. So that...is my story for today.

After I read this, one thought was running through my mind...a voice of strength in wanting to stay sober. Keep that s#it up.
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Old 04-30-2017, 05:42 PM
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So glad I'm not the only one who has been isolating myself. I haven't been in 1 social situation where there has been a lot of people drinking since I stopped drinking over 2 months ago. I deactivated FB years ago, so that's not a problem.

When I am out, shopping, at work or interacting with others, I don't feel uncomfortable or filled with anxiety...I just don't put myself in any situation where others will be drinking. My husband and I have been out to dinner a few times and the first few times I missed not having drinks, but the last time we went out (Friday), it didn't bother me at all.

I'm really enjoying the time I spend doing things that I put off because I was either drinking or hungover: daily workouts, reading books again, spending time on SR, cooking, gardening... But sometimes I wonder if I'm being too protective of my sobriety and whether I should be spending more time in group situations. I.E., my husband and I used to entertain a lot. For the last 2 months we haven't invited anyone for dinner.

Eventually I will have to face my fear of being in a drinking environment...until then, I'm not going to concern myself with it.

Thanks for starting this thread MCB!
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Old 04-30-2017, 07:34 PM
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Keep waking up sober mcb, that's awesome. That's the main goal. Do not drink. I have plenty of friends that don't drink. I dropped all the others. My life depended on it. It's that simple. Keep it up.
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