14Sierra

Hey ya'll,
I'm days away from my 5 month mark and this last month for the most part was actually pretty good, I remember stretches of days where I actually felt almost back to my old self again. So much so where I had convinced myself that I was almost better and could start moving forward and close this awful chapter in my life.

Now, out of the blue for the last 4 days I have been feeling like I'm losing my progress. I have little to no motivation, I don't have any energy to exercise, its hard to think or concentrate on anything, I'm anxious, and it is getting extremely frustrating.

I guess what I'm trying to figure out, is if PAWS is coming back again? I know I have read that it comes in waves, but I was thinking 5 months would be long enough to get rid of it...

Thanks in advance

ScottFromWI

Could be a lot of things 14sierra. Life simply has its ups and downs sometimes and sometimes there is no reason why. It could be related to stressors, seasons changing, a major life change, depression etc. The great thing though is that you recognize it and are taking proactive steps to find out what it is....vs our old default reaction.

Regarding "PAWS", there is of course lots of mystery surrounding the term because it's not a medically or psychologically diagnosable condition. It's really just a very large list of symptoms that a lot of recovering addicts experience. So while there's is no cure for it specifically, you can treat the symptoms you are experiencing. For example, if you are depressed you could seek help for that. And as far as a timeframe, the symptoms associated with "PAWS" can really occur any time...months or years into sobriety.

Doug39

I just hit my 6 months sober mark two days ago.

I have been feeling really good lately but today I woke up with some of those old PAWS type symptoms.

I have noticed that as time goes by I have shorter and shorter periods of PAWS and they are less and less intense - plus I learned how to cope with them better.

Good luck.

14Sierra

Well I guess it helps to know that the PAWS symptoms can come back but they get less frequent and less severe. Around month 2 or so I was really freaking out about them but it got better after I just accepted it and waited it out, I'm just kind of disappointed it's not gone by now

ScottFromWI

Yeah, it takes time, the old chiche....but it's true. But don't forget that it's quite possible to accept it and try to make it better at the same time. There are lots of things you can do to help with depression, all the way from just taking a walk to seeing a therapist...and there's plenty in between!

Gottalife

Well done on five months. other than not drinking, what other steps have you taken to treat your alcoholism?

SeaOfSerenity

5 months is still very early relatively to recovery though everyone is different.

When I got sober and learnt of PAWS I read extensively on peoples experiences on here and what I gathered was that the first year is really tough, then between 1-2 years you notice a great improvement and some the symptoms go

I think its important not to just wait to feel better. recovery isn't just abstinence, theyre will be lots of poor habits or behaviours that we learnt as a result of addiction that must be addressed also

14Sierra

Well I have consistently been working on spiritual, physical, and mental health. It actually feels like learning to reintegrate into society, as sad as that sounds. I actually began charting my progress in a journal some months back, which really helped me.

So when I recently started to see these old symptoms come back, and started having these bad days again I just became really frustrated at the whole situation.

But talking about it and looking back I can really see that I went from horrible days all the time, to some bad days, to very few

Linz805

Your not alone in those feelings I promise

InASilentWay

Exact same situation here, Sierra. 4 months and going through a rough patch at this point. After 3 horrid days and a PAWsy start to today, I am just trying to keep a positive frame of mind. Played my favourite music on the way to work but even that sounded a bit off I hope you feel better. If you come across any remedies, do let me know. Take care!

Doug39

Like I posted yesterday I was having PAWS symptoms and now today I feel good again.

Recovery can be a roller coaster of changing emotions and feelings.

After 27 years of using and abusing alcohol everyday I really did a number on body and brain. I don't expect a miracle recovery right away.

August252015

Great job on nearly 5 months!

For me, I suffered significant PAWS - more importantly, though, to your question - whether or not it is "that" or just getting things straight in your life, recovery takes time.

I have hit points along the way - 100 days was a great turning point for a lot of things, 4 months was kinda frustrating and I was ornery and agitated for a week or so, 7 mo was a little rocky - where I felt like you do. Continuing on sober is the only way to get through whatever ups and downs come, IME.

I've learned so much about how to deal with life- mental and practical tools- through AA.

What have you been doing to get this far? Perhaps redoubling efforts along with treating yourself gently and such, is the best thing to do right now.

You can do it. At 430 days (just past 14 mo) I will tell you that life keeps coming in so I have ups and downs (just last night I retreated for alone time rather than spending the evening with my adored boyfriend and his kids whom I also love) and everything does keep getting better on the whole.

14Sierra

Thanks y'all, it is definitely is better now, that was a rough 4 days. I think when it gets like that, my brain is too foggy to even comprehend that it's just a rough patch again. That's why keeping a journal of my good and bad days helps me so much, it gives me reassurance that it will pass.

It looks like the bad days just come in waves and less frequently as time passes, like yall were saying. Now that my heads clear again, my attitude is like if I have bad days, I have bad days, so what, keep going.

Anyways,
Thanks again

Andante

That's how it was for me too. One of the peculiarities of having a bad "PAWS" day (as opposed to a garden-variety bad day) was an unshakable feeling of doom that this is how it will always be, that this is how I will always feel. No amount of determined rational thought could convince me otherwise. These episodes went on well into my second year of sobriety.

In a way, it was like in my drinking days when the "AV" would convince me that having a drink was a perfectly sensible thing to do, even in the face of overwhelming rational evidence that it was not. It seems that the alcoholic brain can continue to exert influence over the rational brain long after the last drink, and even in areas unrelated to ideas about drinking.

Glad you're feeling better, 14Sierra.