Doug39

I am a 53 year old married man. I am 6 months sober after 27 years of daily drinking. My wife is still an active alcoholic.

My wife supports my sobriety and my involvement in AA; and I reluctantly support her decision (or need) to continue drinking everyday.

I was looking for something yesterday and I could not believe how many empty liquor bottles I found hidden around the house.

In a way I guess this is a good thing because she feels shame that she is drinking too much - but now that I am sober it has really opened my eyes to how bad she is and I was in our alcoholism.

I know it is a waste of time to confront her; I have put this issue in God's hands and all I can do is pray.

zjw

I think all you can do is be a gentle example or something. Its like if you push them you might drive em nuts or drive yourself nuts or both.

Its hard when you look back with like clear vision at your past and your think WTF was I thinking. You relize just how much of a mess you where. I dunno sometimes i'd even feel really sad and upset with myself for it. Other times I had sympathy for myself. In the end it is what it is. All we can do is move forward in many ways tho my past has been a good thing. becoming an alcoholic and getting sober has tuaght me a lot I would not have otherwised learned maybe.

Congrats on teh 6 months thats awesome!

Wholesome

Hi Doug. I don't see anything wrong with pointing out all the hidden empties as long as it's done in a way to show your concern and love for her rather than anger or shame. Like what are you doing honey? You deserve more than this. I love you and I'm worried about you.

At the end of the day though she has to want it herself, but there's nothing wrong with helping her to see that some part of her does want it. No one wants to be hiding bottles around the house out of secrecy and shame. If she was really ok with it she wouldn't be hiding it.

soberandhonest

Hi Doug. I recommend that you consider posting this on the Friends & Family board and see what others with similar experience have to say. I guess what I would say is that you need to look out for your health, welfare and happiness first. It's hard to be happy living with an active alcoholic. You also might want to consider whether, by simply ignoring this, you are enabling your wife's addiction. The F&F forum or a group such as Al Anon have some good resources for you.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's tough enough to handle your own addiction; seems almost cruel that you also have to address, even if it is by ignoring it, your spouse's addiction as well. Hang in there. You have my support.

Fusion

Congratulations on six months, Doug!

I too hid bottles, both full and empties. Sometimes I'd forget where I hid the full ones and would enter panic mode as I searched.

One day last year, after my husband pleading with me to stop, he found some empties in a wardrobe and under a bed - so he conducted a search of the entire house, garden etc., and collected an enormous number. He lined the bottles up across the top of my study desk, bookcase, filing cabinet and floor. He led me there and we stood at the door - I was devastated, ashamed, embarrassed.

BUT, for me, I'm glad he did, because it finally sunk in. He said he didn't know how long they'd accumulated over, but he didn't want to stay and watch me drink myself to death. I was a member of AA and had worked the steps and told him I was trying. He replied, well, you've succeeded at everything else in your life and if AAs not working, for you, then, please, please try something else, I don't want you to die! So, I joined SR and found a recovery technique that worked for me.

But, everyone is different and to be honest, those bottles lined up could've pushed me over the edge, but my husband knew me and thankfully, his actions and words, gave me the wake-up call and momentum to finally stop the addiction, forever.

MsCooterBrown

Sometimes...what draws you near and dear is a reflection of yourself. I bet when you started out you were both imbibing. Later the stakes were changed. Perhaps by hiding the bottles she was trying to save you from cravings. I always wonder tho...why not just toss the bottles in the trash??? I have never understood bottle hiders.

And CONGRATS!! Six months is a big deal!!

Mtphc

First off congratulations on your sobtriety, what an accomplishment. I was reading your post and it really puts things in perspective. Reminds me of myself and how bad things get when I drink, it's really sickening how bad we get. All the bottles that add up, and then I think to myself "Damn I drank all that" sometimes I'm surprised I'm alive..

tomsteve

I 2nd this.
just as with alcoholism, its good to hear from people that have been or are in your shoes. lots of ESH over there and great suggestions.

Forward12

I agree I think pointing out all the hidden bottles would be a good step. Perhaps bring it up to her that you're doing some cleaning and appreciate her to throw out all the hidden bottles she has stashed all over the place, and to put them in the trash next time. Maybe a little passive/aggressive, but it will get a message across.

Awake61

Hi all - my first day of no booze, after a 30 year run. My husband took all my hidden bottles and hit me over the head with them! Then he sobbed and sobbed. Us, alcoholics are so selfish. Not going to drink today.

CreativeThinker

Former bottle hider here

I hid the empty bottles so that my husband wouldn't know how much I was drinking. Pretty foolish because my husband was a heavy drinker too.

I would let your wife know that you found the empties...like others have mentioned, don't shame her, but show concern. It might be just what she needs to begin considering sobriety.

Good luck and congrats on 6 months!

gaffo

I am a 52 year old married man. I quit drinking five years ago, smoking pot three years ago, my wife continues to drink and smoke. She drinks cheap vodka pints and airplane bottles. It makes me cringe and sometimes I want to scream at her, "don't you know only alcoholics drink cheap vodka and airplane bottles should only be consumed on airplanes!" but I don't. I don't really even know if she's an alcoholic or not even though I do know that I'd rather not be around her when she's been drinking, she gets mean and impatient.

I continue to be surprised, amazed and disappointed by my relationship with my wife since I quit drinking. It has certainly been nothing like what I imagined. I have no advice except to stay sober, I'm pretty sure that drinking again would only make it worse.