I'm new to this
 

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this and I'm not sure what to say. I'm even a bit embarrassed by it. Still, I need to stop drinking and I'm having trouble. I'm not interested in AA, but I'm beginning to realize I might not be able to do this on my own. I don't want to ask what to do, or how to do it (because that's relative), and I can't afford a psychologist. So here I am.

I'm not posting in the new person threads because I don't want to hear the crap people say to newcomers. I've heard it before.

I smoke cigarettes, I drink way too much, I quit smoking weed a long ago (probably around the time I started drinking more), and this is the first time I've been on a forum since the internet came out.

That's my short history, and I'm interested in hearing from you. If you can help me, that's awesome; if I can help you, that's awesome too.

You will find help encouragement and support here, and not too much 'crap', even in the Newcomers forum...

I'm one of the Newcomers Forum mods. ;)

welcome aboard :)

D

Let me see- when I had everything and drank too much- I spent money on - psychiatrists, hypnotherapy (self), meditation, private hospital rehabs, psychologist, addiction counselling, acupuncture, herbalists etcetc- EVERYTHING I could to prove I had my drinking under control, tht I was not a lebelled AA alcoholic. Then in 1 night- the tether to that life broke and I ended up homeless, very close to death and with nothing.

AA is not a label- it is just guys who get together to help each other try and get a better life- sober. Sure some say and do stuff I do not agree with- so what? That is them- no different than talking to someone on a bus. Now I am getting my stuff together- alone, without my family or house- but at last safe. I did SMART that is good. AA is a place to hang and learn. I do not embrace the black and white god bit- but most do not. Replace the word god with "something to help me not drink'.
Support to you. Look around- and do not discredit something until you give it a go. Keep posting.

I'm not the AA type either, highlonesome. SR fits my sobriety needs perfectly, I log on every day to keep on track and remind me what's what. Glad you made the scene!

Welcome to the family. :) Lots of support here. :)

I'm not an AA'r either, although I have been in the past and learned so much from it.

I come to SR, see a therapist and I'm currently reading as much literature as possible about this s***** disease.

Hope you will get as much out of your experience on SR as I have!

:tyou

Firstly, there is nothing embarrassing about being an alcoholic around here. You are among like-minded people who know what a pernicious and awful illness alcoholism is.

I too am not an AAer. Though I still have that on the table as something I might do.

I echo what Dee says about the Newcomers Forum. It is probably the most active part of he site (?), so a good place to go if you want to read material in real time, and make connections with people.

I am currently three months sober, using a few ideas from AVRT (see the Secular Connections forum) and the 24/7 support of SR. If I had to give you two pieces of advice, they would be:

1) Learn the basics of Addictive Voice Recognition Therapy/ AVRT. (The basic idea is to separate yourself from your addiction and recognize any thoughts of drinking as Addictive Voice/ AV [i.e. your addiction speaking not you]. From there, you can dismiss these thoughts as "just your addiction speaking" much easier.) It seems ludicrously simple, but if you can make a genuine, firm commitment to quit, then this is a very powerful tool. The bottom line is that you are in control over whether you drink the first drink. Your addiction cannot make you get up and drive to the store to buy liquor without your participation.

2) Stick close to SR. I was skeptical when I first signed up that it would make any difference, but I recognize now that that skepticism was just my addiction trying to protect itself. Post often. Join the April support thread.

[Remember: Anything you are reluctant to do in recovery may be your addiction protecting itself from change. This doesn't mean you can't pick and chose what will work for you, but don't be dismissive of your options.]

Just my opinions for what they are worth. Congrats on making a positive decision in your life. :c011:

I wasn't "into" AA but I certainly couldn't do it on my own. If it hadn't been for the fellowship I wouldn't be sober 25 years.

Welcome, Highlonesome, to SR.

You will find so much support here.

Glad you found us.

Welcome!
-please try to drop the embarrassment as soon as possible. Addiction problems are equal opportunity: rich, poor, average, criminals and heroes. Although addiction can certainly harm your character, it is NOT your character.

Sounds like you want help but on your own terms? If you know what to do and how to do it then why are you here? These are questions I have to ask. After reading your post (twice) I guess I'm kinda confused on how to respond to you.

I'd like to welcome you too, High. We are a friendly & encouraging group who care about each other. You're never alone.

highlonesome, welcome.

stuck for things to say, since they'd likely be along he lines of crap to newcomers. which you are, though maybe not new to trying to get and stay sober?

there are some more or less usual things that people experience while trying to decide, or new to sobriety, and it can be helpful to get a heads up.

I hear you on not wanting to ask what to do or how to do it, and i do have some personal experience with that very attitude. which made my life much tougher than it needed to be:)

I wouldn't say I wasn't interested in AA, more that I didn't want to do what those AA said they had to do to get sober. So I kept AA as the very last resort, if all else failed.

The fact that all else did fail, and I turned up at AA knowing I had no other options, other than an alcoholic death, seemed to open my mind and give me the necessary willingness to do what had to be done. I never drank again.

That would be my advice to you. Join AA only of all else fails. I reckon that improved my chances.

I agree with Gotta.

Willingness was the key for me to seek help.

Although the notion of AA didn't appeal to me either, it has proved to be the method for me to get and stay sober.

I would respectfully suggest that you seek help without making a list of things you don't want (AA, encouragement from SR of the type you typically see when a newcomer seeks help, etc.).

There are people on SR who have gotten the results you seek, and they very likely know a lot more about getting sober than you or any other newcomer.

We're very glad you're here, and we all hope you get and stay sober.

Thank you all for making me feel welcome. After I wrote that post I didn't hear anything back and went to bed. The next morning I didn't want to acknowledge I even created an account. Thanks for replying with a lot of views that haven't occured to me. I'm still drinking at the moment, but I will sign on again. It sounds like a lot of you have been through hell and back, and I admire your strength.

Thank you for the welcome! I meant no judgement about newcomers. I've seen a lot of people quit quitting because they hear the same stuff every time they reach out. I don't want to be one of those people.

no worries highlonesome :)

D

Phoenix J, your story resonates. I'm glad you're​ getting your stuff together, and I hope you're not totally alone. If the people on here are as real as they sound then you're definitely not.

I'm not knocking AA. I know a lot of people who it has worked for. The last time I did it it was court ordered for under age drinking, so I may have some resentment toward it. It is not off the table for me

Thanks Snazzy! I have no qualms with AA, I just don't think it's for me.