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Contempt towards normal drinkers!!!

Old 04-22-2017, 02:48 PM
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Contempt towards normal drinkers!!!

Anyone else get angry when you see the normal people drinking and having a good time? This is becoming a trigger for me. I have a little over 2 months sober after relapsing after 2 years clean and I've noticed it just pisses me off to see others drinking normal.

I know I can never drink again unless I wanna end up on another bender but its that never ending quest to try to be normal that bites me in the ass every time.
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Old 04-22-2017, 03:21 PM
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They're not doing anything remarkable though.. You're angry because you can't drink, not because they can.
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Old 04-22-2017, 03:43 PM
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I felt like this at times in early sobriety it's known as FOMO (Fear of missing out) especially weekends I'd be same as you thinking they can do it why can't i etc

Because they just don't drink the same way we do

I promise you, you will never wake up & regret staying sober wishing you got trashed

Early recovery was one of the hardest things i got through i made full use of the support & learnt about my addiction & started to work on changing myself for the better

Life will always be full of ups & downs but it's made better & easier in recovery

Stick with it it won't happen overnight & you can always count on us for support
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Old 04-22-2017, 04:13 PM
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I can't say I have ever felt that way. When I as drinking, I used to get angry at myself because I couldn't do what they did, and I used to think there was something wrong with the ones who had a couple and wanted to be home with their families, but I never got annoyed about the drinking of others after I got sober.

FOMO is a good one. My. Local pub was, I thought, the center of the universe, it was were life happened. If I wasn't there I was missing out. I was one of those naughty AA people who kept nipping into the pub on my way home after a meeting, just to have a coke and seemy "friends". It was always just before closing time, and they were at their best. One of my memorable spiritual experiences was the night that I saw the truth about the place for the first time.

It stunk, it was dirty, the people were all drunk and talking rubbish. They didn't care about me. If I had dropped dead, it would have been their excuse for more drinking. There was nothing there for me. I left without having a coke and never went back.
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Old 04-22-2017, 04:19 PM
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Maybe it's because I live in Wisconsin, in a college town no less, but I'm having a hard time recalling the last time I've seen "normal" drinkers.

Instead, I'm bombarded with messages of "Wine O'Clock", "Beer-mergencies", slamming shots of hard liquor, OWI (something you can be arrested for more than 5 times here without being charged with a real crime, btw...) and pretty much every form of ritualistic self-poisoning that the majority of the populace believes is "normal".

I'll take my hangover-free mornings, my clear head and my healthy liver over all that any day of the week.
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Old 04-22-2017, 04:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Harley1973 View Post
I know I can never drink again unless I wanna end up on another bender but its that never ending quest to try to be normal that bites me in the ass every time.
That's it in a nutshell....wanting to drink "normally" but knowing we can't.

I tried to live my old life just minus the alcohol several times and it never really worked. To make it last I had to make sweeping changes...what I did, where I went and who I went and did them with. I also has to specifically address my addiction...every day. Just "not drinking" was never enough..
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Old 04-22-2017, 04:36 PM
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And why do we think that so called normal drinking is normal? It's just a culturally and sociable accepted poison. Nothing healthy about drinking period, I don't care what the wine studies says about healthy for your heart etc. Enjoy life without the slavery of the bottle. Just imagine how much you can experience without drink. I'm currently listening to some Alan Parsons Project, which is a heavily mind altering form of music which I thought you had to be drunk or stoned to really appreciate. Hey, I was wrong, I'm finding out that there are sounds on this album I never appreciated before because I was drunk while listening. Once you find sobriety you will realize that Alcohol or any other mind altering drug is just that. Mind altering and a fleeing from reality. Not wanting to sound harsh but I'm sick and tired of the society's so called normal drinking. End of rant.
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Old 04-22-2017, 04:42 PM
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Hells yeah on so many of your points, but especially for the Alan Parson's Project shout-out. Love that stuff! My favorite is their debut album, "Tales of Mystery and Imagination", which was all based on the writings of Edgar Allen Poe. Like you said, truly mind-altering, in a positive, uplifting way.
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Old 04-22-2017, 04:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Fitcher View Post
Hells yeah on so many of your points, but especially for the Alan Parson's Project shout-out. Love that stuff! My favorite is their debut album, "Tales of Mystery and Imagination", which was all based on the writings of Edgar Allen Poe. Like you said, truly mind-altering, in a positive, uplifting way.
Great stuff, turns out I'm playing through all their albums in chronological order this evening. Stay sober!
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Old 04-22-2017, 04:52 PM
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Some of those "normal" drinkers may have just not turned yet. I think we become alcoholics by working at it little by little until our tolerance reaches alcoholic proportions. I wouldn't assume anyone is normal. All I know is my body and mind can't keep taking the pounding side effects of liquor. Not one thing healthy about it. Let those that believe otherwise...believe. Not me!!!
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Old 04-22-2017, 06:08 PM
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I never knew what being a normal drinker was like. Since day one I drank to get drunk and to escape reality.

Even as a teenager I can remember thinking that alcohol was something you "took" to face something you feared. I spent 27 years of my life using alcohol everyday to face life.
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Old 04-22-2017, 06:50 PM
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There are people in wheelchairs envious of those that can walk. People with hearing loss that wish they could just communicate with others verbally.
Looking at someone having a drink at a bar is a drop in the bucket compared to what many are experiencing, that we take for granted.
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Old 04-22-2017, 06:50 PM
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Last night one of my wife's friends arrived for a short visit. The first thing they did when they got in from the airport was mix a couple of cocktails. I definitely had the "fear of missing out" thing going on as they were mixing them up. Not really anxiety or craving, just a kind of sadness. But they --- and this never fails to shock me --- didn't even finish them. Turns out there was nothing to miss out on!

My point is I would never just have one or two like a normie. Those people don't have a "fear of missing out." If, for example, my wife's doctor told her she had to give up drink, she'd shrug her shoulders and never think about it ever again.

In truth, if I am jealous of anyone it would be my younger self all those years ago in the initial stages of my drinking, who could drink alcoholically and get away with it (for a while at least). When alcohol was "working" for me still, rather than me slaving for it.

But you don't get to reset an addiction. You don't get to go back. Once the line is crossed, there is no chance of getting away with it anymore.

Anyway, I'm a' ramblin' again...
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Old 04-22-2017, 07:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Forward12 View Post
There are people in wheelchairs envious of those that can walk. People with hearing loss that wish they could just communicate with others verbally.
Looking at someone having a drink at a bar is a drop in the bucket compared to what many are experiencing, that we take for granted.
That is something I have been thinking about recently as well. Conversely there all lots of people who are better looking than me, more athletic, popular, naturally more charming and funny etc. I honestly don't feel the need to compare myself to them 24/7. That's just the way it is. Better to just get on with your thing.

Without wanting to trivialize what has been a life and death matter for many of us, the more sober time I get, the more ridiculous all the fear and anxiety over quitting and the anguish over not being able drink like other people seems to me. What does it matter in the grand scheme of things?

Consuming alcohol is such a tiny thing in comparison to all the other possibilities in life (which, of course, it robs you of in the end). It's such a small thing to give up for the promise of a much, much better life.

[Disclaimer: quitting is, of course, a major deal in another sense. I am prioritizing my recovery 100%. I'm not being complacent.]
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Old 04-22-2017, 07:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Harley1973 View Post
Anyone else get angry when you see the normal people drinking and having a good time?
No, it doesn't bother me because I never drank like most people.

I drank to get loaded.

These days I get to the party or bar, mingle with the others, have a few toxic/water and then split once the noise level is such you can tell everyone is having a good time.

Any drama which may happen later doesn't matter and won't involve me.

I've already taken off on a positive note.
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Old 04-22-2017, 07:24 PM
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thanks all, needed to read each and every one of these posts on this topic tonight. i i do get fomo and i do wish i was 'normal' - 76 days in or so and taking it one day and especially weekend at a time. i had years once so i know that thinking does go away after a while. but it can rear its ugly head anytime it wants to also so we have to be ready.
tiff
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Old 04-22-2017, 09:05 PM
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Great topic harley1973,
For me it's about acceptance. I was born this way. My body is not wired to drink alcohol normally. I just can't stop once I start. I knew this from day one and kept going anyway. I guess I see others drinking and really don't care. It's their choice and desire. Doesn't affect me at all. Just know Harley that you can't drink anymore. It will never work for you anymore. It's out to kill you now. That's the only way you can look at this. It's a deadly disease and you have it. Just surrender to sobriety and move on. 2 months is great, just think what 2 years could do. It's awesome and you know this.
Go on about your recovery and ignore the normal drinkers. This too shall pass, trust me.
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Old 04-22-2017, 09:15 PM
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Not casting aspersions upon anyone else here but I wasn't particularly emotionally mature when I got sober so yeah, I was envious of drinkers...heck I was downright jealous.

It seemed unfair to me they could do something I couldn't...and What seemed worse was they took it all for granted.

Another part of me was really down on myself over all the stunts I pulled and the embarrassing things I did...so I had a very low threshhold for drunk talk or drunk BS.

I don't think I was very good company for drinkers for a while.....

But...I changed, I grew, and I worked out that I wanted to be sober...I preferred life this way...

I wasn't angry at drinkers anymore, nor did I feel contempt, or envy

I feel compassion for drinkers like me now - but no pity cos I know they have the same chance of changing their lives as I did mine, if they want.

D
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Old 04-22-2017, 09:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Harley1973 View Post
Anyone else get angry when you see the normal people drinking and having a good time? This is becoming a trigger for me. I have a little over 2 months sober after relapsing after 2 years clean and I've noticed it just pisses me off to see others drinking normal.

I know I can never drink again unless I wanna end up on another bender but its that never ending quest to try to be normal that bites me in the ass every time.
You can drink if you want to! Why don't you try not going to places where drink is the main event. Why would you want to be surrounded by people drinking if you're trying to stay sober?
You now need to see the hideousness for what it is and let go of that old life. You will never look back x
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Old 04-22-2017, 09:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Gottalife View Post
I can't say I have ever felt that way. When I as drinking, I used to get angry at myself because I couldn't do what they did, and I used to think there was something wrong with the ones who had a couple and wanted to be home with their families, but I never got annoyed about the drinking of others after I got sober.

FOMO is a good one. My. Local pub was, I thought, the center of the universe, it was were life happened. If I wasn't there I was missing out. I was one of those naughty AA people who kept nipping into the pub on my way home after a meeting, just to have a coke and seemy "friends". It was always just before closing time, and they were at their best. One of my memorable spiritual experiences was the night that I saw the truth about the place for the first time.

It stunk, it was dirty, the people were all drunk and talking rubbish. They didn't care about me. If I had dropped dead, it would have been their excuse for more drinking. There was nothing there for me. I left without having a coke and never went back.
Awesome reply
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