The biggest factor in your latest relapse?
 

Mine was trying to force myself to be something I was not (religious). Every effort to "fix" what was not good enough or "sinful" chipped away at my self esteem and drove me in to a deep depression and back to drinking (on the first day of Lent, ironically).

This time I am just going to try and by myself. The only thing I have to be is sober, and everything else will fall in line, I don't have to force anything. Who I am is good enough.

What were your biggest relapse triggers, especially after long periods of sobriety, and what did you learn or do different the next time?

(Not asking for personally directed advice, but rather opening up a discussion here)

The biggest factor in my lapses is complacency and the thought that I had it nailed and one glass won't hurt.

For me it was believing that I could moderate my drinking. And I could, for a short while and then I just resumed at where I left off and it quickly got even worse than that.

I think what didn't help was that before my only tool was willpower. This time I have tried to learn more about alcohol addiction and I feel I have a better understanding of what's needed for recovery - my main source of info. has been this forum which is fantastic. This time I have added other tools to help me: jogging and being aware that I may have been self-medicating and emotional and mental issues may come to the fore now I've stopped.

The thing I'm finding the hardest (I'm on day 33) is still accepting that I cannot moderate. I don't know how I can fully do this but until I do I think I'm always going to feel slightly precarious in my sobriety.

Complacency and a weak base of recovery.

I only ever delved into recovery (out patient and counselling) for the first year of my sobriety and then got into a place of complacency and believing "I got this". I had not built up any coping skills, I continued to feel sorry for myself and live as a victim. I did not learn to "accept life on life's terms". I did not learn about acceptance.

I was 26 when I quit the first time, lasted for 6 years and then when the slightest ill wind blew through, I picked up for the next 22 ish years.

This is the second and final time finding my way back, 2 yrs and almost 4 mths and onward!

I have learned more about myself in the short time I have been at SR than I did in my prior 6 yr stint.

And this time I am not going to stop. Turns out there is enough learning and growing to keep me busy to my last breath.

To sobriety and onward!

Thanks for asking, bc :tyou

You don't need a new design for living, or a search for the meaning of life, in order to recover from alcohol dependence. A new lifestyle will come on its own time, possibly without much conscious planning, once the alcohol consumption ends. You may simply adapt to a new reality.

As long as you consider alcohol consumption a symptom, the option to drink will remain on the table, at least while the cause of the 'symptom' still exists. Alcohol is neither a symptom, nor medicine for any symptoms, except for those caused by withdrawal from alcohol consumption itself.

Precisely.

The belief that alcohol was a symptom, or that it provided symptom relief for some other malady, which I could not discern. The problem turned out to be the intolerance of desire, rather than the 'triggers' of desire.

I realized that my desire for the absence of the desire to drink in order to abstain, was simply a plan to drink in the presence of that desire. To the extent that anything I did qualifies as 'acceptance', this would be it.

I didn't work enough on my recovery, I quit drinking for eight years and although it improved my life greatly, I was still incredibly restless with high anxiety, bored and isolated. Also my identity was tied to being "the life of the party", I felt very lost when I quit that whole lifestyle. I didn't really know who I was without alcohol/partying. This time around I'm reaching out and trying to do things differently.

You chose to relapse. Looking for support in that isn't a good thing.

loneliness, no connections , boredom. No real reasons to quit other than avoiding nasty withdrawals. John

"What were your biggest relapse triggers, especially after long periods of sobriety, and what did you learn or do different the next time? "


the way most people consider a relapse is they are after a drink.
personally I believe relapse ends with a drink- its premeditated.

as far as the relapse that is after a drink- I haven't had one.

as far as the relapse ending with a drink, I had one of those. I was in relapse mode and came dam close to drinking.
I was a dry drunk- took my will and life back and wasnt doing anything more than going to meetings. I wasnt learning, helping others,praying- not drinking was good enough.

just my opinion,brenda, but I didn't read you trying to force religion onto yourself. I read you complicating the crap out of it. I read a LOT of rationalization and justification for insanity.a LOT of obsessive,attention seeking behavior and justifying why what people were pointing out either wasnt true or why the solutions given weren't right for you- terminal uniqueness.

Guys..

The idea is to share what we have learned from our mistakes.

This is a positive topic, let's not bring each other down.

To clarify, the idea here is not to "blame" one's relapse on something out of our control. We are acknowledging that we chose to relapse, of course. But looking back, can we pinpoint WHY we weren't successful and exactly what we are going to focus on improving this time.

Hope that helps!

The greatest factor in my returning to drinking so many time was my inability to deal with my problems and my fundamental reluctance to find real solutions for those problems.

Over time this liberal application of alcohol germinated into a persistent case of alcoholism.

I'd convinced myself I was fine, my life was fine, I needed no changes, and all I needed to do was 'not drink so much'.

I don't think I've ever been so wrong on all counts as I was then.

D

I was unsuccessful when "bootstrapping" my sobriety. I attempted to not drink alone. The Fly DIY program was like driving an old car with engine problems; start/stop/start/stop/start.......bucking like an ole mule down the road.

The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is what was different in my life this last time. My view is that much like a fever is symptomatic of an underlying infection, drinking alcoholically is symptomatic.

The good news is there are multiple solutions available today if one desires above all things to get sober. While this program works for me, it is promised not to work when attempted it in a half measure sort of way. That gained me nothing.......

The only thing I need to do perfectly regardless of program or not is don't take that first drink. That give us the opportunity to discuss what fortifies the action of not drinking.

Brenda, if you want to do this on your own there is no reason that you can't. Most people do in fact. I recommend reading up on AVRT and using the technique to end your addiction once and for all!

I'm going to keep this simple the biggest factors in anyone's relapse is lack of acceptance & not using tools learnt in sobriety

zenchase, I love your signature line. SO TRUE!

The biggest factor in my failed sobriety attempts was me. Either I didn't commit to a plan, or I didn't have one. I also didn't fully accept my addiction for what it was.

I just now drank after 29 days.
What is the factor? Truth?
Me.
I just threw away the most time I've had in the last 4.5 years... BC why? BC I still don't have the coping skills?
I could say it's the way my ex husband just nullified me to nothingness (again) but no..It's just me. I do this to me. I let him get to me. I listen to my disease talking S#@+ to me in my own voice. I give my power away.
The drink hasn't even hit me yet...The guilt shame and remorse, just like the precursors to this slip, hit well before the temp high.
I need to do better. Need to go through it, no skirting around it. It's going to be there waiting for me.

1 is too many and a thousand are never enough.

You can learn to recognize that voice as distinct from your own voice, Jules. This is a little tricky at first, because, as you've noticed, it appears to be you. It also tends to re-organize itself and 'change' once you start to catch on, but you can recognize it regardless.

Like a chameleon, the voice is a master of illusions, but if you learn how to recognize it, then it won't be able to trick you into giving your power away again so easily. You just need to put in a little effort into learning how to do so.

Welcome aboard Jules - you'll find a lot of help support and understanding here.

Just because we never have doesn't mean we never can :)

D