MsCooterBrown

No matter what reason you want to use...the biggest factor is I chose to drink instead of going with my pre-planned Plan B. I finally know I don't need a reason. They can just pop up daily...there for you to grab. Friends die...your Jeep engine [email protected] out...the wind is making me crazy...there are a million of them!

I am attempting to add DEEP breathing on to my Plan B. Alcohol is a brutal addiction that is all I know!

BullDog777

i think mine was pretty simple...i always thought i had another chance at sobriety. I'd get bored, angry, complacent, in some cases, feel better and i'd just go back out thinking i could taper myself down and get clean on my own whenever i was really ready.

I chased that for 4 years right into a nearly fatal bout of withdrawal.

I think some of the best advise i ever got in therapy while i was in rehab was this:
1. you really aren't as smart as you think you are.
2. Keep things simple. When you constantly self- analyze and Lord forbid, pontificate, you forget rule number 1 and then you're half way out the door.
3. You're out of chances. period. re-read rules 1-2.

Soberwolf

Welcome Jules

LadyBlue0527

Point blank, failure to be realistic that sobriety, regardless of confidence in it and length of time, is as fragile as a piece of blown glass in a daycare. Sobriety is not owned, it's leased and rent is due daily.

Gottalife

My last relapse wasn't really a relapse because it occurred when there had been no recovery. I slipped back into the mire because I wasn't quite convinced, in spite of over whelming evidence, that I was an alcoholic. It wasn't so much a relapse as a diagnostic experiment, armed with certain facts about alcoholism. The facts turned out to be correct, and I was in a position to recover.

BrendaChenowyth

I focused too much on numbers. Right now, I only care that I'm past the worst of withdrawals and will feel better today than I did when I was drinking.

FBL

I couldn't stop until I finally admitted defeat. Alcohol had kicked my ass for so many years, that I just had to totally surrender any thoughts of ever drinking again. That's when my true recovery began.

Aellyce

I relapsed for a couple months after two years of sobriety. My most typical triggers are when I try to reward myself for something well done, or escape from responsibilities I don't want to deal with into a drunken stupor. So it's been very important for me in sobriety to learn to reward myself in healthy ways and to resist the temptation for escaping as it never solves anything, just delays/exacerbates the problem. Basically, I just like the effect of alcohol, there isn't anything much more sophisticated about it. It's about pleasure-seeking. So it's important to have healthy things in my life that provide pleasure and satisfaction and not starve myself from these, neglecting basic needs. Every single time when I drank in spite of wanting to quit or maintain my recovery in the grander scheme, I basically gave into momentary impulses and desires. My biggest challenge about staying sober was learning how to handle those impulses without acting out. I really did not have more abstract or esoteric explanations or excuses.

I really like the advice BullDog posted above. That was also my issue countless times: thinking that I can get away with drinking and outsmart my addiction. Does not happen, or not for too long.

Jules714

Thanks, Soberwolf!

thomas11

Proud to say I haven't relapsed, and one of the main reasons is I log into this forum every day and can read a story of someone in misery. It brings back vivid memories of what awaits if I go back. So far so good. Counting my blessings.

ThatWasTheOldMe

Things I said to people while drunk.

BrendaChenowyth

I don't understand.

MsCooterBrown

I understand. I have said some horrible stuff when drunk. AND sometimes I meant every single word of it! I just could have said it in a less finger pointing..insulting way. Sometimes my words were uncalled for. For that part...I am sorry.

BrendaChenowyth

I understand that we do that when drunk, but why after a period of time sober, would that cause you to drink again?

BrendaChenowyth

I apologize. I'm going through a bit of brain fog on days 5-6 here...

ScottFromWI

We drink because we are alcoholics. There are a myriad of stressors, situations, "triggers", cravings that might make us more likely to want to drink, but at the end of the day it is all about avoidance/escape. In your specific question above one might feel embarrassed or shameful about something they said or did when drunk - and then drink again to avoid facing that person or facing the consequences.

And the real bottom line is that there will always be stressors and problems in life....it is impossible to avoid them all. We have to learn how do deal with them in a healthy manner besides drinking.

AKA--- the reason we drink is US, not some situation outside us.

BrendaChenowyth

Yes, we go back to that because that is our coping mechanism. Others may go back to risky sex, drug use or gambling or whatever.. But when we're in recovery from our addiction and we go off in the wrong direction and we end up back where we started, especially when we had been doing well, I think it is helpful to identify what we did or didn't do that caused us to regress back to our old ways. So it's not a question here of why we drink / we drink because we're alcoholics, it's what mistakes do we make in recovery that we are not successful.

Optimist4ever57

Ditto. My personal life was in a shambles: cheating husband, divorce, estrangement from family...and that's when then drinking started.

Now, it's usually some anxiety provoking conversation with my daughter (texting), or worrying about my grands. I just want the anxiety to go away.

ScottFromWI

I think you are wrestling with semantics here Brenda. Recovery/sobriety is all about learning new coping skills. We will always make mistakes in life, but trying to nail down individual ones that specifically "make us drink" is a futile exercise. There will always be something....and new ones will always come out of nowhere.

The key is to formulate a plan/way of life to deal with mistakes, stress, "triggers". That might include a formal recovery plan. Maybe rehab for some. Perhaps therapy for others. But none of those plans have a list of things to avoid per se....they teach us how to deal with them when they come. And the only real mistake that matters is not having a plan or not following it.

BrendaChenowyth

It isn't semantics because there IS a difference between saying "I drank because this happened, I used it as an excuse, I need to admit that I drink because I drink" and saying "My recovery stopped because I allowed my thinking become rigid and that caused me to become depressed and that caused me to stop caring and that meant that when things got hard I didn't mind drinking".

I stopped drinking, but it wasn't enough. I also had to figure out why I drank, and what needed fixed in my life. So in making a renewed effort to start over in recovery, I need to be able to identify what mistakes I made before, and it is more in depth than "I drank". I understand that it is that simple for some, but it isn't for me.

I didn't go to meetings, I didn't go to therapy, I didn't do a lot of things. I don't get to say those things aren't related to my failed recovery effort and just say I drank because I drank. It isn't just semantics.