Goddamn work parties.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 10
Goddamn work parties.
This is more of a rant than anything else.
I'm still to this new "staying dry" thing, and I feel like my work is deliberately trying to sabotage me. We're coming up on completions of a few different projects, and they keep sending mass emails announcing receptions with full bars in the lobby. (Booze actually /in/ the four corners of the office is not a frequent occurrence, though people regularly go for happy hours outside.)
My brain keeps doing the, "oh hey, be social, just have a beer, you've done fine for the past few days" number. I know that's just inanity. I think I'm just going to lock myself in my office until my work is through and high tail the hell out of there after.
That's not too antisocial, is it? I feel like I know myself well enough to know that if I stay I'll wind up making some bad decisions.
I'm still to this new "staying dry" thing, and I feel like my work is deliberately trying to sabotage me. We're coming up on completions of a few different projects, and they keep sending mass emails announcing receptions with full bars in the lobby. (Booze actually /in/ the four corners of the office is not a frequent occurrence, though people regularly go for happy hours outside.)
My brain keeps doing the, "oh hey, be social, just have a beer, you've done fine for the past few days" number. I know that's just inanity. I think I'm just going to lock myself in my office until my work is through and high tail the hell out of there after.
That's not too antisocial, is it? I feel like I know myself well enough to know that if I stay I'll wind up making some bad decisions.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by wittywitless 
I think I'm just going to lock myself in my office until my work is through and high tail the hell out of there after.
That's not too antisocial, is it? I feel like I know myself well enough to know that if I stay I'll wind up making some bad decisions.
That's not too antisocial, is it? I feel like I know myself well enough to know that if I stay I'll wind up making some bad decisions.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Ahh, thanks. What I've done in the past is have a beer or three with folks and then gone home to polish off way too much whiskey by myself. (Talk about covering up your problems; on some level I guess I realized how much I want to drink isn't socially acceptable. heh.) I really don't want to go down that road again.
ETA: at some people I need to learn how to people without booze. I have some degree of social anxiety and the beers always helped me ignore it. I think that's a battle for another day though. Right now I'm just gonna focus on staying sober, even if it makes me a hermit for a bit.
ETA: at some people I need to learn how to people without booze. I have some degree of social anxiety and the beers always helped me ignore it. I think that's a battle for another day though. Right now I'm just gonna focus on staying sober, even if it makes me a hermit for a bit.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by wittywitless
That's not too antisocial, is it? I feel like I know myself well enough to know that if I stay I'll wind up making some bad decisions.
anti social?
its a work thing,right?
to me, being social doesn't involve work things.
imo, no, its not being antisocial- its protecting your sobriety and I hope ya do whatever ya have to do to protect your sobriety. its very valuable.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
p.s.
any way you could possibly block them emails about the receptions?
im not very computer savvy(but can type with 3 fingers now!) so don't know if its possible to stop only certain emails from somewhere.
any way you could possibly block them emails about the receptions?
im not very computer savvy(but can type with 3 fingers now!) so don't know if its possible to stop only certain emails from somewhere.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by tomsteve
very dam good to read you remember
its a work thing,right?
to me, being social doesn't involve work things.
its a work thing,right?
to me, being social doesn't involve work things.
I would definitely opt for the blocking emails option, but unfortunately the person who sends them also sends out other important things.
Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate them a lot.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I never ever let my guard down at work.
IT IS WORK - its not friends or family, its colleagues and managers.
Some of my greatest mistakes were made at the free bar at work.
There were colleagues that took great delight in what I did and fill me in the next day.
No job is that important that I will drink in those circumstances ever again.
I would rather have no job.
I find it even more tedious having to listen to work colleagues go on and on and on about the same boring stuff when they have had too much to drink.
You will be able to manage times like this without giving it a 2nd thought.
It just takes a bit of time.
Trust me, its worth it.
IT IS WORK - its not friends or family, its colleagues and managers.
Some of my greatest mistakes were made at the free bar at work.
There were colleagues that took great delight in what I did and fill me in the next day.
No job is that important that I will drink in those circumstances ever again.
I would rather have no job.
I find it even more tedious having to listen to work colleagues go on and on and on about the same boring stuff when they have had too much to drink.
You will be able to manage times like this without giving it a 2nd thought.
It just takes a bit of time.
Trust me, its worth it.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Work parties are the worst!
If you are not drinking, that is.
I avoided as many drink events as I could in early sobriety. Fortunately, I had a bit of a commute and could use that excuse about staying after work hours were done.
People accepted that easily.
If you do go, make sure you have a glass of something soft in your hand at all times. People don't usually bug if they see you have a drink.
If you think going will be a trigger, don't go. Guard your sobriety. It's easy to lose and tough to get back.
Peace.
If you are not drinking, that is.
I avoided as many drink events as I could in early sobriety. Fortunately, I had a bit of a commute and could use that excuse about staying after work hours were done.
People accepted that easily.
If you do go, make sure you have a glass of something soft in your hand at all times. People don't usually bug if they see you have a drink.
If you think going will be a trigger, don't go. Guard your sobriety. It's easy to lose and tough to get back.
Peace.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by Sasha4
I never ever let my guard down at work.
IT IS WORK - its not friends or family, its colleagues and managers.
Some of my greatest mistakes were made at the free bar at work.
There were colleagues that took great delight in what I did and fill me in the next day.
No job is that important that I will drink in those circumstances ever again.
I would rather have no job.
I find it even more tedious having to listen to work colleagues go on and on and on about the same boring stuff when they have had too much to drink.
You will be able to manage times like this without giving it a 2nd thought.
It just takes a bit of time.
Trust me, its worth it.
IT IS WORK - its not friends or family, its colleagues and managers.
Some of my greatest mistakes were made at the free bar at work.
There were colleagues that took great delight in what I did and fill me in the next day.
No job is that important that I will drink in those circumstances ever again.
I would rather have no job.
I find it even more tedious having to listen to work colleagues go on and on and on about the same boring stuff when they have had too much to drink.
You will be able to manage times like this without giving it a 2nd thought.
It just takes a bit of time.
Trust me, its worth it.
I'm not jeopardizing my sobriety for anyone at all.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 793
Originally Posted by sunshine72
Or you could do like I did, get hammered, hit on the boss, get fired. lol I'd skip it for now!! FYI... I was single at the time.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
We had a killer 1st quarter at work and I went to a monthly lunch I have with the big brass at work.
We were discussing some of the wins we had in Q1 and I had a list of things I wanted to share with the big boss, Director of Sales North America, we were all fired up and the big guy said this calls for a shot!!
Waitress came back he said we want to do a shot, I want this, you know how to make it, she said I can google it, next guy says, I'll have the same, next guy says, I'll have a tequila the expensive stuff.. my turn, he looks at me and ask what will you have, I kinda smiled and laughed and said, I don't drink that stuff sorry.. So he says, well do a shot of water with me, I said, right on!!
Everyone got their glass, I made sure mine was water, downed it and slammed it on the table and said, "Ahhhhhhhhhhh that was great!! True story!!
We were discussing some of the wins we had in Q1 and I had a list of things I wanted to share with the big boss, Director of Sales North America, we were all fired up and the big guy said this calls for a shot!!
Waitress came back he said we want to do a shot, I want this, you know how to make it, she said I can google it, next guy says, I'll have the same, next guy says, I'll have a tequila the expensive stuff.. my turn, he looks at me and ask what will you have, I kinda smiled and laughed and said, I don't drink that stuff sorry.. So he says, well do a shot of water with me, I said, right on!!
Everyone got their glass, I made sure mine was water, downed it and slammed it on the table and said, "Ahhhhhhhhhhh that was great!! True story!!
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Gloucester, MA
Posts: 8
Avoidance from booze-heavy work functions helped me greatly. I recommend it. Eventually, you will feel comfortable attending and not drinking, but early on when you are fragile and still having those dangerous thoughts....AVOID. Nothing wrong with this at all. Make up excuses and use them frequently. Kids, exercise, spouses, hobbies all make for great excuses to avoid.
Now, I attend some work events. If people ask why I am not drinking I just say "I don't drink anymore." It has yet to go beyond that. Frankly, I don't give a f*#k if they care. I am sober and proud of it. But really, most people don't ask or even notice. You think they notice or care more than they really do.
If someone presses further on why I am not drinking (rare), I will simply say "I don't like drinking." If they ask again, I will ignore them or say the same thing again until they go away.
99% will get it with your first response and leave you alone. It really won't be a big deal. The big thing is to avoid until you are confident and comfortable.
Also, remember why you are here: booze is not your friend, it is your nemesis. You do not need it to fit in, be funny, be more likable or relieve your stress. Those are just insidious mind tricks that you must learn to develop a self-awareness of. Then you need to stomp those thoughts out like the nasty, little cockroaches that they are.
Best of luck. You can do it!
Now, I attend some work events. If people ask why I am not drinking I just say "I don't drink anymore." It has yet to go beyond that. Frankly, I don't give a f*#k if they care. I am sober and proud of it. But really, most people don't ask or even notice. You think they notice or care more than they really do.
If someone presses further on why I am not drinking (rare), I will simply say "I don't like drinking." If they ask again, I will ignore them or say the same thing again until they go away.
99% will get it with your first response and leave you alone. It really won't be a big deal. The big thing is to avoid until you are confident and comfortable.
Also, remember why you are here: booze is not your friend, it is your nemesis. You do not need it to fit in, be funny, be more likable or relieve your stress. Those are just insidious mind tricks that you must learn to develop a self-awareness of. Then you need to stomp those thoughts out like the nasty, little cockroaches that they are.
Best of luck. You can do it!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet Earth (most days)
Posts: 1,596
Originally Posted by Dave42001
We had a killer 1st quarter at work and I went to a monthly lunch I have with the big brass at work.
We were discussing some of the wins we had in Q1 and I had a list of things I wanted to share with the big boss, Director of Sales North America, we were all fired up and the big guy said this calls for a shot!!
Waitress came back he said we want to do a shot, I want this, you know how to make it, she said I can google it, next guy says, I'll have the same, next guy says, I'll have a tequila the expensive stuff.. my turn, he looks at me and ask what will you have, I kinda smiled and laughed and said, I don't drink that stuff sorry.. So he says, well do a shot of water with me, I said, right on!!
Everyone got their glass, I made sure mine was water, downed it and slammed it on the table and said, "Ahhhhhhhhhhh that was great!! True story!!
We were discussing some of the wins we had in Q1 and I had a list of things I wanted to share with the big boss, Director of Sales North America, we were all fired up and the big guy said this calls for a shot!!
Waitress came back he said we want to do a shot, I want this, you know how to make it, she said I can google it, next guy says, I'll have the same, next guy says, I'll have a tequila the expensive stuff.. my turn, he looks at me and ask what will you have, I kinda smiled and laughed and said, I don't drink that stuff sorry.. So he says, well do a shot of water with me, I said, right on!!
Everyone got their glass, I made sure mine was water, downed it and slammed it on the table and said, "Ahhhhhhhhhhh that was great!! True story!!
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Add me to the list of folks that have avoided work functions for the most part for a year. And just last Sunday I hit 1 full year of sobriety! Coincidence? 
No idea if it's permanent or not....but I take each event as it comes. The 2 times I did go, I had a good reason (to celebrate certain milestones) and I made an appearance, ate some food, and departed without incident. I skipped on the events that were too centered around the booze and were merely social gatherings. I think you need to do whatever you can to make your sobriety #1. If going causes you concern or worry, skip it without regrets!
No idea if it's permanent or not....but I take each event as it comes. The 2 times I did go, I had a good reason (to celebrate certain milestones) and I made an appearance, ate some food, and departed without incident. I skipped on the events that were too centered around the booze and were merely social gatherings. I think you need to do whatever you can to make your sobriety #1. If going causes you concern or worry, skip it without regrets!
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I am ruthless about what I do, when and with whom. I do not go to a single thing- not one- that would jeopardize or even disturb my emotional sobriety. For me, that is the key because it precedes physical sobriety - if I keep spiritually fit and focused on 1, 10, and 12, physical sobriety is secured.
I just don't tolerate anything in my life that is not a positive situation or support for my main priority. Polite invitation declines, even excuse-making in some cases (though, truthfully, I can't think of any now) and clear communication of what I am all about (to the appropriate extent given the audience) is how I do it. Most people are fine with this - or don't give it a second thought. Those who do? They have some sort of problem with my life, their own drinking or whatever- and that's not my business or problem.
My first rxn to your post title - "so what? don't go" It really is that simple if sobriety, at any costs and to any lengths, is your most important priority.
I just don't tolerate anything in my life that is not a positive situation or support for my main priority. Polite invitation declines, even excuse-making in some cases (though, truthfully, I can't think of any now) and clear communication of what I am all about (to the appropriate extent given the audience) is how I do it. Most people are fine with this - or don't give it a second thought. Those who do? They have some sort of problem with my life, their own drinking or whatever- and that's not my business or problem.
My first rxn to your post title - "so what? don't go" It really is that simple if sobriety, at any costs and to any lengths, is your most important priority.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Originally Posted by August252015
I am ruthless about what I do, when and with whom. I do not go to a single thing- not one- that would jeopardize or even disturb my emotional sobriety. For me, that is the key because it precedes physical sobriety - if I keep spiritually fit and focused on 1, 10, and 12, physical sobriety is secured.
I just don't tolerate anything in my life that is not a positive situation or support for my main priority. Polite invitation declines, even excuse-making in some cases (though, truthfully, I can't think of any now) and clear communication of what I am all about (to the appropriate extent given the audience) is how I do it. Most people are fine with this - or don't give it a second thought. Those who do? They have some sort of problem with my life, their own drinking or whatever- and that's not my business or problem.
My first rxn to your post title - "so what? don't go" It really is that simple if sobriety, at any costs and to any lengths, is your most important priority.
I just don't tolerate anything in my life that is not a positive situation or support for my main priority. Polite invitation declines, even excuse-making in some cases (though, truthfully, I can't think of any now) and clear communication of what I am all about (to the appropriate extent given the audience) is how I do it. Most people are fine with this - or don't give it a second thought. Those who do? They have some sort of problem with my life, their own drinking or whatever- and that's not my business or problem.
My first rxn to your post title - "so what? don't go" It really is that simple if sobriety, at any costs and to any lengths, is your most important priority.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
In my line, there are work-related social functions that are actually work, and attendance is as compulsory at those as it is at work. It means clients will be there. So I do go to those, even where booze is present or the main event. In the early days, I strategised the heck out of them (having an "ally" present and close by, making sure I ate enough, getting out early if I could etc.). That was how I survived them sober.
Then there are work-related events that are purely social. Like the Christmas party, team dinners, etc. If booze is a big feature, I avoid them. There's not a single one of those that I've missed and thought - damn, I should have gone for the sake of my career.
Then there are work-related events that are purely social. Like the Christmas party, team dinners, etc. If booze is a big feature, I avoid them. There's not a single one of those that I've missed and thought - damn, I should have gone for the sake of my career.
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