bluedog97

Another thread made me think of this. It's like I spent years and years of my life chasing something with drink. What was I chasing?

- chasing away demons
- sex
- love
- security
- acceptance from others
- coolness
- notariety
- freedom
- chasing away the past
- chasing past highs
- chasing away past lows
- chasing away worry
- chasing away anger and resentment

Just to name a few. I chased or chased away all these with alcohol. Oh and I took my shots with a chaser, but I digress.

What did you chase?

Gottalife

In sobriety, or maybe life in general, we seem to chase the same sorts of things. Advancement, a possession, a qualification, an achievement, perhaps in the hope that whenever I get what it is I am striving for, I will be complete. But alas, no matter how well it went, at the end of the day, I was still me. It changed nothing.

Something in the big book about worship of other things......

ScottFromWI

I just wanted to get drunk for the most part because I liked how it felt initially. I also find that it's not all that productive to over-analyze WHY I drank, because it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. What's more important to me is keeping grounded in the concept that I cannot drink anymore. And that it's OK that I can't/don't drink anymore.

Ken33xx

Sex and money were always strong motivators for me.

However, it didn't matter what I was chasing. I would drink regardless of circumstances.

I just liked to drink.

bluedog97

I find it productive to analyze why I drank. And to discuss it. Simply chalking it up and saying it doesn't matter, I simply don't drink anymore is analogous to dropping a grenade down a drainpipe, plugging it, and expecting it not to explode. JMO

Unless the topic is not suitable for the message board, then that's a whole other issue entirely.

ScottFromWI

It is certainly an allowable and common topic here. My personal recovery could not have happened if i was not able to let go of the "why" aspect, I'm just sharing that. I drank because I am an alcoholic...and I don't need any more reason than that. I desperately searched for the answer for years, but really I just wanted to FIX it so I could drink normally again. So in that respect I don't feel why I am an alcoholic is important...because there is no logical explanation for an illogical problem.

SteveAlex

I was usually chasing the devil. (Sins of all variations)

Ken33xx

Happy, sad or bored I drank. It rarely mattered how things were going I drank regardless.

Ok. but why?

Hereditary? Allergy? Weak-willed or just plain f-up?

In the end it doesn't matter. I'll go with all of the above.

What's important is I realize it is best I don't pick up that first drink.

bluedog97

Yea, this sums up what I was trying to get at I think.

August252015

What matters now is that I seek (note- not chase, because it comes if I am willing to live in acceptance and surrender) peace. Joy. Honest living. Humility. Love of others. That sort of stuff.

The bad, the junk, the shameful...those things were part of a past life.

Onward.

PhoenixJ

peace and escape from myself

tomsteve

What did you chase?
was chasing, but running away from me.