Struggling with the Idea I wasn't a heavy drinker
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 17
I personally like AA, but have tried other methods. Smart recovery, and life ring are much different, and use different wording. They don't label themselves as alcoholics, and have a difference in approach, but I know people with 12 years sober through those programs.
Maybe aa isn't for you, but it doesn't mean you can't get support. I noticed when I went to lifering a higher level of functioning,, jobs, and life skills than aa in my area, but I love in aa in my area that has a lower class of people according to some, and found friends, so I stuck with it.
I didn't drink much, but when I did it was on. Sometimes binging sometimes not. It's not that I was a daily drinker even, but it screwed up my life, and mind, and I couldn't get unstuck from being forever young. Peter pan syndrome except around 30 people stopped clapping to keep tinker bell alive. This little party fairy had a sad death in her own mind.
Getting lost in the details got me drunk over, and over again, and focusing on the differences made me stay away in order to be "better than" and continue my bs. But, that is me personally.
Does it matter in the end? Are you sober? Can you try lifering, or smart recovery? There are other ways, methods, and people to get sober. Please don't let the little details separate you so much you get drunk. It's ok to try a different program. I like my felons, and bottom drunks, and found almost better support through lifering, and smart recovery, but found a home in aa.
Hope you find a place wherever you go that can support you sober, and healthy. Keep moving forward no matter what is my motto now. Drinking it was f-em. You have this site as well. If drinking isn't a big deal stay sober for a year is what they told me, and I couldn't. I did try but I couldn't, so I did what the book said and experimented and it came out with the same results. I drank 4 or more times a week a 6-12 pack depending on the day, and when I cut down could only go there days before the full effects wore off and I had to reset my brain chemistry with alcohol. It can stay in your system up to 48 hours changing brain chemistry, or longer in some cases.
Also I got tested for the genetic market MTHFR a blood mutation that affects the mind, and has to do with digestion of vitamins. I was positive for MTHFR C667T which has a supper high rate of alcoholism to compensate for the fact my body doesn't digest any b vitamins by 50% so I was self medicating with booze to make my brain chemistry change. It also has a high high rate of major depression, so I got on a light light dose of an snri which deals with both my brain chemistry flukes.
Alcoholism is way more comp!ex than what they knew in 1939 about science. Don't worry about a book as much as taking the positive and leaving the negative. Life ring, and smart recovery has books I've read which have helped so much along with the big book.
Hope you find what your looking for anywhere you go. It's not always black and white. Find what works for you.
Maybe aa isn't for you, but it doesn't mean you can't get support. I noticed when I went to lifering a higher level of functioning,, jobs, and life skills than aa in my area, but I love in aa in my area that has a lower class of people according to some, and found friends, so I stuck with it.
I didn't drink much, but when I did it was on. Sometimes binging sometimes not. It's not that I was a daily drinker even, but it screwed up my life, and mind, and I couldn't get unstuck from being forever young. Peter pan syndrome except around 30 people stopped clapping to keep tinker bell alive. This little party fairy had a sad death in her own mind.
Getting lost in the details got me drunk over, and over again, and focusing on the differences made me stay away in order to be "better than" and continue my bs. But, that is me personally.
Does it matter in the end? Are you sober? Can you try lifering, or smart recovery? There are other ways, methods, and people to get sober. Please don't let the little details separate you so much you get drunk. It's ok to try a different program. I like my felons, and bottom drunks, and found almost better support through lifering, and smart recovery, but found a home in aa.
Hope you find a place wherever you go that can support you sober, and healthy. Keep moving forward no matter what is my motto now. Drinking it was f-em. You have this site as well. If drinking isn't a big deal stay sober for a year is what they told me, and I couldn't. I did try but I couldn't, so I did what the book said and experimented and it came out with the same results. I drank 4 or more times a week a 6-12 pack depending on the day, and when I cut down could only go there days before the full effects wore off and I had to reset my brain chemistry with alcohol. It can stay in your system up to 48 hours changing brain chemistry, or longer in some cases.
Also I got tested for the genetic market MTHFR a blood mutation that affects the mind, and has to do with digestion of vitamins. I was positive for MTHFR C667T which has a supper high rate of alcoholism to compensate for the fact my body doesn't digest any b vitamins by 50% so I was self medicating with booze to make my brain chemistry change. It also has a high high rate of major depression, so I got on a light light dose of an snri which deals with both my brain chemistry flukes.
Alcoholism is way more comp!ex than what they knew in 1939 about science. Don't worry about a book as much as taking the positive and leaving the negative. Life ring, and smart recovery has books I've read which have helped so much along with the big book.
Hope you find what your looking for anywhere you go. It's not always black and white. Find what works for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 82
I'm with most of the people on this thread. If you're posting here, you obviously have some concerns that drinking is having a negative effect on your life. We're all different but that is at least the common denominator.
I've been sober for several years now and my life is much better. It's not perfect, obviously, but at least I can make bad decisions without the cloud of alcohol making them for me. I consider that to be a huge success.
However, you're asking two questions. You're asking us to validate you as an alcoholic or not, and only you can do that. You're also asking about AA and its help for you, which we also can't really help you with. That's really on you to decide what is best for you and your recovery. For me, AA didn't help. For many others it did. You have to pick the right recovery program for you to make the best changes in your life. I tried quite a few methods before I found one that would stick and I would encourage you to do the same. Even if you eventually decide that AA is not for you, it's not hurting to continue until you find a program that works for you. It's certainly better than going it on your own in early recovery which rarely works.
We're here to help. People say that recovery is a tough road, but it's really a bunch of equally tough roads and you have to make the decision on which one to take. The important thing is to start out on the journey and follow the right road for you.
I've been sober for several years now and my life is much better. It's not perfect, obviously, but at least I can make bad decisions without the cloud of alcohol making them for me. I consider that to be a huge success.
However, you're asking two questions. You're asking us to validate you as an alcoholic or not, and only you can do that. You're also asking about AA and its help for you, which we also can't really help you with. That's really on you to decide what is best for you and your recovery. For me, AA didn't help. For many others it did. You have to pick the right recovery program for you to make the best changes in your life. I tried quite a few methods before I found one that would stick and I would encourage you to do the same. Even if you eventually decide that AA is not for you, it's not hurting to continue until you find a program that works for you. It's certainly better than going it on your own in early recovery which rarely works.
We're here to help. People say that recovery is a tough road, but it's really a bunch of equally tough roads and you have to make the decision on which one to take. The important thing is to start out on the journey and follow the right road for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
I guess the answer to this could be very long. I worked the steps, had a life and attitude changing spiritual experience,
and took the principles of the AA program into every area of my life. My last meeting was in January, in New Zealand.
I love the meetings, they are my chance to give back, but my sobriety is not meeting dependent. How could it be? I was beyond human aid. I have seen an army of AAs descend on one of our number who slipped after 10 years. Did they have the power to sober him up. No, he was dead within three months. Meetings did not save him.
Three little things seem to sum it all up quite well. Trust God, clean house, help others. Meetings are a great way to help others, but not the only way. Plenty of people recover and drift away from meetings. They dont necessarily stop helping others,
and they dont necessarily drink.
As a recipe for sobriety, don't drink and go to meetings is about the least effective thing you can do in AA.
and took the principles of the AA program into every area of my life. My last meeting was in January, in New Zealand.
I love the meetings, they are my chance to give back, but my sobriety is not meeting dependent. How could it be? I was beyond human aid. I have seen an army of AAs descend on one of our number who slipped after 10 years. Did they have the power to sober him up. No, he was dead within three months. Meetings did not save him.
Three little things seem to sum it all up quite well. Trust God, clean house, help others. Meetings are a great way to help others, but not the only way. Plenty of people recover and drift away from meetings. They dont necessarily stop helping others,
and they dont necessarily drink.
As a recipe for sobriety, don't drink and go to meetings is about the least effective thing you can do in AA.
Agreed - and too many of the "old timers" believe that they have all the answers, which do more harm than good for newcomers. I hit my bottom for me - it's not on someone who's been sober for years to tell me whether I'm right or wrong. IMHO, some of the old timers are complacent - this forum has been great for me; I can take what I want and leave the rest instead of sitting in a dank church basement with a bunch of bitterness.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
So true, grayghost. One of my issues with AA (there were a few, though the fellowship helped me a great deal in early sobriety) was what I call the "alcoholic's humble brag."
Men of a certain age talking about their bad behavior and marveling that their wives STILL wouldn't leave them.
Hah!
I'm female. It was disconcerting.
I found a women only AA group, but we talked a lot about aged parents and not much about recovery.
End of the day, not the recovery program for me, though I met some very caring and supportive people there as well.
Peace.
Men of a certain age talking about their bad behavior and marveling that their wives STILL wouldn't leave them.
Hah!
I'm female. It was disconcerting.
I found a women only AA group, but we talked a lot about aged parents and not much about recovery.
End of the day, not the recovery program for me, though I met some very caring and supportive people there as well.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Maudcat
So true, grayghost. One of my issues with AA (there were a few, though the fellowship helped me a great deal in early sobriety) was what I call the "alcoholic's humble brag."
Men of a certain age talking about their bad behavior and marveling that their wives STILL wouldn't leave them.
Hah!
I'm female. It was disconcerting.
I found a women only AA group, but we talked a lot about aged parents and not much about recovery.
End of the day, not the recovery program for me, though I met some very caring and supportive people there as well.
Peace.
Men of a certain age talking about their bad behavior and marveling that their wives STILL wouldn't leave them.
Hah!
I'm female. It was disconcerting.
I found a women only AA group, but we talked a lot about aged parents and not much about recovery.
End of the day, not the recovery program for me, though I met some very caring and supportive people there as well.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
There was a time when I clung to the hope that I was "just a heavy drinker." I hoped against hope that's all I was so I could learn to moderate my drinking. I tried everything to drink less and be okay with it.
I used the fact that I've never had a DUI to keep drinking. I used the fact that I've never been arrested to keep drinking. I used the fact that I've never been hospitalized to keep drinking. It is incredible how we'll justify anything as a reason to keep drinking.
It didn't work and I continued to drink large amounts of alcohol and made myself sick every day.
I was able to stop when I accepted that I'd never be able to drink in moderation.
I used the fact that I've never had a DUI to keep drinking. I used the fact that I've never been arrested to keep drinking. I used the fact that I've never been hospitalized to keep drinking. It is incredible how we'll justify anything as a reason to keep drinking.
It didn't work and I continued to drink large amounts of alcohol and made myself sick every day.
I was able to stop when I accepted that I'd never be able to drink in moderation.
Just a nerd
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 79
I've never been that kind of drinker, either, OP. My typical night would consist of 4-6 weak beers, and it wasn't even every night. Honestly, my bloodwork would always turn up looking pretty great, but I had a feeling inside like I was being controlled, especially when I tried to quit and realized I couldn't sleep or relax at all without it.
Mind you, I've drank until I was sick countless times, but it was never anything serious. It would happen about 3 times a year, maximum.
Everyone is different, but AA (or any type of recovery method) can still apply to those who aren't deep into the hole. The fear of falling into said hole means that you're just ahead of the curve, whether or not you relate to what the majority of people in said recovery group have experienced.
I like to see alcohol use and alcoholism as a simple spectrum - challenge any 'casual' drinker to a month without it and I bet you'll be able to challenge them on their failure to stop, too. Food for thought.
Mind you, I've drank until I was sick countless times, but it was never anything serious. It would happen about 3 times a year, maximum.
Everyone is different, but AA (or any type of recovery method) can still apply to those who aren't deep into the hole. The fear of falling into said hole means that you're just ahead of the curve, whether or not you relate to what the majority of people in said recovery group have experienced.
I like to see alcohol use and alcoholism as a simple spectrum - challenge any 'casual' drinker to a month without it and I bet you'll be able to challenge them on their failure to stop, too. Food for thought.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 60
I was so pleased to see your post this morning as for the past few weeks I have been googling am I alcoholic enough!! I have been feeling the same so I can't offer you advice, seems you have plenty of wise words received. My head was telling me I'm not the perfect alcoholic as I was never locked up, visited A&E or any of the other stories I listen to in the meetings. I have always felt the need to be perfect in what I do, from sharing at meetings to being the perfect mother, daughter, employee the list goes on.
I thank you for posting this thread as I was too scared to.
Ally
I thank you for posting this thread as I was too scared to.
Ally
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
I use AA as my primary program of recovery. Their meeting availability is much more accessible than any other. SR is a great platform to get my mind off myself.
I always knew I had an issue with alcohol but I didn't want to identify with alcoholics. It took many experiments and years of unsuccessful drinking to finally get to the rooms of AA. Then I still looked for differences with people's shares. When I started to identify I tried to prove I wasn't an alcoholic. I had roughly 90 days sober and I heard about Marty Mann's test to prove if you are or aren't an alcoholic. She said, go have three drinks no more and no less everyday at the same time for 30 days. If you can do this then you're most likely not an alcoholic. I lasted two days and since then I have had no problem identifying as an alcoholic. I can't control my drinking once I start.
good luck and many prayers
I always knew I had an issue with alcohol but I didn't want to identify with alcoholics. It took many experiments and years of unsuccessful drinking to finally get to the rooms of AA. Then I still looked for differences with people's shares. When I started to identify I tried to prove I wasn't an alcoholic. I had roughly 90 days sober and I heard about Marty Mann's test to prove if you are or aren't an alcoholic. She said, go have three drinks no more and no less everyday at the same time for 30 days. If you can do this then you're most likely not an alcoholic. I lasted two days and since then I have had no problem identifying as an alcoholic. I can't control my drinking once I start.
good luck and many prayers
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by positivelady67
I was so pleased to see your post this morning as for the past few weeks I have been googling am I alcoholic enough!! I have been feeling the same so I can't offer you advice, seems you have plenty of wise words received. My head was telling me I'm not the perfect alcoholic as I was never locked up, visited A&E or any of the other stories I listen to in the meetings. I have always felt the need to be perfect in what I do, from sharing at meetings to being the perfect mother, daughter, employee the list goes on.
I thank you for posting this thread as I was too scared to.
Ally
I thank you for posting this thread as I was too scared to.
Ally
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
I got sober when I was 31, which is actually reasonably young for purposes of getting sober.
If I had gotten sober earlier, my drinking story wouldn't have as many chapters as it does.
I wish you the best, whatever you choose.
But I think having the clarity of mind to make this determination is quite a gift, and I hope you take it to heart.
One thing I have noticed from being sober is that giving up alcohol, which seemed to be an insurmountable hurdle at first, doesn't cause me to miss much of anything in life that I would like to have back.
Drinking, on the other hand, would cause me to lose everything which goes to make my life so great (happy, joyous and free, as we AA types would say).
I wouldn't trade my life sober for the ability to take a drink or two for anything in the world.
If I had gotten sober earlier, my drinking story wouldn't have as many chapters as it does.
I wish you the best, whatever you choose.
But I think having the clarity of mind to make this determination is quite a gift, and I hope you take it to heart.
One thing I have noticed from being sober is that giving up alcohol, which seemed to be an insurmountable hurdle at first, doesn't cause me to miss much of anything in life that I would like to have back.
Drinking, on the other hand, would cause me to lose everything which goes to make my life so great (happy, joyous and free, as we AA types would say).
I wouldn't trade my life sober for the ability to take a drink or two for anything in the world.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 1,972
Originally Posted by tomsteve
thoughts?
yer lookin at the wrong part of alcoholism. look at the thinking.
heres the opening to the 2nd set of stories in the bb. might wanna start reading and listening to people that stopped at the same stage of alcoholism as you did
they stopped in time
We think that about one-half of today's incoming A.A. members were never advanced cases of alcoholism; though, given time, all might have been.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The twelve who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these twelve A.A.'s, and thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."
yer lookin at the wrong part of alcoholism. look at the thinking.
heres the opening to the 2nd set of stories in the bb. might wanna start reading and listening to people that stopped at the same stage of alcoholism as you did
they stopped in time
We think that about one-half of today's incoming A.A. members were never advanced cases of alcoholism; though, given time, all might have been.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The twelve who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these twelve A.A.'s, and thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."
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