Travissss

Over the past few months I've been really trying to quit drinking. It's putting a huge strain on my (new) marriage. I make it a few weeks and then I drink. Sometimes just for one day and I'm back on the wagon for a week or two. This last time I made it 29 days until yesterday. I drank. A verbal fight started. And here I am sitting outside alone feeling like a complete loser. Communication is non existent today between my wife and I. I have no idea what to say to her and I know she has every right to be angry with me. It's a hard confusing situation. Thank you for listening.

Dee74

Hi Travisss

In my experience apologies pretty much mean nothing when both parties know you're gonna drink again...

Maybe it's time to think about a definite recovery plan and leaving the stop start pattern behind for good?

Have you ever thought of AA or some other meeting based group maybe?

D

Gottalife

The solution is not in what you say to her, but why she sees you do. Alcoholics of my type had no effective defence against the first drink, which led to your situation. Many people disappointed over and over again lose confidence that we can ever quit. It usually takes quite a while for family to believe we are on the right path at last.

Sometimes even the most powerful desire to quit is not enough. Recovering from an illness like this will take action and support, and a very good plan. Most alcoholics of my type have a thing about reinventing the wheel, which is a very slow and dangerous way forward. In the end I went to AA, the place with a track record of success. I used their plan, followed their suggestions, and never drank again. You could do worse

Doug39

During the 27 years of my daily drinking I tried to quit drinking more times than I can count. But my heart wasn't in it and "just quitting" doesn't work.

I had to hit rock bottom before I finally quit and then I went to and still go to AA meetings 6 days a week. I had to work the Steps, completely change my life and my way of thinking to be and stay sober.

Just quitting doesn't work. My 80 year old alcoholic father quite drinking 25 years ago due to medical issues but he is a dry drunk - the same miserable, self centered person he was when he was drinking. He never worked a program or worked out why he is an alcoholic.

Good luck.

doggonecarl

It's hard, but it's not confusing. You have to quit drinking and you have to do whatever it takes to stay quit. If you don't know what to say to your wife, it's probably because you've already worn out, "It will never happen again."

You are past words. Time for action. You've got 15 posts in over a year. If you are going to use Sober Recovery, USE it. Read and post daily, join a newcomer's class, and (and get ready for this) participate in a formal recovery program. Because if you could have done it on your own, you would have already.

PhoenixJ

meeting?

fini

what's confusing, Travissss?
what do you not have clarity on?

Fly N Buy

Wasn't bad trying to get good but sick trying to get well. I had to seek more help as I couldn't will it away.

LuluBread

The few measly hours of drinking is not worth the misery. Grab a hold of that inner voice telling you it's ok to drink and squish it. Unlock the chains to the cage you are in and set yourself free from the poison that crushes all of your strength. Remember the saying, "actions speak louder than words". This might have been a "hiccup" to you, but your wife might be thinking otherwise. DOG says 15 posts in one year. I don't think you will get any marital advice here. Get a plan in action and stick with it. It's not ok to keep treading water. We are all dispensable....but sometimes we can become very dispensable.

least

Right now it seems that you still want to drink more than you want to stay happily married. I hope you get your priorities straight before something really bad happens.

Travissss

I really don't want to drink anymore. I just keep tricking myself into thinking it's gonna be fine. We had a long talk about what needs to happen ND she still has confidence in me. I've been having a hard time accepting that I need meetings or treatment. I've been to one AA meeting about a month ago and I have decided to go back. I even knew people there. Also I'm gonna be more present at this place. Even today reading your replys has made me feel much more hopeful. I am being lazy about it and I owe myself and everyone else so much more. I was feeling very losery yesterday and today. Maybe I will find ways to silence or work with the internal struggle between the hopeful side of me and the thirsty side of me. Thank you for your words and advice, I take them to heart. I need to get consistent with recovery. I am to far past just quitting on my own.

tomsteve

discipline is necessary. maybe put a note on your fridge and mirror to remind ya.
i put notes here and there to remind me why and how to get sober. my memory machine didnt work too good but my forgetting machine was finely tuned.
them notes helped me to not make excuses to not put in the footwork.

Travissss

Thats a good idea. I also heard something else about setting alarms on your phone. Some type of a pick me up message as the title. Some type of reminder to myself would definitely be helpful.

MarkTwain

You are indeed, Travis.

Hanging out in AA for a while could help you with the tricks, the rationalizations, the struggles, the laziness, and all that other devious stuff you mention.

Are you ready to do whatever it takes?

SteveAlex

You got this Travisss!

SoberLeigh

Following up on Dee's question regarding a plan, have you seen this thread:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...highlight=psst

Seems as though a rock-solid, air-tight plan could help considerably in your efforts to achieve sobriety.

SoberLeigh

Regular attendance at AA sounds great, Traviss.

You and your marriage are worth every effort.