The next step - sponsorship
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
The next step - sponsorship
I am almost 6 months sober and I just finished up Step 9.
My sponsor is after me to sponsor someone else - he tells me I am ready and I need to do this to move forward in the program.
Today at an AA meeting I gave my phone number to a guy that was new (he just got out of treatment and it was his second meeting).
I am nervous about being a sponsor because I don't want to steer anyone the wrong way.
Any advice would be appreciated.
My sponsor is after me to sponsor someone else - he tells me I am ready and I need to do this to move forward in the program.
Today at an AA meeting I gave my phone number to a guy that was new (he just got out of treatment and it was his second meeting).
I am nervous about being a sponsor because I don't want to steer anyone the wrong way.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
good on ya,doug!
we are responsible for carrying "this message". i am responsible for carrying the message that's in the big book and the message that was given to me.
im not responsible for what the sponsee does with it.
we are responsible for carrying "this message". i am responsible for carrying the message that's in the big book and the message that was given to me.
im not responsible for what the sponsee does with it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
I am 14 months sober. I am not feeling ready to be an official sponsor. I do however share my experiences with others. The thing about helping another with their recovery journey to me is to share, give support- but not get personally involved with their problems. That is why men sponsor men and the opposite. It means having the emotional maturity to be able to step back- give support without living their pain. Sponsors are guides, mentors first and at times tough love friends. It means having boundaries in place. To share what I know, not be a perfect role model. To be able to say 'I do not know', not to judge, if their are relapses. Sponsorship is service to others. I will choose this path when I feel ready. To me it is not something to make others do if I for one am still working myself out. Their is a truism- do not get involved in personal relationships for at least a year. Better 2 years. Sharing support to my level of sobriety is what I do offer.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Imagine what would have not happened had Bill said to Bob, I am only six months sober, so I can't sponsor you. Or after the big book came out when the membership went from one hundred to eight thousand in a very short time. Hardly anyone sponsoring had more than a few months. See foreword to the second edition.
My sponsor did exactly the same thing, except he said, you no longer need a sponsor, you need to be sponsoring. This is the point where I turned from child to adult.
Research supports this too. Sponsoring others increases your own chance of staying sober by more than double according to research. And that is a thing that a lot of people miss. They think sponsorship is service when in fact it is very much part of recovery. That is why it is a step not a tradition.
No doubt you will be a bit nervous. That is natural. But sponsorship, as you have seen, is a simple job of showing a newcomer how to have a spiritual awakening, something you know how to do. Whether they recover or not is not in the sponsors control. They are beyond human aid. If they recover, it is not the sponsors achievement either. It was just my privilege to be there to see it.
I notice this because I travel a lot and may only visit certain meetings once every year or two. The meetings always have a parade of changing faces, except for the sponsors. They are the ones I always find are still there and still sober.
And there is no better way to learn the program and put it into practice that to teach it to someone else. Every time I take someone through the steps, I go through them for myself.
If God drops one in your lap, as He often will, go for it. It is the only way to get into the "Fellowship of the Spirit".
My sponsor did exactly the same thing, except he said, you no longer need a sponsor, you need to be sponsoring. This is the point where I turned from child to adult.
Research supports this too. Sponsoring others increases your own chance of staying sober by more than double according to research. And that is a thing that a lot of people miss. They think sponsorship is service when in fact it is very much part of recovery. That is why it is a step not a tradition.
No doubt you will be a bit nervous. That is natural. But sponsorship, as you have seen, is a simple job of showing a newcomer how to have a spiritual awakening, something you know how to do. Whether they recover or not is not in the sponsors control. They are beyond human aid. If they recover, it is not the sponsors achievement either. It was just my privilege to be there to see it.
I notice this because I travel a lot and may only visit certain meetings once every year or two. The meetings always have a parade of changing faces, except for the sponsors. They are the ones I always find are still there and still sober.
And there is no better way to learn the program and put it into practice that to teach it to someone else. Every time I take someone through the steps, I go through them for myself.
If God drops one in your lap, as He often will, go for it. It is the only way to get into the "Fellowship of the Spirit".
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
A few thoughts......six months seems to soon to be a sponsor- most of the folks around here say a year - AND that you have worked all the steps. Hard and fast rules? I guess not, but so far they have jibed with my feelings on the matter. At almost 14 mo sober I am probably ready even though I don't feel that way.
As far as one comment above about sponsors/sponsoring - my sponsor has a sponsor and so on. I like the idea of having "Grands" and a kind of sponsor family. Not everyone does this but belonging to this group is good for me.
For now, there are other ways I can be of service to others. One thing I think will be very important is that I am ready and conscious about checking my own ego - it is about guiding my sponsee, not gratifying my need to be a guru or great teacher or whatever. I think my bottom line is that since I believe people typically sponsor as they were sponsored, when I feel ready to take on that kind of leadership role to another, it will be time to volunteer to be a sponsor.
As far as one comment above about sponsors/sponsoring - my sponsor has a sponsor and so on. I like the idea of having "Grands" and a kind of sponsor family. Not everyone does this but belonging to this group is good for me.
For now, there are other ways I can be of service to others. One thing I think will be very important is that I am ready and conscious about checking my own ego - it is about guiding my sponsee, not gratifying my need to be a guru or great teacher or whatever. I think my bottom line is that since I believe people typically sponsor as they were sponsored, when I feel ready to take on that kind of leadership role to another, it will be time to volunteer to be a sponsor.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Doug39 
I am almost 6 months sober and I just finished up Step 9.
My sponsor is after me to sponsor someone else - he tells me I am ready and I need to do this to move forward in the program.
Today at an AA meeting I gave my phone number to a guy that was new (he just got out of treatment and it was his second meeting).
I am nervous about being a sponsor because I don't want to steer anyone the wrong way.
Any advice would be appreciated.
My sponsor is after me to sponsor someone else - he tells me I am ready and I need to do this to move forward in the program.
Today at an AA meeting I gave my phone number to a guy that was new (he just got out of treatment and it was his second meeting).
I am nervous about being a sponsor because I don't want to steer anyone the wrong way.
Any advice would be appreciated.
nervousness- ok, I think ya see the fear already. understandable. one thing I had fear over was not having all of the answers for questions a sponsee may( and usually will) ask. great thing was I had my sponsor and others in AA to call if the sponsee was ok with that- I didn't have to have all of the answers.
and I hadda big book.
I think the hard part for me early on was ego deflation- when a sponsee really didn't want to put in the footwork and ended up disappearing and/or drinking...well,but...but... I gave them the message!!! they shouldn't have drank!!
that's when I learned I am responsible when anyone anywhere reaches out for help( notice that doesn't say," only after I have a year sober") to carry the message, but powerless over what they do with it.
as far as not enough time sober to start sponsoring- you've been working the steps. youre 6 months sober. someone fresh to AA can be very apprehensive with people with years sober- no way they feel they can do that. but the one with 6 months- he/she did it and I know I can do that so ill talk to them.
heres something else to think about the early days. this is out of the big book:
A year and six months later these three had succeeded with seven more.
those 3 had no big book, and not much time sober. don't think there were sponsors either. im sure those 7 were very greatful for those 3.
ya know how we all learned to sponsor? by starting and we had to start somewhere and some time.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Just a small note of caution. Your sponsee may reveal something confidential, in fact they will be expecting you will keep their business private. You will be able to consult the god of your undertanding, and refer to the big book, but you may not consult your sponsor or anyone else, without your sponsees permission.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
Originally Posted by Gottalife
Just a small note of caution. Your sponsee may reveal something confidential, in fact they will be expecting you will keep their business private. You will be able to consult the god of your undertanding, and refer to the big book, but you may not consult your sponsor or anyone else, without your sponsees permission.
If I do need to consult my sponsor I will keep it basic and not reveal details.
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