Building a new sober life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I was just out for a long walk down at the lake and I was thinking...... all this fear and doubt and worry is all AV and in that noise, I missed the point that I am free!! I can literally do whatever I want now, the possibilities are only as limited as what I can imagine for myself. All I have to do is reach out and embrace this gift I have given to myself. I have my health, I have a good job, a beautiful family, I live in a fantastic city with tons of things to go out and do. The only thing standing in my way is myself. I'm going to stop all this worrying, it's silly. Like Nike say, Just Do It! Makes me feel so good that I want to dance!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
i get a lot of inner resistenace about diong things if that makes any sense. I guess one example was when i first started to excercise i used an eliptical. WEll my fat butt broke it in like a month. I was so angry. i wanted to quit (that inner resistence) my wife was like well maybe walk. My attitude was well maybe go F yourself my eliptical broke!! i was stuck in my funk and i didnt wanna budge. I ad to swallow my BS and just go for a walk. but there again i'd have a way of turning into this EPIC ordeal and the planets had to be aligned etc.. I still do this to some degree too. But I had to learn how to shrug off my resistence and BS and go welp i guess i'm walking now ok.
I started to set REALLY small goals for msyelf. lIke you have this list knitting gym guitar this week do these things etc.. go simpler then that even tell yourself maybe i'll go do 1 of those things this week or maybe i wont do any at all no pressure whatever will be will be and dont get wrapped up into the I should this i shoudl taht stuff. Then at weeks end I'd hope you at the very least walked into the yard store say and bought some yarn even if you didnt knit or didnt join the group or go to the gym or anythign you at the very least got the ball rolling. From there you can get some momentum.
Rome wasnt built in a day they say right.
eating habits are the same gotta do what works for you. not everyone can over night become some neurotic crazy healthy eater unless they suffer form the disorder i suffer from lol. BUt go easy.
I like your ideas tho. Someone on this board said something to me along the lines of learn to say yes to things. Hey you wanna go to this stupid nerd festival with me you might otherwise thing OMFG NO but ya know maybe this time say yes you might surprise yourself when you go and you like it or if you hate it oh well.
Look at me with this bagpipe thing. I was so apprehensive about the whole KILT and parade thing. then OMFG they might have booze at the parades etc.. here i am did another parade today was offered a drink on more then one occasion today and i said no and i had a total blast playing.
all the changes i've made is just caue i started saying yes more instead of sitting in my funk.
the thing is tho I know i need some sort of balance if i do too much to fast i freak out etc..
its best if you can to just let things flow.
the whole you eat an elephant one bite at a time type thing.
when i first go sober i NEVER EVER EVER would believe someone if they told me in teh future what i would have done as a result of quitting my drinking. and if i thought about doing all those things on day 1 or day 101 i would have peed myself paniced and probably gone out and gotten drunk again lol.
I started to set REALLY small goals for msyelf. lIke you have this list knitting gym guitar this week do these things etc.. go simpler then that even tell yourself maybe i'll go do 1 of those things this week or maybe i wont do any at all no pressure whatever will be will be and dont get wrapped up into the I should this i shoudl taht stuff. Then at weeks end I'd hope you at the very least walked into the yard store say and bought some yarn even if you didnt knit or didnt join the group or go to the gym or anythign you at the very least got the ball rolling. From there you can get some momentum.
Rome wasnt built in a day they say right.
eating habits are the same gotta do what works for you. not everyone can over night become some neurotic crazy healthy eater unless they suffer form the disorder i suffer from lol. BUt go easy.
I like your ideas tho. Someone on this board said something to me along the lines of learn to say yes to things. Hey you wanna go to this stupid nerd festival with me you might otherwise thing OMFG NO but ya know maybe this time say yes you might surprise yourself when you go and you like it or if you hate it oh well.
Look at me with this bagpipe thing. I was so apprehensive about the whole KILT and parade thing. then OMFG they might have booze at the parades etc.. here i am did another parade today was offered a drink on more then one occasion today and i said no and i had a total blast playing.
all the changes i've made is just caue i started saying yes more instead of sitting in my funk.
the thing is tho I know i need some sort of balance if i do too much to fast i freak out etc..
its best if you can to just let things flow.
the whole you eat an elephant one bite at a time type thing.
when i first go sober i NEVER EVER EVER would believe someone if they told me in teh future what i would have done as a result of quitting my drinking. and if i thought about doing all those things on day 1 or day 101 i would have peed myself paniced and probably gone out and gotten drunk again lol.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by zenchaser 
I was just out for a long walk down at the lake and I was thinking...... all this fear and doubt and worry is all AV and in that noise, I missed the point that I am free!! I can literally do whatever I want now, the possibilities are only as limited as what I can imagine for myself. All I have to do is reach out and embrace this gift I have given to myself. I have my health, I have a good job, a beautiful family, I live in a fantastic city with tons of things to go out and do. The only thing standing in my way is myself. I'm going to stop all this worrying, it's silly. Like Nike say, Just Do It! Makes me feel so good that I want to dance!
I know if i'm in my funk i can think about what i'm thankful for and it like cancels out my miserable feelings.
yeah its nice to be free try to focus on this stuff because it helps you feel good and charges up your batteries and gets you excited about doing stuff and living a good life etc.. You gotta keep yourself as charged up and happy as possible why? cause you know lifes gonna fling all kinds of nonsense youw ay. but if you start off strong it wont knock you down but if you start off empty and tired welll... it might eat you up. But theres no shame in resting either when needed just dont give up.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
I no longer hang out with drunks.
Actually, find them boring and sloppy.
Active church member.
Active AA member.
Active here on soberrecovery.com.
Bicycle riding and hiking.
Caring for ( many) animals at home.
Taking care of a loving wife.
Making daily good moral decisions.
Not deceiving myself today.
Kind of the life that I always wanted but, being a drunk kept it far from my gasp.
M-Bob
Actually, find them boring and sloppy.
Active church member.
Active AA member.
Active here on soberrecovery.com.
Bicycle riding and hiking.
Caring for ( many) animals at home.
Taking care of a loving wife.
Making daily good moral decisions.
Not deceiving myself today.
Kind of the life that I always wanted but, being a drunk kept it far from my gasp.
M-Bob
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
my wife was like well maybe walk. My attitude was well maybe go F yourself my eliptical broke!! hahaha you're so funny!
Yeah I'm all over the place. Either I'm worrying myself like crazy or I want to do cartwheels because I feel so good! I am going to get out and be more active though, I have so much energy and I feel like I've wasted too much time getting drunk and suffering from hangovers already. I have decided that I'm not going to join the gym but go to the pool instead (easier on my crappy knees), and use my money to take guitar lessons. I think that would be really fun! I was even thinking earlier of doing something really crazy like sky diving..... but then I realized that I don't want to actually crap in my pants. So maybe not that crazy.
I'm off to a soccer game in a few minutes. My ex offered me some tickets to take my son. Should be a good time
Yeah I'm all over the place. Either I'm worrying myself like crazy or I want to do cartwheels because I feel so good! I am going to get out and be more active though, I have so much energy and I feel like I've wasted too much time getting drunk and suffering from hangovers already. I have decided that I'm not going to join the gym but go to the pool instead (easier on my crappy knees), and use my money to take guitar lessons. I think that would be really fun! I was even thinking earlier of doing something really crazy like sky diving..... but then I realized that I don't want to actually crap in my pants. So maybe not that crazy.
I'm off to a soccer game in a few minutes. My ex offered me some tickets to take my son. Should be a good time
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 123
I'm in a similar place as you just trying to re-create a better life for myself. I started going to AA and working with a sponsor and that helps fill up the time that used to be occupied by drinking.
I am also getting some satisfaction out of doing basic things like cleaning my apartment, cooking meals for myself and reading a book. I know that sounds ridiculous but when my drinking was at its peak, NOTHING would get done because I was either drunk or sleeping off a hangover.
Some days I feel Godawful boring but that's better than continuing down a path of self destruction...
I am also getting some satisfaction out of doing basic things like cleaning my apartment, cooking meals for myself and reading a book. I know that sounds ridiculous but when my drinking was at its peak, NOTHING would get done because I was either drunk or sleeping off a hangover.
Some days I feel Godawful boring but that's better than continuing down a path of self destruction...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by ZenButterfly
I'm in a similar place as you just trying to re-create a better life for myself. I started going to AA and working with a sponsor and that helps fill up the time that used to be occupied by drinking.
I am also getting some satisfaction out of doing basic things like cleaning my apartment, cooking meals for myself and reading a book. I know that sounds ridiculous but when my drinking was at its peak, NOTHING would get done because I was either drunk or sleeping off a hangover.
Some days I feel Godawful boring but that's better than continuing down a path of self destruction...
I am also getting some satisfaction out of doing basic things like cleaning my apartment, cooking meals for myself and reading a book. I know that sounds ridiculous but when my drinking was at its peak, NOTHING would get done because I was either drunk or sleeping off a hangover.
Some days I feel Godawful boring but that's better than continuing down a path of self destruction...
Sober AF Since 3/20/16
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: WI - Where alcohol abuse is a sacrement
Posts: 157
Originally Posted by zenchaser
What would you say was the most important thing you did to recreate yourself?
Originally Posted by zenchaser
Or brought you contentment and satisfaction?
Originally Posted by zenchaser
How did you make new sober friends who aren't necessarily also in recovery?
Originally Posted by zenchaser
How did you fill all the time you were left with after quitting?
We are all travelers on this road, seeking the Light. Wisely choose the baggage you bring, and select your travel companions even more wisely.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Fitcher I was just thinking today that I am prepared to leave all my old friends behind me. Not that I'm going to cold shoulder them or anything, but that I would be OK if we grew apart. That's a new feeling for me. Feeling confident that whatever changes happened going forward I will be fine and that I can handle it.
I also feel open to new experiences. Like I started guitar lessons yesterday. It's harder than the pros make it look haha but it's fun. I like having a new challenge and something to occupy my mind and time. I've been going outside for a walk everyday, what a concept. And most importantly I decided to stop fearing and doubting my ability to do this. I've decided to let myself feel excited about new possibilities. So much of everything in life is how we choose to perceive our experiences. The stories we tell ourselves. Fear is the opposite of faith and I have faith in myself.
Thank you for your post. It's full of the right stuff!
I also feel open to new experiences. Like I started guitar lessons yesterday. It's harder than the pros make it look haha but it's fun. I like having a new challenge and something to occupy my mind and time. I've been going outside for a walk everyday, what a concept. And most importantly I decided to stop fearing and doubting my ability to do this. I've decided to let myself feel excited about new possibilities. So much of everything in life is how we choose to perceive our experiences. The stories we tell ourselves. Fear is the opposite of faith and I have faith in myself.
Thank you for your post. It's full of the right stuff!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Originally Posted by ZenButterfly
I'm in a similar place as you just trying to re-create a better life for myself. I started going to AA and working with a sponsor and that helps fill up the time that used to be occupied by drinking.
I am also getting some satisfaction out of doing basic things like cleaning my apartment, cooking meals for myself and reading a book. I know that sounds ridiculous but when my drinking was at its peak, NOTHING would get done because I was either drunk or sleeping off a hangover.
Some days I feel Godawful boring but that's better than continuing down a path of self destruction...
I am also getting some satisfaction out of doing basic things like cleaning my apartment, cooking meals for myself and reading a book. I know that sounds ridiculous but when my drinking was at its peak, NOTHING would get done because I was either drunk or sleeping off a hangover.
Some days I feel Godawful boring but that's better than continuing down a path of self destruction...
Yeah it robs us of our time and vitality. I was having a hard time just doing the basics too.... I was having such anxiety that simple things like grocery shopping required mental preparation some days. I would only do the minimum. Such a waste of my gift of life.
Sounds like you're on the right path, nothing wrong with cooking a good meal and losing yourself in a book. In fact that seems like a lovely way to spend your time.
Sober AF Since 3/20/16
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: WI - Where alcohol abuse is a sacrement
Posts: 157
Originally Posted by zenchaser
Fitcher I was just thinking today that I am prepared to leave all my old friends behind me. Not that I'm going to cold shoulder them or anything, but that I would be OK if we grew apart. That's a new feeling for me. Feeling confident that whatever changes happened going forward I will be fine and that I can handle it.
I also feel open to new experiences. Like I started guitar lessons yesterday. It's harder than the pros make it look haha but it's fun. I like having a new challenge and something to occupy my mind and time. I've been going outside for a walk everyday, what a concept. And most importantly I decided to stop fearing and doubting my ability to do this. I've decided to let myself feel excited about new possibilities. So much of everything in life is how we choose to perceive our experiences. The stories we tell ourselves. Fear is the opposite of faith and I have faith in myself.
Thank you for your post. It's full of the right stuff!
I also feel open to new experiences. Like I started guitar lessons yesterday. It's harder than the pros make it look haha but it's fun. I like having a new challenge and something to occupy my mind and time. I've been going outside for a walk everyday, what a concept. And most importantly I decided to stop fearing and doubting my ability to do this. I've decided to let myself feel excited about new possibilities. So much of everything in life is how we choose to perceive our experiences. The stories we tell ourselves. Fear is the opposite of faith and I have faith in myself.
Thank you for your post. It's full of the right stuff!
You sound excited for the future and full of hope. That is amazing! The more I realize just how much the universe has to offer us, the more I am simply awestruck with the possibilities. We've chosen to step outside of our self-made glass prisons and face the Light with clear eyes and open minds.
Good luck with your music too! It helps the rewire brain immensely, as well as being a soothing, introspective time for reflection. Drop me a note anytime to chat about it!
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