icoi87

Hey all! So I'm 45 days sober now. This is my third attempt since I realized I had a problem about a year and a half ago. The last two times I definitely felt more excited, more euphoric. Lately I'm just kind of down. Not feeling like I want to drink... but just kind of feeling like I'm skating through the days just hanging on. I'm going to meetings and using my positive coping tools (exercise, eating right, writing, etc.) I know a lot of people in AA and another online group I'm a part of have expressed having so much joy in early sobriety, but I just don't feel it.

Anyone else experience this?

Done4today

Page 113 of the 12x12

Dee74

I didn't feel a pink cloud...I had to do a little work have a little faith and wait a little while for joy to come back to me.

It took about 3 months for me to start to feel something like joy and a little longer than that to trust that feeling.

What's your recovery plan look like - are you fgoing to AA? doing the Steps? what changes have you made besides not drinking?

D

Soberwolf

Nice job on day 45

Gottalife

I had more flat spots than anything, if I remember correctly. There was a kind of pink cloud feeling (I dont really like that term) but it had to do with feeling I was on the right track at last. That feeling had been elusive all my life, so while it wasnt extreme, it was new. It has become more or less permanent now.

I recall we used to get a lot of people from a big treatment program. It was an eight week thing, and the first week out they called cloud nine week. This maybe more like what you were referring to. Most fell off the cloud and picked up a week or two after treatment.

I have heard a person talk about the 5th step, and how he got a great lift the first time he did it, just like step 5 promises. So he repeated it a few times and was disappointed he didnt get the high again.

I suppose ultimately a pink cloud or high feeling is not the purpose of getting sober in the AA sense. It seems to be a thing that happens to a lot of people as they make progress, but I am not sure the feelings are repeatable. They are however sustainable, IME, if we continue to follow a few simple rules. like steps 10,11 and 12, particulalrly practicing the principles in all our affairs.

There are some high spots in the first half of the program. If we picked up, and then came back and started again, repeating the first half, I doubt it would be the same. I think the important thing would be to get onto the unfinished part.

tomsteve

no pink cloud here either. not for at least 5 or so months. but then, I don't like pink clouds. get on them and I better have a pink parachute.
as I worked the steps,though, I started getting some serenity and peace.

what step ya on? whats your sponsor have to say about it?

BrendaChenowyth

The pink cloud is the illusion that life is going to be all sunshine and flowers once you quit drinking. It's just an illusion, life isn't that way. I think it gets in the way of lasting sobriety because it can be a huge let down when the euphoric feelings go away and that can set you on the path to relapse. I was sober for six months, and the first three were AMAZING. Happiest I've ever been. After Thanksgiving I started to get depressed and I kind of went with it. I relapsed March 1st.

I approached sobriety with great expectations and when it didn't meet them I lost the motivation to work on myself. It didn't take long to get over the chemical dependency, but there was so much more to it than quitting drinking.

ScottFromWI

Yes, the "pink cloud" is elusive, and not everyone feels it. And as you are finding, even one individual can experience different things with subsequent cycles of drinking and quitting. I never felt the pink cloud myself any time, but most of the times I quit nothing really bad happened either, I just felt kind of crummy for a few days. But then all of a sudden I started going through fairly serious WD's and even ended up in the ER once with heart palpitations and dangerously high BP/heart rate.

The moral of the story I think is that each progressive return to drinking usually makes things worse when you quit. So staying quit is even more important now. Sound like you are doing a lot of the right things...consider that you may just be down in the dumps...life is not always rainbows and butterflies unfortunately. Another consideration is that perhaps you are actually experiencing depression - which is a diagnosable, treatable condition.

icoi87

Thanks for all the kind replies! I have been attending AA, about 2 or 3 times a week. I am reading the BB but haven't gotten a sponsor yet.. I know I need to. I have had depression in the past so I will keep an eye on it. Maybe just everything I was masking for so long floating to the surface. I don't expect to be "high" on sobriety or anything, just thought I'd feel a little better! Thanks everyone!!

ssd858

I agree with Scott about returning to drinking after quitting. I quit for 3 weeks last year and did feel the pink euphoria to some extent and the physical and mental withdrawals were moderate. This time around the physical and mental affects lasted for 3 weeks and were extreme. Also no pink euphoria. I am at 6 weeks now and feeling pretty good. Still having sleep disturbance and some mental fog.

puddlejumper70

This is exactly me. One of the things about abruptly becoming sober is that reality sets in, and reality is often not so pleasant.

A few years back I re-enrolled in college during my first lengthy sober stint and really began to turn things around. I was very focused on the coursework, regularly worked with others, made (school) friends, and learned a lot. But I found that getting back out in the world and being around a lot of people can reveal just how lonely you really are.

I was a social butterfly as a younger guy, and actually used to have girls chase me down. But after alcoholism set in and I slowly withdrew over a 10+ year period, I re-emerged only to face the fact that people my age had matured, started families, and established themselves in careers. I really couldn't identify with them on a personal level. My development had been stunted by alcoholism. All of the things that I used to take for granted no longer existed.

So while I'm happy that I'm not drinking, it's not uncommon to feel lost and empty at times.. even if making positive, constructive strides.

August252015

This is close to describing my experience of living in the pink clouds, as I call it - and that's the majority of my life. Joy and peace and excitement and consistent positivity came back to me as I got well; I was VERY sick when I quit 411 days ago and it was around 100 days that I saw shifts in a lot of areas - there was a week here and there (I remember around 4 months and again around 7) that I was just ornery and agitated and all kinds of stuff as I was getting more and more used to normal life- growing pains, I guess.

My sponsor describes the pink cloud we want as the best version of a sober life in recovery that we can possibly have. Staying in 1,10, and 12 every day and really working my program- and getting better at intuitively handling situations the right way, self-correcting when I get too up/down/sideways, taking daily inventory of the day prior, etc results in....a life filled with pink (also the name of my current blog, started at 6 mo sober). That's where I live the bulk of my time and I am so grateful for it.

Bunny211

I hate to be negative but I never had a pink cloud either. I was miserable for a long time. But the fact that people actually STUCK with this and STAYED SOBER made me believe that it HAD to get better or else everyone would be drinking again. And you know what, over time, it has gotten better. Life has gotten AMAZING for me. But it took a lot of work and a lot of pain to get there. Everyone is different. But for me, the first 18 months were very difficult. For that reason alone I will never, ever take my sobriety for granted. I never want to to have to get sober again. You can do this. I believe in you. This is hard. It's very hard. But it is do-able and worth it.

Grungehead

I remember the first time I got sober in 1990 there was an "old timer" at the meetings I attended who always introduced himself by saying "my name is xxxx and i'm a reasonably happy drunk" before he shared. At the time I thought it was odd that he was "only" reasonably happy and not ecstatic that he was sober.

It finally dawned on me many years later (after finally working the steps) that being reasonably happy was a very calming place to be emotionally. Pink clouds are great while you're on them but they are short-lived. Practicing the 12 steps has provided a balance in my life that has resulted in "reasonable happiness".

dsmaxis10

day 33 day 14 the Miracle on page 85 of the book AA happened only took me 12 years to make all amends

steve-in-kville

For me, the pink cloud was a liar. Every time I experienced the pink cloud, I got the illusion I had beat the addiction and could enjoy a bourbon on a Friday night. And we all know how that turns out.....

Alan6154

Life has ups and downs whether you are sober or drunk. I've realized there are a lot more ups than downs when I don't drink. Today I took my motorcycle for a ride. It's the first time in a long time. I knew when I was drinking heavily that if I climbed on it, it was a 700 lb coffin. Today was an Up day!!

tomsteve

good on ya!

years of being in denial and stuffing everything, after i stopped drinking and got out of denial, i had YEARS of crap at the surface.
the steps helped tremendously to get rid of that crap.
and all of the promises- the promises of every step- occured

icoi87

Thanks everyone. I'm hanging in there. 53 days. Went to a meeting tonight and it was really great. I had been avoiding AA and isolating the last week or two. I didn't feel so alone tonight. I am still pretty sad though, if I'm being honest. Thinking about therapy but it's so expensive for me. Been praying and journaling a lot.

I really appreciate each and every one of your replies. So thank you.