Did I prove that I -- could have just one drink?
 

Twice that I remember when having close to 3 years of sobriety, for some crazy reasons I started to entertain the thoughts of drinking, yet again. In one case it only took me a few minutes to talk myself into it and in the other case I entertained the thought for a few days (driving by a local bar after work and wondering what ((a drink)) would be like after so much time away?), surly it wouldn't turn out like before? Telling myself, I would keep my drinking under control this time -- right? Sure I will! I'll just go ahead and prove it. Only ONE drink! Well, I stopped at the bar and walked in quickly so as to not give the drunken tape a chance to play out and ordered a TALL beer and a DOUBLE margarita just for starters. Oh yes, once again I had proven -- I can drink JUST ONE!

A fool is one who fools themself.

M-Bob

It is so interesting how our brain after a small amount of time will go .... "well maybe....." Or sometimes I will see a show where people are using or drinking and my brain will go "well maybe...." The cool thing is that I can play that tape all the way through and immediately know where it is going to lead.

Thank God for AA!

Yup. Been there, done that. http://www.guildwargamers.com/phpBB3...lies/blush.gif

Yes, I've played that tape too. The way it would go for me is, I could definitely stop at one, I'm certain of that, now. I might not even like it. But that one drink would get the ball rolling, and since one drink wouldn't kill me or put me in jail or a hospital, soon after that I'd have one, again. Then again. Eventually it would progress to a couple, then several, and in short order I'd be drinking just like I used to drink. Back down the hole.

But for me, in order for that tape to play through, I'd have to deliberately ignore warning signs coming up long before that first drink. So the very first part of the tape is, "Ignore all warning signs, deliberately put aside all I know about alcohol addiction and about myself, do nothing to protect myself and stop the thought process, and take that first sip". That's the critical part of the tape.

The problem with alcohol (at least for me) is that it is not like potato chips or chocolate chip cookies: When I eat those things, I want more and more, but eventually I get sick of them and don't want any more. With vodka, I want more and more, never get sick of it, and will only stop when I pass out. And as soon as I wake up, the first thing I want to do is get more. I had to put myself in rehab, where there was no possibility of getting a drink, to break the cycle and re-program myself.

I now know that little bit of initial relaxation from that first sip of alcohol will essentially flip that switch in my brain. And it's off to the races. There can/will be no other outcome from taking a drink. I understand that now; before I got sober I maintained the illusion that I could control it. I tried and failed enough times that now I know better, and I've given up even entertaining the possibility.

My husband says beer is like pringles, once you pop you can't stop.
lol

I agree with you Desert.... I tried and failed many many times at getting clean/sober. For me drugs was my thing but I would get some clean time from my DOC and go "well I can drink a beer" or "I can smoke some pot" and so on and then within a day or so i'm back to using my DOC iv. So I had to really get to step one before I could move on and work on myself. Thank God I finally got step one. For me: to drink or to drug is to die. Also to forget where I came from can equal death. So it is always important for me to play the tape and KNOW where it will lead,. I believe my fear of relapsing is a very healthy fear. It's kind of like when I see new comers pick up a silver chip it is great for me to see because it always reminds me... Reminders can never be bad

Lol as sunshine said, alcohol is like Pringles for me too :D

It's crazy, I'll plan to have a glass of wine, to sip on it, I'll even have a great big glass of water right beside me to keep things (real).

What ALWAYS ends up happening.

1 - I'll take that first sip
2- quickly go for a second one
3- I'm drinking wine like it was water
4- the water i had originally planned to drink hadn't been touched
5- mega regrets.

Oh how i wish i could be one of those to be able to close the bottle, store it in the fridge and enjoy the rest for another time.

Approaching year 4 sober I stick by this - 1 drink is too many 1000 is never enough

yep 1 is too many and a million aint enough.

i think one thing that i ponder when i get those kinds of thoughs is i think about that obsession and how strong it was and how awful it was to battle it. And i know from others who have told me and the times i've tried to quit that once i take one sip oh man its ON i'll have rekindled that obession and it'll be buring hot and i'll be ready to chew my arm off if it means i can go get a drink. When i think about that i think ugg i just dont wanna feed that beast again and have to fight it.

Once I entered rehab against my will
back in 1990 but because my family
cared enough to not let me harm myself,
I began to allow myself to be teachable
to let those capable of teaching me about
my addiction and give me a program of
recovery to live my life upon once I returned
home.

Those first 28 days sober allowed the
seed of hope to be planted in my heart,
mind and soul with continued help and
guidance to sink and set me on my path
of recovery journey living each day in the
day.

I am blessed and I am grateful that I was
given this gift of a recovery program taught
to me back in 1990 because if it had been
me still sick in my own addiction, carrying
all that heavy baggage from my past as a
child, resentments I harbored, crosses I
beared, all my defects of character, I'm sure
I wouldn't be here some 26 yrs sober with
you.

For whatever reason I had back in the
day when I began this journey, all I knew
was I didn't want to get back on that
miserable merry go round of insanity
and thus fueled me to remain sober and
humbled about it.

Having so many to go back out to test
the watering holes, liquor stores, never
making healthy changes in their life styles
has been enough to let me know that after
all these yrs sober for me, alcohol, drug
addiction is still strong, still alive, still taking
folks out left and right, showing no mercy,
allows me to remain sober one more day.

I see it, hear it and most of all believe it.

I find that I have power against the first drink.
I have zero power against the next 30.

Well you said you had 3 years sober so maybe your brain is at default state like you have never ever had a drink before. That said you my friend is in a honeymoon with a new wife called alcohol. Remember this how this demon was to you in the past is all I'm saying.

The anticipation of that first. Just before it hits the taste bauds. Intoxicated on the anticipation of being intoxicated.